Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Monday, May 14
It's undeniable -- you have the hots for this person and vice versa. But when you both clam up, a lot of nothing is going on. Pick up the phone and ask them on a date. Don't worry: failure's simply not an option right now.
i write from a strange place of happiness: only three weeks ago, i found myself in the grips of horror thinking that my still green relationship with, well, my new someone -- for the first time, even as i write this, i realized that i hadn't come up with a pithy nickname or epithet or even code name which strikes me as groundbreaking even as i write -- found itself horribly on the rocks: one might never think it as i bounced around the bustling isle of miami beach, but only twenty four hours before, i stood in my new someone's living room vamping and making excuses about why there existed blood on the sex rag we had just used. i knew exactly why. i told my new someone exactly why. however, my new someone didn't quite grasp the gravity with which i spoke because i do have a tendency to make light of the unpleasant if not to completely avoid it. and i had already thought we found ourselves in a tricky position. it had reached that early plateau where communication waned and the dates trailed off and even that night had the air of a hook up and though i said it hurt and said that we probably shouldn't, we did, and after the heartache was over -- yes, paging tina turner -- i went to the guest bathroom to clean myself and my new someone went to the master bath to do the same. when we met back up in the living room, i stood getting dressed for work and my new someone stood with the sex rag in hand demanding an explanation. no doubt i played sexual roles in this relationship that i haven't since the stock broker and as i've aged, i've heard the horrific tales of what could happen from the ongoing medical sagas of my best friend. so, of course, i thought the worst, and my stomach sank. and i reached out with affection even as my new someone retreated deep into silence and eyes so cold that i felt for sure that what had gone along so swimmingly had come to an end.
and then, i went to miami. because i felt that my trip schedule had started to slack since argentina and i believe in all things reciprocation and since my old favorite coworker treated me to such a wonderful south beach birthday last year, i thought it would be fun and since she had just broken up with her near-fiance just days before, i felt it the least i could do. and flush with a bit of cash, i bought a plane ticket on the friday for the saturday and made quickie reservations at hakkasan and got ourselves onto the list -- like it mattered -- for liv. we spent the morning shopping -- although i had not slept at all the night before -- and then i napped while she tried to make the night as favor-able as possible and when i awoke, i ran to club monaco for clothes and then ran back to get ready for hakkasan. it lived up to all of its overhyped london roots and i found myself drunk -- and three hundred dollars poorer -- and meeting her friends in the lobby for smuggled in liquor in the fountainbleau bar. of course, when we got to the line, it became a hassle and i had to pay eighty bucks, but, you know, it's liv. and after two of her friends left (crying about costs), we proceeded to make a night of it although i remember absolutely nothing except the glowing staircase and a seventy dollar bar tab. according to my old favorite coworker, i literally paid some poor youngster ten dollars to make out with me in the lobby in front of liv. and it being miami, of course, this poor youngster did. the next day, reeling from the amount of money hemmoraging from my bank account, i began to make excuses about doing cheaper things and although we still managed to drop over sixty bucks at brunch where neither of us so much as gestured at a full meal (after all, full blown pride celebrations ensued on the streets), we went home and had a good quiet night -- why can't i have more of these please lord?! -- with watching american reunion -- talk about feeling old! i did not know it's been as long as it has and kudos on the marriage equality plug even there -- and cold stone creamery at one in the morning -- i love miami! -- the next day, i engorged myself with whole foods -- she lives basically across the street -- and then wrote a quick short story for my workshop that wednesday. that night, we went out for thai food where we overheard some of the craziest superficial ravings of the typical south beach queen -- and went to bed. the next day, i vegged out getting ready for my flight and got back home not-so-late but fully stressed because my car had fuel injection issues that still have not gotten resolved three weeks later. in the mean time, i have been on a spending spree with the purchase of a britto original for my living room -- that wound up going into my bedroom -- and a david yurman cable classics bracelet -- you know, i always thought everyone got the 7mm when they turned thirty, but now i think they get the 10mm! -- and this week i got an ikat upholstered chair that i saw on vogue.com and had lusted forever at urban outfitters and a jack spade "le dirtbag" bag for my continued studies in creative writing. i'm done with big ticket purchases except for a john hardy bracelet to complement my david yurman (and to replace the one i lost all those years ago), the jonathan adler rhino box (which i think is so perfectly political), then smaller things like, the "keep calm and carry on" tray from z galerie, the striped favorite throw from west elm, and my citizens of humanity jeans i need to jump start my green look.
but onto more substantial things, once i got back from miami, my new someone and i had a period of near radio silence. we had these cryptic conversations where the new someone would say things like "i'm just in a bad mood" and completely shut me out and i thought i found myself in a re-play of those exsomeone days where i'd go crazy not because i thought i did anything wrong but because i had no clue how to break through the silence. my new someone stated it had to do with workplace drama -- and seeing as i had a boatload of my own which had taken me to the point of starting to search for opportunities outside the company even as i got a nearly ten percent pay hike -- but i found myself ill-equipped to do anything but say "that sucks." almost two weeks passed without me seeing the new someone. but then, just like that, the clouds cleared, and we began making a habit of watching glee on tuesdays, and going out to eat again, and, in one of the best dates of my life, we went to see rocky horror picture show put on by the local theatre company, american stage, and though the weather didn't hold up, the pinot grigio in my system matched with the romance of the entire evening -- how many years have i gone to those things with the taste of salty envy in my mouth as i watched perfect couples embrace over the flush of a live performance -- and in the best moment, during intermission, the rain began to fall and we pulled the blanket over ourselves to keep ourselves from the deluge and we made out like high school kids -- no, high school kids from the fifties -- and when the rain stopped, we got dirty looks from old ladies and awkward stares from teenage boys. and that's when my memory started going splotchy. i remember my favorite morning personalities from play 98.7 coming on stage for an announcement about pride, and i remember singing along with the songs that i had heard a million times on late night movie channel viewings and i remember walking back to my apartment by cassis and the diners on the patio of bella brava and past the thick music oozing out of tryst. and while i'm sure i made it home, the crazy sexual escapades i got told of later solidified just how drunk i must've been. i just felt good that not only did my apartment find itself clean enough to meet my new someone's approval -- on the twenty fourth of march, my new someone came over after the grand prix and my very romantic evening plans devolved into a cleaning session of my bathroom and kitchen -- but it's the first time i've ever had someone spend the night who i've been emotionally and sexually involved with. at least, on purpose.
and it's gotten even better since that night, i went to the doctor and got a prescription for better health and just tuesday night we had the best sex we have ever had. and we made plans for kathy griffin in june. and anyone who reads this knows how i love making future plans. what else? ever since rocky horror, and the popularity of "think like a man" and the way that the title track of that film has continuously played in my house, i've noticed an odd occurrence of unsubtle androgyny. not even. out-and-out gender bending. while it's been something that's intrigued me for years at chanel, it became most pronounced with marc jacobs' new tendency to wear dresses in a non-drag, non-effete way, but it's become so pronounced with kanye coming out of the closet with celine womenswear and then a campaign for the little black jacket by chanel, the latest handbag range receiving the coy name "boy chanel," the appearance of a young boy on the fall runway, brad pitt getting enlisted as the new face of chanel no. five (which, if they release a mens blend, i am going to buy it), and the re-appearance of full-grown men at the resort show and i don't know where i'm going with that but needless to say that as all these things get jumbled up, it's starting to really problematize the idea of the 'suitable' roles for men and women and how those could ever fit into the traditional marriage construct which makes the president's sudden evolution so ill-timed. the world has begun to change and young people see it everyday: we live in a world where women have started to break through the glass ceiling and where one of the most watched reality shows is a drag race. while it's not his duty to speak to this change, the president could make a plea for people to live and let live. for people to stop worrying about other people. that's a message that would resonate with lots of people including some key swing constituencies on the issue. could he not have come out before the north carolina vote and perhaps rallied his base in a swing state before the election? i mean, i know i said it after the election, but i just don't think that his campaign knows how to lay roots. one has to engage the local and state parties, not just dispatch them. even if you spend a bunch of money and lose, they'll remember it. that's why the announcement felt so pat. it's like he just capitulated at the end instead of having an actual evolution. and in an atmosphere where african-americans have proven they can show up -- if even for a box office oddity -- what better show of leadership than to get african-americans to show up at the ballot box in an off election. while the african-american community has its own evolutions to live with, it's clear attitudes have changed if some black men feel comfortable enough to wear heels in atlanta, kanye feels comfortable sporting givenchy skirts on stage, and lil wayne feels comfortable kissing birdman on the mouth and wearing pants made for teenage girls on stage! and it's not like this test is the last one this year: it's potentially on the ballot in maine, maryland, washington, and minnesota. all swing, all critical for their own reasons. that constabulary needs to get built NOW not later. evolution happens one person at a time (maine would be the first time a ballot initiative would get un-done, maryland would show that the african-american vote does not rule out a victory, washington would stand as a rebuke to social conservatives in liberal-leaning states, and minnesota would help root out some of the odd social conservatism taking over formerly liberal bastions like wisconsin). and real evolutions aren't pre-packaged speeches. an actual evolution is my sister turning me around before we head out for cinco de mayo because i don't look like myself in baggy clothes anymore. an actual evolution is coworkers feeling uncomfortable making homophobic jokes in the workplace. actual evolution is clay aiken on "celebrity apprentice" alongside everyone else like it's no big deal. really, it is. it's not being backed into a corner by a vice presidential remark in some throwaway sunday morning interview.
but what else has happened since march second? well, there exist two characters in the new someone's off stage interactions: the doggy daddy with whom the new someone shares custody of a dog they had together and a best friend who i am not even going to try to compete with for time since they take ballroom dance together and go out together quite frequently and i want to reserve that option to take advantage of -- like i did on cinco de mayo eve (that fell on first friday) that i spent with nicole at an art opening at studio 620 for one of my classmates in the workshop and then at macdinton's -- not in tampa, mind you -- but four blocks from my house! talk about a mind fuck and it's next door to some fancy new restaurant called "the kitchen" so yeah definitely have to go there soon -- and then nicole and i went to cafe alma which hadn't switched over so we sat at midtown catching up and i went home quite drunk but with no temptation at all to jump on line or to text anyone -- but in a move in the right direction, after a friday night date night in with my new someone that march ninth, and then we went out for st. patrick's day a week later with a parade i didn't even know occurred in ybor city and drunken diner food after and apparently no fucking, but plenty of cute pictures although the one of us two i'm not allowed to have for fear i might post it on facebook. the trials of our age. somehow, in the mean time, i saw "friends with kids" which is the intellectual equivalent -- though stylistic superior -- of "friends with benefits" so i'll probably buy it. for jon hamm alone. and that's when my computer broke and i learned just how much cleaning i could get done without the distraction of limitless internet porn, tumblr, and justjared.com. and then, on the weekend of the twenty third, the new someone came to my apartment ostensibly to go out to eat and stuff after the grand prix but wound up doing nothing but naked cleaning -- and that's not code for anything -- before we went back to my new someone's place. and yeah. awkard. issues laden. craziness. i mean, my most fundamental issues with my father have to do with him cleaning my room without me having access to it and in a surreal recreation of a scene my new someone could know nothing about, i emerge from a post-coital shower to find my new someone butt naked on hands and knees in the kitchen scrubbing stains out of my tile. in another state of mind, i might have stood back and masturbated to that scene since that's about the breadth of my pornagraphy dirtiness. normal people doing normal things just naked. like buying tents or getting a tire changed. neither of which are code for anything! and the next week, my new someone and i started to have our communications unravel when we had planned on a cute house shopping date -- seriously, in my top ten after witnessing alex and his fiance in crate and barrel last october -- but i got no calls, no texts and so i went to crate and barrel and ikea all by my lonesome and physically exerted the shit out of myself trying to get two massively heavy bookcases upstairs then assembled and then styled with my books and dvds and new crate and barrel vases and my cute argentinian tchotchkes. but even as i found myself burning in anger -- everyone knows that spoiled plans in doing what i want to do remains one of the easiest ways to make me mad -- i still went over there and spent the night. as april rolled around, my condo development changed hands once again so i previewed an apartment at fusion 1560 which costs as much as my place but finds itself immensely more fabulous -- seriously, the pool alone not to mention the floorplans -- just in a much more sketchy neighborhood. we'll see. we, then, had one more friday night in (with me leaving for work a few hours later), and that brings us to the night of the accursed rag. seeing as we met on leap day, we're approaching the three month mark and i think it's going good although i spent the night last night and we humped like gerbils twice today -- and we had brunchy sunday morning with a day spent doing mundane shopping (a going out of business dollar store, a going out of business blockbuster store, and flower shopping at lowes). we spent about twenty hours together and it felt good. so we'll see, i don't want to jinx it.
Here is your Daily Couple's Horoscope for Tuesday, May 15
Supporting your mate in a time of conflict is crucial, but being there for your friends is just as dire. Don’t leave your chums out in the cold when all they want is to hear some of your sage advice.
The Sun Enters Gemini!
This week continues the theme of remaining light on your feet as you also maintain flexible thinking. It's time to review your relationships as love planet Venus turns retrograde on May 15. Then, Mars trines Pluto on May 16, when some of your plans will finally fall into place. But with Jupiter and Saturn forming a quincunx aspect on May 16, you won't want to get too far ahead of yourself; rather, conserve your energy and resources! Rounding out this compelling week, a solar eclipse on the Sun's first day in Gemini -- May 20 -- brings plenty of drama!
( which is why i'm going to 'act like a woman but think like a man.' )
it's often said that it's difficult to write happiness. it takes a little pain, a little conflict, a little fear to compel great writing. well, i'm auditing an american novel course and one thing i've noticed comes in the fact that it really takes very little of those things. mostly, writing involves living. and over the past month, i have learned a lot about living. over the past week, i've done more living than i've done in the past three months. where should i even begin? well, my birthday this year officially puts me at the same age as the exsomeone when we started dating eight years ago. funny, it's the pain from the dissolution of that relationship and the subsequent dalliances that gave me the impetus to start this very journal. of course, my brand of sharing everything in life has gone from niche curiosity to commonplace social networking, but just like a physical journal, it's sometimes good to go back and recount the things that wrought the present. well, i won't have any of that because if i don't talk about the last week, the last month, i might just burst over. first, i have met someone. i have met someone so good, so comfortable, so easy that i'm scared to death i might ruin it somehow. it's someone i reached out to last fall during my busy time online and while the website remains quite shifty, i spent quite some time offline and doing things like attending weddings, new year's celebrations, and hoping for a connection with the dalliance i had in ohio. well. i had started back online because my birthday tends to incent that. well, traveling tends to incent that. seriously, what will i have to talk about? so this gentle soul reached out to me on plenty of fish and after some initial sentiments, i asked this new flame about the past couple of months to which the new flame returned, "dating a bunch of losers," and i responded, "so when are you going to date me?" and this new flame wrote, "whenever you're interested." so the next tuesday (a dramatic day at the office and the day before i left on my trip), we had a long conversation and it just came so easily. without any effort, pretense. we spoke for about an hour although i should've been at my desk, working. anyway, over the course of my trip, we kept in touch with e-mails and photos and everything else and when i got back on wednesday night, we spoke again and although we had plans for the next night since i thought i'd wrestle jet lag for most of the next day, but since the new flame got off early from work and i didn't have that much to do, i guzzled a diet mountain new and made my way over to the new flame's house: now, i know what you're thinking: this is another hookup. however, i made it clear that we would not work according to that agenda, but, after so much anticipation, we were both literally naked after just thirty minutes. well, after we finished up and showered up, we went out to dinner at a new bj's brewhouse up the street from the new flame's house. and although i had no intention of making this a birthday event, some of the trainers picked up on the fact that we were the type of diners that enjoyed ourselves and it came up that my birthday just passed so we had a pizzookie (a cookie run through the pizza oven) and i engorged myself. back at the flame's house, we spent the rest of the evening watching america's next top model and rupaul's drag race until i fell asleep in my new flame's arms. well, a few minutes later i woke up crying. who knows? then, we moved to the bedroom and i spent the night, but apparently i woke up twice with horrible nightmares. obviously, this raised the freak flag. but not enough to prevent a morning interlude and kisses goodbye complicated by early morning school buses and my new flame wrapped in nothing but a blanket. so yeah. we exchanged text messages but that's the last we talked. and the experience has evoked so much from the stockbroker to my very very first and physically, the flame's features remind me of the ethnic varietals featured in the exsomeone and the musculature from a hair stylist i messed around with in college who my friends gave the nickname "creepy." all in all, i don't know what's going to happen and i don't want to rush things, but it just feels so good. thankfully, my sister comes into town this weekend to provide distraction.
speaking of distraction, i must say that i had one of the best travel experiences of my life last week with my trip to buenos aires. now, i did not plan much more than drinking, sunning, and a bit of touring while there, but the trip exceeded my wildest expectations: first, one of the hallmarks of a great trip for me, besides having a raucous time, comes in whether the trip somehow resonates with everything going on in the world at present. well, besides the horrific train crash buenos aires just experienced and the heightening stand off between great britain and argentina over the falklands, i managed to meet a great group of guys who stood in the middle of one of the richest pay dirt of domestic politics: namely, the marriage equality issue. on thursday, i arrived really early had three bloody marys for breakfast and then laid out by the pool all day. i, then, took a nap and headed off to a place called la cava for dinner -- after my plans for a bar crawl fell through due to lack of participation -- and i had this fantastic salmon dish and so much red wine that i felt like one of those classic portraits of the greek demigod bacchus where they show him sick on wine. so the next day, i had a preternatural hangover and surrendered my day to wandering the streets of puerto madero -- easily the most polished neighborhood of the city -- having a long wet lunch and a waxing rhapsodic in the fortabat museum. that afternoon, i returned to the hotel to witness a nude photo shoot take place by the pool. since this resulted in a mobbed poolside with not even one seat available, i went upstairs to the rooftop pool and watched the photo shoot finish up in the spa near it. there, i met a german named martin who lived very close to the axel hotel in berlin which put that on the map although i questioned just his proclivities because of the way his bug like eyes bulged out of his head when he talked about certain topics like bath houses. that night, i spruced up and went down to the formal dinner in the restaurant with a tango performance and a spanish cantatador and after three cocktails called amanda -- reminded me of "adam's rib" -- i headed off for sitges where i immediately met up with an angeleno who, though in a committed long term relationship, had to leave the plus-one behind because of an undocumented immigration status. political issue number one. so at sitges, i ran into these well-to-dos from the hotel who came down from seattle. they were all members of interracial couples and all worked for heavyweights from silicon valley -- microsoft and apple -- and though i stopped remembering, we de-camped to amerika and i either got ruffied or just did my typical disappearing act or met someone because all i remember is getting up the next morning in a lethargy with a phone number on the bedside table. that and thirty minutes late for my tour. thank goodness it was a private tour. so i ran down, got the guide, and then went out for an all day tour. yeah. the city unfolded itself even more magnificently than it did before my aimless wanderings! the history did not even start my pleasures. we walked all over the city but i learned so much about the eccentricities of the city and the people who have inhabited it. and when we landed in the ritzy recoleta, we had a water and diet coke and a famous buenos aires' artist. we ended the tour with a stroll through the recoleta cemetery and the design museum. that night, when i got back to the hotel, i ordered room service and vegged out with re-runs of greys anatomy. the next morning, i got breakfast in the restaurant and met up with my new seattle friends. we then went to the art festival and then made a stop at pride cafe where we got loaded on fantastic pastries and imbibings and then we went hiking in the preserve couched between the rio plata -- which is actually more accurately described as a mud pond -- and puerto madero. after that, we went to this british pub inspired restaurant and drank ourselves silly. after that, we headed back to the hotel for the pool party which was absolutely mobbed and after several drinks, i met this european and we went back to my room and had the strangest sexual experience i have ever had in my life. it was going so well but it just abruptly stopped in the middle. so i had to walk back to the party in drunken shame and we all decided to hit the club scene properly. we went to club one which had not only around the block but completely covering the street! we stayed there for like a half hour before moving on to million which as so chic that they charged me twenty five dollars for a drink and reminded me of miami in so many ways, but nicer. how the night ended, i could not tell you and i spent all day in bed on monday. on tuesday, i went shopping at the art deco mall looking for undies for my new flame and then left late that night. i had a layover in chile where i learned that despite the money differences, it's a much more expensive country. my magnet cost eleven dollars from the airport.
before i left for my trip, a number of things happened in my life and outside of it: i went to the exsomoene's birthday party and gave the exsomeone a birthday present that only i could give. also, the communications re-opened between the brazilian and i: i learned through that open chanel that the brazilian made plans to move to buenos aires on march sixth for medical school. also, i almost lost my job on the tuesday before we left since they had a round of layoffs, but thankfully i found myself spared. and in other news, the momentum for marriage equality has started to build with the overturn of proposition eight in california by the ninth circuit followed by the ratification of a marriage equality bill in the washington state with two proposals moving forward in new jersey (where the governor vetoed but placed someone on the supreme court as a concession to the issue) and in maryland. unfortunately, depending on enthusiasm levels during the election and the demographics of those voting, the two steps forward might result in six or seven back come the november elections.
( with everything going on, i need to book a seattle trip to understand just how quickly things have moved: seriously, before my buenos aires, i did not realize that seattle had such a strong community of like-minded individuals. perhaps, i could deal with the cold to embrace a city like that. )
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Saturday, December 3
Lavish some attention on the most important person in your love life -- you. Treat yourself to a matinee, buy yourself a little treat you've had your eye on or just veg out luxuriously.
well, one could say that i've found myself utterly neglectful but truly i haven't had the words to express all the feelings that have rushed through my mind over the past two months. i suppose it started with alex' wedding: my friend alex, the one person in my life most adept at creating iconography of the quintessential -- from his moment on the bus in the mexico countryside clapping for the spanish guitarist after too many glasses of vino to the moment at this wedding where he fell against the ice rink in chicago's millenium park with his husband against the star-filled night of the chicago skyline -- held an event at the park grill in chicago that truly will stand as the end of one of the best years of my life. my time in chicago stands as the first time i came to the city completely under my own steam. no group trip. no couch surfing. no bottles of grey goose stashed away in my suitcase. and the weather could not have charmed me more and even the hotel -- in its expected disrepair -- stroked that part of myself that finds such joy in the experience of travel. after a short flight with the real housewives of tampa, a group of women swathed in furs coming to chicago for a weekend of outright -- "last year, i got my burberry boots with the mink cuffs for a song" -- conspicuous consumption, and i took the train in and ingested sleeping pills as i had literally worked until four in the morning, drove to the park and ride bus stop for the airport where i got left, then drove to the airport to waste forty dollars for no reason on parking, and then raced to the red eye, raced on the train, and then, lost in downtown chicago, product, again, of being there on my own steam, and eventually made it to the hotel where i settled the bill in cash. that evening, i took a bath in my room and then readied myself for the welcome dinner where alex wore white tuxedo pants, again, iconic -- we arrived at alex' home for cheese and cocktails -- and upon seeing my outfit -- topman blazer, zara button down, prada brooch, black skinny jeans, and bally trainers -- quickly ruled out any naughtiness after the dinner. we watched a quick run through of the ceremony and then headed up to giordano's for the dinner itself. we had loads of fun over several cocktails and loads of chicago-style comfort food. we eventually decamped to sidetrack and i proceeded to fall in love with each and every one of the cousins from the in-law's side. but you know me with good old fashioned midwesterners. they're like catnip. afterward, rob and i went to south loop club, this diner near our respective hotels, and over calamari and long conversation, it occurred to me that i had not taken my blood pressure medication as i found myself nearly about to pass out. i had room service in the room once rob nearly carried me back to my room and the alcohol procured tears over my own carelessness and my old age. the next day, i found myself immersed in the pleasures of hotel living with restful sleep in a well made bed and room service brought to me at the crack of dawn while i recuperated with hours of msnbc and plans for shopping later. eventually, i staked out in the cold with my military greens, my trench, my hat, feeling oh-so-cosmopolitan -- one woman grabbed her daughter upon seeing me and said, "those are tom fords," as i passed -- and i met with rob and tim at the tiffany on michigan avenue and rob and tim blew about a thousand bucks on their gift. yes, making me feel shamed, but i'm the broke friend, i hope that's clear: i have no spouse to pick up the tab on a set of elsa perretti thumb bowls in gorgeous blue. although i might have to snag one of those oh-too-phallic elsa perretti bone candlesticks. after tim had a back issue, i found myself stranded on michigan avenue and raided all of the finery that it had to offer between topman, filene's closing sale, and the spectacular sights of all those holiday windows lit to perfection rivaled only by new york itself. in my daze, i lost track of time, and had to speed to the train back to the hotel to change and make it to milennium park for the ceremony. to say the ceremony started perfectly understates the case. the bride wore a dolce and gabbana tuxedo with a lanvin bowtie while the bridegroom floated around so strapping that i found myself happy before the ceremony even started. we all flitted around during the cocktail hour with goat cheese lollipop and beef carpaccio and so many other great aperitifs and appetizers. upon the ceremony, i felt the tears again well as the judge recited the ceremonials and afterward i rushed up after the parents to hug them both and welcome the newest member into our circle of friendship. after the ceremony, i imbibed so much that much of the reception dinner remains a blur, but i do recall rurnning into one of alex's best friends who finds herself the best friend of the columbus prospect and after my lovely time with rob's husband and alex's photographer friends and an ediatrix at harlequin, i began a conversation with this friend that spanned too many drinks, our exit from park grill, and rushing off to a bar aptly named "downtown." at the bar, i waxed absolutely rhapsodic about the columbus prospect and who knows what may happen, but we have been texting, but when i suggested i call, that got shut down. and the phone works two ways and it's only worked one way so far. further, i've been quite busy of late, but we'll get to that later.
after the wedding, rob and i had another friendship summit at the south loop club and i didn't pass out this time and we hugged it off -- wrapping it up around five or six -- and i left my wallet so i had to walk back in the dawn -- race to the hotel to take a disco nap and then get dressed for my plane. on the train, my friend jen from new york called to tell me that my friend sara had separated -- legally for she has been physically separated for years -- from her husband. she cried on the phone even as i wrestled with my hastily packed luggage. back home, i went directly from the airport to downtown tampa for the janet jackson concert. well. i spent about a half hour on the phone with sara and found out the details of her separation and i agreed to come down to miami for new year's and then walked over to fly bar for a few drinks and a small snack. well. i ran into this p.r. girl i know and i walked with them to the concert before taking my seats in row x. yeah. far. and for two hundred dollars at that. the concert blew my mind but i wasn't drunk enough to make a scene. both janet and i got the black denim call. so. truly a fitting end to a great year. after the concert, i settled into a hermit like existence with my biggest outing occurring in the days before chistmas with hastily procured gifts. on christmas eve, the exsomeone reprised our yearly tradition although i had no gifts this year outside of my company. and while i haven't had feelings for the exsomeone since the brazilian, it felt good not to pine away alone on yet another holiday -- cue "no happy holidays" by mary j. blige -- and after christmas (one marred by three separate emotinal breakdowns from my mother and sister), and after unsatisfactory text messages from my thanksgiving dalliance and my columbus prospect, i sprinted down to miami. i watched shame with sara in ft. lauderdale and we had great pizza from whole foods and vegged out. on new year's eve, we went down to the village at merrick park so i could scope out my etro pony hair lace ups, which they didn't have, and the girl at nordstrom talked me into the bulgari green tea fragrance. after that, we went to brickell for a well-made dinner and gobs of champagne. we went to club fifty around half past eleven and found a malay at the door. well. we eventually got in and did not have a table, didn't have drinks, and didn't have a good time. not until about maybe half past one. yeah. worst new year's ever. but you know, at least it's a story. and you know, better than most for most people. my friend sara met a strapping youngster and i hit on every eligible and not eligible in the bar to no end. the next day, we brunched it out at balans and toured daytime brickell which made me miss south beach and my old favorite coworker, but it wasn't in the cards for us this trip. we sort of dozed away the afternoon and eventually went for sushi later that night and eventually wound up back at her condo watching downton abbey and unearthing photographs from our college days.
well, when i got back to town, i found myself embarrassingly rotund in my new year's eve pictures and resolved to diet with a big carby kiss off at cassis and a resolution to do something big for my birthday. well, that really brings us to present as i've been slowly rebuilding my finances after one trip followed by another, and finally, two weeks ago, i decided, i'm going to take an "eat pray love" trip to buenos aires for my birthday because i just could not stand staying here depressed and i did not want to find myself longing for things past without pushing into the future. i started a regimen of classes at school to sharpen my pen and even as i got into the new routine, and well, as soon as i thought i'd settle into that, at work, they announced a round of lay offs that would affect my department by three to four positions: and of course, i thought i should batton down the hatches (and call off any adventures abroad), but quickly received assurances from my boss that i shouldn't count myself in danger, and after i put pen to paper, i realized i should be able to survive until september even if the worse happened and just when i thought i could deal with no more change: the p.r. girl texted me two nights ago to tell me she's moving to fort lauderdale and we need one last send off. so we went to hiro's -- i had spent my last disposable penny on my planes and hotels and such -- and i got kind of tipsy and we caught each other up on our love lives -- or lack thereof -- and then i went to the only bar in town -- which had a sad showing for a friday night (even at two o clock in the morning) -- and i came home in a mood to connect and wrote to this twenty four year old i've always fancied but never had the guts, this english professor, and the brazilian on facebook. well. turns out the brazilian has moved back to brazil to take care of an invalid father and i suspect a mentally unwell mother and we chatted all day today on facebook. every pang of attraction and pain came back and we hashed the issue of our demise: apparently, on that final night, the brazilian suffered the loss of a patient at work. and i guess when i called angry about not receiving a response and going off, the brazilian just wrote me off because the brazilian couldn't deal with both. well, if that didn't set my mind soaring with possibility and if mutually exchanged i-miss-yous didn't have me looking to see if i could take a detour to brasilia, i found that both prospects messaged in drunkeness and one -- the twenty four year old psychology student -- began texting me. i don't know why i always start these things when i'm about to go somewhere, but i always find it best to have something to leave behind, i suppose.
Invest in Your Spiritual Life!
The planet of love, Venus, opposes Mars on February 1, offering a terrific opportunity to address past relationship difficulties. Then on February 3, Neptune enters its home sign, Pisces, when cultivating your spirituality becomes an important ingredient in attaining success.
( so here i find myself looking to the blue skies again promise me some long needed escape, but it appears i'm not the only one wrapped up in this notion with karl lagerfeld trying his hardest not to admit that his latest couture show found inspiration in the now cancelled 'pan am' television show (and the glamour of those stewardesses) and the blue skies they themselves brought into the modern world. and though i didn't find myself inspired by chanel's pre-fall or prada's spring-summer, we find that from david lynch technicolor blue skies to blue suited girls walking down the aisle of the plane, everyone looks to the skies to avoid the economic desperation waiting on the ground. )
http://www.graziadaily.co.uk/WardrobeWhispers/archive/2012/01/25/debate--was-it-inappropriate-of-chanel-to-splash-the-couture-cash.htm
| Date: | 2011-11-30 05:47 |
| Subject: | last night. |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  coital |
Daily Single's Horoscope for Tuesday, November 22
Out with the old and in with the new! Make a change in your approach at romance. If online personals aren't working, try meeting people the old fashioned way: in person! Accept all party invitations!
"what have i walked into.....sodom and gomorrah?!" well, most would not get greeted with such a shocked exclamation on the day after thanksgiving, but there i found myself with jeans half unbuttoned sprawled across some ostentation red suede couch in the middle of a mcmansion-sized townhouse having stumbled down the stairs still swirling from the imbibitions from the night (and day), having stumbled across the if-i-only-had-a-brain lankiness of that supervisor, who, with pants equally unbuttoned and shirt half-tucked, had sillinesses glistening in the eyes and peeking through the teeth, had me wondering what got heard and what got done even as the friend with whom i had spent the night before came downstairs in sheer underthings, eyes fixated on a constantly vibrating phone, plopping around the kitchen for reading glasses and coffee filters, and on this couch, i lifted my head, mortified and proud at once, to realize that i had wandered into this odd thatch of incest and inappropriateness and had done things i should perhaps not have. it brought into sharp relief this idea that i had bandied about like a ping pong ball nugget of twenty four karat gold: that the height of happiness remains but one winking breath away from a life of utter loneliness. for the past few weeks, i could not shake the juxtaposition of the first bold face clenching kiss of a true romance against the ubiquitous image in contemporary news type of that of a brutal dictators in their final moments of life dying alone on the floor. assassinated. felled by disease. murdered. going quietly. of course, at its genesis, one can blame the tom ford film, "a single man," which brought together that hot flesh-toned idea of youthfulness and chance and possibility with that hollowed still frame of someone collapsed bedside reaching out to memories washed away and the thoughts of what could have. it began not even one full day after i last posted when the brazilian decided to end all communication posthaste. de-friended on facebook. phone calls, voice mails, and text messages all unanswered. unplugged. unhooked. detached. dethorned. forbidden. forgotten. and before i had the balls to block the profile for my own good, i got left nothing but a trail of cryptic wall posts (from someone who barely used facebook to check into locations or post pictures) -- messages like, "a man had better starve at once than lose his innocence in the process of getting bread. GM to all" -- which i spent days unpacking and dissecting only to find myself more confused than if i had read nothing at all. and it wouldn't have bothered me if i had the closure i sought out or even the neverending quest for closure i have sought for years in this journal with the exsomeone. and ironically, i believe, two weekends ago, i may have finally gotten as part of the digestion of this latest jilt. i sat their in the dim glow of holiday lights with the exsomeone's feet crossed casually and perhaps evocatively across my lap as we talked and caught up on our lives and i kept babbling on and babbling on like some crying brook about how i've lost even what little motivation that i once had to even try again or to seek out that dream or to ride that dream trip (girl) and i found myself just stalled out after this last one because it didn't feel perfect, but it felt so right, and i know it fell on deaf ears and sleepy eyes as i repaired to my car, thankful for the small kindness of the exsomeone who invited me to the holiday party out of pity really, but proving a true friend. finally, without any other agenda at this point. at least from my side. but that creek of thought kept flowing, bubbling, ebbing: over thanksgiving afternoon, as i sat over a cold omelet at denny's with my sister (both of us tired-hungover from a night at the only bar in town the night before with my sister's new eckerd college friend), and as i guzzled a family size bottle of wine with the p.r. girl that thanksgiving evening, that i'm not really pursuing people wildly wrong for me anymore. as much as my sister held reservations and as much as i saw warning signs of my own, it still felt right. it felt good. it felt easy. the conversation flowed right. something i find myself increasingly refusing to live without. and the kisses flowed right, which, i mean, isn't hard to come by, but nice to have. like a good billfold. even the sex, which i use to carry around in my satchel of contradictions as both a badge of honor and a pearl of insecurity, just came about so easy. so good. so non-chalantly. morning breath. late night. drunken. sober. before dawn. afternoon. from the side. cowgirl. jack hammer. in the tub. on the couch. as the cats watched on. and who knows what could've come. but it's come into devastating contrast as i have sought recently -- a drunken night after too many cocktails at tryst with the dirtiest person i have ever slept with; an ugly emotional acting out on the morning after the brazilian stopped communicating with me; and the chuck-e-cheese's child's play i had upstairs that morning after thanksgiving as i threw myself into a thistle of incest with someone as well-versed and well-practiced in sex as michiko kakutani finds herself in contemporary literature -- and finally, the personality. that odd eccentric little curiosity of a personality that delighted me so and made me cleve to the brazilian so. something as rare and endearing as that of the exsomeone. something unique enough to always keep me guessing and out of my comfort zone. something i have not found in what sad few dates -- some greek chef i met the next week for dinner at ceviche (fail); some basketball coach from sarasota who i met at ellenton outlet mall only to find myself shocked and disgusted by the discrepancy between the ideal nature of pictures posted and the post-stroke-paralysis-of-face ugliness of the person in real life -- and something i found myself even missing when i bounced between the friends and co-workers on thanksgiving night. after i had had too many glasses of wine, i let the p.r. girl convince me to go to the only bar in town (she lives at the apartment tower on the next block) in cargo shorts, a banana republic polo shirt, and tom ford optical glasses. three things i'd never wear on a night out LET ALONE all three together. and after a few too many cocktails, i ran into the supervisor, who actually had a birthday, and the manager (who actually i know through the exsomeone and who recently had a heart attack which dumbfounded me seeing as most people in that type of recovery don't hang out at bars), and a previous co-worker, who i've had flirtations with before, and the one person i didn't know from work who, i thought, making a wise decision, i could sleep with without consequence and did: but who would've thought i'd end up there when after my last post, i found myself twittering around my apartment waiting by the phone, waiting for the brazilian to get off work even as daylight turned to nightfall and my impatience sitting at home became my impatience sitting at cassis having a cocktail. and another. then, sending a text. then, another. ordering food. having a cocktail. then, another. inviting my sister to keep me company. having a cocktail. de-camping outright to go to a new bar, tryst, up the street. having a cocktail. and finally, going home. not fuming, but emotional, for sure, going online to sites i shouldn't and seeing the brazilian online. writing the brazilian. only to set off a calvacade of blocks, de-friendings, unanswered calls, unrequited feelings. and then, the next morning, even as i wiped away the guilt of my acting out encounter, i found myself face-to-face with the reality of that thing. and for the next two nights, since i worked, i found myself driving by, with no satisfaction, no resolution. just more confused. what exactly had happened? that friday, i enlisted the help of my friends, with the p.r. girl and her old coworker (the p.r. girl finds herself out of a job lately), and we went to a fashion show downtown and my sister joined us at the garden and we all ended up at a big round table at ceviche stuffing ourselves only for my sister and i to stop by tryst -- where we saw the deposed school superintendent -- once again with my wailing refrain, "i just want closure," and after that night, and that weekend, and that hectic amazing race of a week, i found myself midweek watching the film, "last night," and drenched with the idea that the distance from outright happiness to despair remains a short one. the moment of reconciliation in the film comes within seconds of the moment of ultimate doubt and deceit. and the film ends. it's the unhappy parenthesis to my old favorite "heights." but also an interesting parenthesis to the news of the day what with qhaddafi's death and the birth of the obama doctrine. and then, i went deeper into this pit with a viewing of the independent feature, "i am love," only to find myself reflecting on the news of the saudi prince dying in the midst of conspiracy theories syriana movie plots news items about iran seeking to assassinate a saudi prince by blowing up a restaurant. again, the glistening of a great night out to dinner with the image of a saudi prince dead in the street. and the next couple of days didn't help. my sister buying me wine at cassis to hear me rehearse the same thing once again after my bad greek chef date at ceviche. my sister buying me a steak dinner at sam seltzer's. and little-to-nothing changed or morphed. i found myself peeking through an un-blocked profile to see how the brazilian did. and then, applying retail therapy to the wound. finally, immersing myself in travel planning, which between chicago, then perhaps birthday wishes in buenos aires, and seasons changing in shanghai, i find myself worried about money and stations in life and whether i have the verve to carry off this much disappointment even as i live a life as full as i find it with the joys that this life can bring. so when that old coworker launched into the townhouse casting aspersions with the "what have i walked into....sodom and gomorrah?" i found myself wondering then, and even later that morning, as my hook up described the contours of my flesh and as i laid on that old coworker's lap as seductions dripped from those lips and even as that supervisor intimated the same, "what have i walked into?"
Love and Passion!
In a week when many people behave in ways they later wish they hadn't, love planet Venus joins powerful Pluto in commitment-focused Capricorn on December 1 -- an aspect that can create an unshakable love connection. And once feisty Mars squares the Sun on December 2, be sure to keep an eye out for those who act in ways that don't represent the best of who they are.
( 'remember lot's wife,' remains one of the most chilling new testament scriptures, but it pricks the mind in its brevity: and while so many try to write off the allegory of sodom and gomorrah as one where the moral of the story circled around hospitality, one can't help but see it as a cautionary tale about those who think they're saved and a remnant discovering that they're not. after all, not even in lot's household could the righteous be found between his pillar-of-salt wife, his obviously depraved daughters, and the husbands of his daughters that got left behind. )
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:John_Martin_-_Sodom_and_Gomorrah.jpg
Assess Your Relationships!
This interesting week gets going with a feisty Aries full Moon on October 11, and as much as you'll want to pay attention to your own needs at this time, you'll need to consider others' desires as well. As Mercury enters problem-solving Scorpio on October 13, you're set to discover valuable new information; meanwhile, the Sun-Saturn conjunction later that same day provides serious energy! Then, on October 14, your relationships get a second look as Venus opposes Jupiter.
every single time i sidle up to my laptop to begin to pen my livejournal post, i remark to myself that for a relatively simple and boring life, i have crammed quite a bit into the weeks i have stayed away. the feeling i've experienced mostly over the past couple of weeks borders on a fear and an excitement and an enchantment and a longing. and it's an image that has haunted me and seduced me. the saturday before last, i headed over to the brazilian's apartment after the brazilian had endured yet another long day at work. with the eighty hour weeks the brazilian has worked and the few overtime hours i've logged, getting together has proved a greater and greater challenge, and when i came over, the brazilian still had on the dark blue scrubs from the clinic and a weary expression that carried the weight of everything the week had put the brazilian through. so, i came in, bristled back, and asked whether or not the brazilian wanted me to join in or not. i had brought over a big bottle of wine and the brazilian had lit some candles. pretty soon the bathtub started filling with water and within minutes we both sat beneath the steaming waters decompressing. of course, because it's me, and because it happens even when i'm alone, my body registered excitement when submerged beneath the warm currents and it felt nearly perfect, despite the cramped quarters, to lay there in the heat with a true paramour. even with all the unaddressed shit between us, it just felt simple and good and delicious. we sat there for a half hour or so talking about silly things and eventually emerging into netflixed episodes of star trek enterprise, the ordering of delivery, and a little tumbling between the sheets. a tumbling which though enthusiastic did not culminate in the exchange we normally accomplish. and, i, with my mind that never leaves me, wondered whether or not this forced sexual ending meant something more given all the things i had racing through my mind with the thumping pulse drumming against my ear. was this the beginning of the end? was one encounter without the catapult to ecstasy the end of the affair? did the wine have anything to do with it? did the bloom fall off the rose? did it even matter? and since then the idea of this dalliance we have with the water, with the known unknown, with the beautiful danger of it, with the fairy tale mystery of it, really have some credence. i found that over the weeks with the brazilian that i found myself both comforted and frightened by that which i did not know. we had grown apart slightly. it happens in all things, no? we did not fuck each other like rabbits each and every time we saw each other. we had gotten to the meat of this thing. but we both seemed to recoil. to push back. to fall away from that inevitable place. resisting the gravity of the real. of the serious. of the commitment. but then, did it have something to do with money? we all know how over my head i can get and after the wedding in new york, i found myself particularly broke and expectedly so and on that sunday when we were tossing around the idea of going to one of the films that cost twenty five dollars a ticket, i made mention that i couldn't afford to treat this round and a layer of frost iced over our conversation from that point forward. not that it hasn't been there in the back of my mind: unlike my friend alex, i do travel and i do enjoy my life abroad as a trade off many times to my life at home. and the money spent in chicago or new york or boston does not sit in isolation while my life spins along in perpetual motion, it halts that cycle, it interrupts it. and it has for so long that i have lost touch with the p.r. girl. my sister and i had stopped speaking. and the extent of my social life circled around my schedule at work and the subsidy of the brazilian. but i tried to fight against it, but, as i discussed with my sister, i don't know if it's this way because of my brokenness or by design. i've offered to pay. i've offered to treat. but it's been batted away. my suggestions get overruled. they get sidelined. they get avoided. they don't get discussed. and so, after a while, i stopped suggesting. i can do things i like with my friends or my sister or when i go out of town, i reason. that's not what's important to me in a relationship. it's important to me in my friends, but not in a lover. and maybe that's where it starts. i don't know.
i guess i should start where i left off a few weeks ago. after having faux-emotional anxiety about the wedding, i used my next payday to pick up a new pair of tom ford specs and meet the brazilian at the mall afterward for a dinner date at the cheesecake factory. yes, the literal one. i know i sometimes use it as code when referring to my online dalliances and have often disparaged it as a place for only tourists and boozy saturday afternoons shopping with one too many glasses of cheap champagne, but i guess, in the end, it serves a purpose and i go anywhere with my rose-colored glasses on and besides, i could tell it's one of those ideas that stuck in the brazilian's head and there stood no sense in trying to resist that. so we had a nice enough dinner and a leisurely walk back into the mall and then we had to break because the brazilian "had to" take a friend home after work (because the buses don't run apparently.....not). so i went home buzzed and horned up, but resisted the urge to do anything stupid as i typically would. no exsomeone. no only bar in town. no nothing. just went home. put myself to sleep or some shit. the next night, i ventured out to my favorite haunt, cassis -- alone because my sister and i had been in a fight over her having to stay here for schooling -- and over a few espressotinis, chatted up with various other bar patrons including this rather delectable diner who sat there having birthday drinks with two girlfriends from work. and they thoroughly provided my entertainment for the night with drunken hijinks and sexual innuendos galore. alas. i went home alone and horned up but didn't do anything stupid. no only bar in town. no cheesecake factory. nothing. i put myself to sleep or some shit. i didn't want to repeat the episodes of the past where i got left with some semblance of guilt because i find myself incapable of having a simple conversation. too afraid of the stakes. too fearful of the outcome. too worried about the words. too unprepared for the aftermath. good or bad.
well, thankfully, for my finances, i had to work labor day weekend, but on that sunday, i had plans wiith the brazilian to hang out with the brazilian and the brazilian's friends for dinner and whatever else the evening held. well. i woke up and when i sent a text about when i should come over and the brazilian wrote back that they had already offed for lunch in tampa and that i should just meet them there. when i inquired where, it became clear that it would represent a foolishly long drive so i immediately became upset because i knew what happens next. i've been here before where chicks come before dick and i'm left sitting there fuming. so i said....well, have fun with your friends. and the brazilian made a point of saying that we could still hang out, but hours past, and after saying "well after dinner," then "after drinks," it became, "my friend is sleeping over on the couch," and that lead me to really blow up (over text message) because it became so flagrantly obvious that the friends had won out over me. i tried to reign it in, but i remained furious because when we made plans earlier -- and i have to make plans earlier as i have to alter my sleep schedule to accommodate anything that takes place during the day after a night i've worked -- it was "well we can just hang out at the apartment because i have to go to work early in the morning" so i bent over backward trying to not let our schedules get in the way of us and then i get burned and i look like a sap. well, what i tried to end on a not-so-angry note because of that whole "never let the sun go down on your anger" bit, but it got resolved through natural life happenings when i found out the next day that the brazilian got pulled over for speeding but then charged with a felony: driving with a suspended license. strange since i got a similar charge when i my insurance lapsed, but it certainly didn't result in court dates and felony charges. so, needless to say, driving privileges got curtailed so i leapt in as the good boyfriend, "let me pick you up from work! it's stupid to take a cab!" and i drove up and all the animosity of the night before had melted away as i felt even more included in the goings-on of the brazilian's life. watching the brazilian wrap up things at the clinic sitting there as "the man"....i don't know. it did something. so i spent the night. we probably screwed. who can remember? and then the next day, we spent all day, and i mean ALL DAY, in bed watching the good wife and cuddling with each other. i''ve never been so happy. i had to go to work that night and i struggled through but i thought we had something good in that moment.
that friday, i went to see "contagion" and reawakened all of my love for the soderbergh-ian flourishs on film but after the movie, i got to talking to the brazilian who miraculously still remained awake despite the midnight hour and having worked twelve hours that day starting before the sun rose and somehow i made my way over -- first stopping by a late night mcdonald's -- and we spent the night and the morning, but then i had to venture off to go shopping with my parents and sister to the outlet mall -- i mean, you know me and last minute things for new york -- and then i came back and i don't know how it happened, but i wound up back over the brazilian's and we went out for thai food and then grocery shopping. again, these are the things that make me cleave to someone. the routine. the oridinary. afterward, i spent the night. and, the next day, we went for lunch with the brazilian's best friend at a peruvian restuarant in tampa then we went to international plaza where we spent an interminable amount of time walking around and getting gelatos and boring me to death -- i don't like shopping without money -- so then we broke apart or i stayed over. frankly, i don't remember. all i know is that the next wednesday, after i got paid, and after i bought underwear and socks and things, i went over and we had a bon voyage fuck before i left for new york. oh yeah, and i added the brazilian to my facebook. seriously, i sometimes think i wasn't cut out to date this century.
that thursday, i got a ride to the airport and i touched town in new york -- in my silken scarves and cordoroy and fall finest -- and met up with jen at her apartment. this time, we caught up over cocktails at this old time new york bar where men smoked cigars and wore three piece suits and where we had stiff dry martinis and laughed about how empty our stomachs were. so we headed down to the lower east side for dinner at this tequila joint called mayahuel which had reasonable food but horrible cocktails -- i realized again that tequila just isn't my drink and really, truly, i should never drink it -- so horrible that we even tried the cocktails of the table next to ours and nothing did it. we did leave with a half-buzz and headed to another pub on the lower east side to meet one of her coworkers who always doles out equal amounts of trouble and fun and somehow we ran into her red-headed coworker who i knew from ohio state and who i have never really trusted and this coworker sat there with a hearing impared looker. i mean, looker. and they had met at some social group or something but we got into a fight about the sex ratio of the world which i knew i was right, but couldn't explain it and i tried to parlay that into something, but you know, this hearing impared something or other apparently liked girls which i didn't buy because why would this hearing impaired something or other hang out with my red-headed classmate from years earlier? but four or five rounds later, i found myself deep in conversation with a dreadlocked, hippy type who i had convinced myself to be a undercover cop and though i found myself radically attracted, i resisted all of the wiles because all of the advances came under the auspices of obtaining one specific thing which i would never do with someone that good looking without them saying the words which this dreadlocked person would not say. that simple.
so somehow, we wound up back at my friend's apartment where, it later got reported, i projectile vomited all over the bathroom and then passed out on the couch. well. i woke up to nakedness. not just the nakedness of my red headed friend, but also this personal trainer who my friend jen had brought home. they were sitting on the couch. butt naked. having a conversation about something stupid. like, tequila vs. vodka or something and holding in their hand the very thing i wouldn't share with the dreadlocked person and the very thing i would NEVER EVER trust the red head with let alone someone i didn't even recognize. so i went into my paranoid, "how did that get out of my pocket?" speech but somehow it turned into a naked party all around with my high ass stripping down and taking it too many steps forward. i mean, as i've explained to rob, i blame it on my own weak psychology. my silly little fantasies. for me, a great night out is very formulaic. it's dinner. then, drinks. then, more drinks. then, probably, dancing. then, decadence. then, after party. then, clothes-off after party. then, more decadence. then, disco nap. then, morning, regret, etc. very formulaic. it happened quite a couple of times during the live wire period. but not that much sense. the elements just never were all there. i had the dinner and drinks and then that's it. or the drinks and decadence and that's it. never has it gone from start to finish and boy did i regret it this time. somehow, all my feelings of attraction toward the red head came to the surface -- they had appeared the last time i was in new york, but they passed after i saw the red head out of the flattering coat -- and somehow we wound up spooning but i blame, mostly, missing the brazilian. so that's that. embarrassing. the next day, i slept all the livelong day because, one, i hadn't slept the day before and i had worked the night before that, and two, because i had basically stayed up all night. so it was eight o clock at night and i didn't want to move. not for rob. not for anyone. but jen forced me to hop the train to hoboken -- after stopping by this bar to fuel up. oh, did i forget to mention that the personal trainer was still there?! yeah, the red head disappeared (rightfully embarrassed), but the personal trainer spent the day eating take out, drinking tequila, and partaking in other libations that we had to stop by the bar to replenish -- and we went to a birthday party at the bar at the top of the w hotel. otherwise known as douche bag central. but i did sort of network with this advertising girl so not completely a waste. the next day, we had to scramble for the wedding, with alex flying in and jen forcing the personal trainer out, and i trying to equalize after two days of partying. well, we spent most of the morning being bitchy new yorkers -- when in rome -- and the ceremony turned out more beautifully than i could've imagined and cocktails afterward went swimmingly -- after we tried to crash the oak room before it even opened -- and then we went to flute where i got pretty toasted on five vodka cranberries -- i had had something called a "cranberry gosling" at the essex house earlier -- and then we ran home so i could change from white and black to black on black and then went to co-op to begin a night of celebration and forgetfulness. we had several cocktails called "the light" -- ironic only to me because of my post several weeks ago -- and after a fantastic dinner where i made many trips to the bathroom, i switched to belvedere on the rocks outright and my memory started to falter because i felt like i would cry over my best friend getting married so i began acting debaucherous and we decamped to go to "beauty and essex" but not everyone could get in so we went to verlaine which i've been to so many times i can't count with jen and then we went to this really edgy bar called "the dark room" which literally made me black out. i don't even know how we got home. apparently, i lost her keys but had them all along. yeah. so. alex left and i slept all day, then ordered take out then jumped on the e train and made it home in the wee hours of monday morning.
i coasted through the week and on that friday night, i went to see "drive" which basically stood as the masculine equivalent of "marie antionette," namely, a well-directed music video very long on style but very short on substance, which i love, although in a completely different way than movies like "traffic"/"syriana"/"contagion." i find soderbergh movies like a great risotto dish where i find movies like "drive"/"marie antionette"/"belly" like great cocktails. on that saturday, i hung out with the brazilian, we went to dinner at the brazilian steakhouse, we went to before (which tasted infinitely better since i could eat carbs!), and then, we came home and watched some suze orman episodes before we went to sleep. the next day, we had a late lunch with the brazilian's best friend at olive garden -- endless pasta! -- and then hung out for apple pie and ice cream later (there i found out that the day after my last post when the brazilian supposedly had a flat tire, the brazilian actually had it fixed, went with his best friend to the last supper social -- the one i've been trying to get involved with for years -- and then drank and smoked and that's when i came over for a screw afterward). well, i went home after that to watch the "good wife" and two days later the brazilian went to court and i don't know what happened but i know it wasn't good. that thursday (after an excruciating cleaning at my dentist), my sister and i made amends. first, at z grille where i had this raspberry lemonade that rocked just the right way, then to mandarin hide that convinced me to try that near cosmopolitan which again tasted nasty, and then at cassis which had a similar lemonade that rocked me further on the path to drunkeness, and then a vodka cranberry at midtown where she had a burger and then unknown drinks at the only bar in town where (weeks later) she told me was out of control and where she had fun because there were so many strippers and drag queens -- none of which i remember, but all i know, is that i was so drunk that i not only threw up, but i was so drunk that i was still hungover THE NEXT NIGHT. but thankfully, i didn't do anything stupid to jeopardize my relationship, but i did notice a little pain that got me to worrying. normally, i would let something like that just slide, but given the sexual relationship between the brazilian and i -- one without prophylactics -- i brought it up. well. it didn't lead to the "going steady" conversation i wanted, it ventured into this clinical direction and somehow i wound up going over that friday night on my lunch hour to get an antibiotic. so, since then, i feel like things have cooled off. in return, i did contact my lawyer friend about the felony charge, but nothing has happened with that.
that brings us to the saturday night with the bath. we, of course, fucked. then on the sunday, after we discussed going to the film festival, but then decided against it once i made mention that i couldn't pay for the twenty five dollar tickets, i decided to go to my parents' for dinner. well. in my haste, my car slid off the slick highway and hit a light pole. it damaged my car quite a bit and could've really hurt me, but it didn't. one two hundred dollar ticket, thirty dollar tow, two days of embarrassing commute to work, and seven hundred dollar (on going) repair later, i am without a car and i haven't seen the brazilian since. i went to the movies on wednesday alone to see "ides of march" and i hung out with my sister last thursday for a drink and sushi at vue19. and sure, the brazilian and i have talked, but we haven't seen each other. and i miss the brazilian and i feel like distance has had an impact on our relationship and though i've thrown out some ideas i could "treat" the brazilian to, i've had no bites. it's like i can feel the brazilian slipping away and i there's nothing i can do. i invited the brazilian to dinner tonight but we'll see if anything happens. if not, i'm guaranteed not to see the brazilian before friday night (the next time i'm off). it's really chilling how quickly something so peaceful and relaxing can become something menacing and inundating. and while i'd like to venture to the fantastic place where mermaids swim and seashells gleam, i'm left with a feeling of impending doom that i cannot shake. let's hope that this passes.
( now onto the representations of this water imagery in the latest fashion season and it's chilling roots in the suicide of virginia woolf and the frightening painting of frida kahlo. again, the shoe celebrates the fantastic, but the mind can't help but return to the quiet danger of what lies beneath )
well, it's getting serious. i don't know if it's just getting dating serious or sexually serious, but it's definitely gone past just a casual affair between the brazilian and i. we've not yet had a fight and we've not yet gone out to a bar as a couple. i haven't introduced the brazilian to my friends -- mainly because i've been 'ghost' as my sister would say -- since about the second quarter due to my travel schedule and work schedule, but in the end, it's getting serious. and although my sister and i have become somewhat estranged lately, her warnings against looking "hungry" or "thirsty" still bounce around in my head although i've successfully tuned them completely out. since i've last wrote, the brazilian and i have moved from a couple of initial encounters with dinners out and drinks to chinese takeout and netflix to friends over lunch and plans into the future types. i have always said that relationships in our world move at a pace called fast forward. a day is like a week, a week is like a month, a month is like a year.
and what a year it's been. soon after i last wrote, my life changed infinitely and unchangeably for the better. after a rather mundane day at work, i departed for the airport with one carry on bag -- thank you delta baggage fees -- and had my mind on getting my airline taxes back since the congress found itself once again incapable of timely decisive action -- both on the debt ceiling, but, in this case, the federal aviation administration -- but found those intentions quickly dashed by incompetence at the customer service desk and then a reversal of policy by the congress in later days -- and after catching a connection and calling for an airport shuttle, i found myself at a cheap airport hotel catching some sleep before catching the metro downtown for some touristy sightseeing, a few cocktails at a faux-trendy bar, and then the concert of my lifetime. well, of course, because my outfit involved dark military green shirtsleeves, a lanvin military green and brown tie, and ysl jeans, the temperature had to have soared nearly to one hundred degrees and my walk to the arch did the quick job of soaking my concert look in sweat and my hunt for the resto-bar mango quickly got compromised because of the heat into my ducking into a downtown restaurant named mosaic where martinis cost four bucks and the ahi tuna found itself subpar. however, it did give me the opportunity to encounter a nice cross section of the city in the affable bartender with her deigned interest in the concert, a trendy-ish couple comprised of an overly-made up woman in tacky midwestern wear and her ben sherman-ed out husband who hailed from london and actually knew people from tampa and intrigued me so deeply that it made london once again rise on the list. there's something about those black londoners. they've popped up in the news of late. but let me assure you, this guy did not come from that sort. we chatted on and on about the recent passing of amy winehouse and maxwell and all the concerts we had seen. and of course, about the one we both were about to see. then, another couple entered in for a quick bite before the concert. this one comprised of a homely woman in more midwestern wear and a fairly trendy and very very attractive spouse. this spouse sold radio ads for a living so we got on as two media sales people tend to, but after my third martini, i had to beg off because i didn't actually want to find myself drunk for the show. i walked down to the arena and found myself so privileged to walk in and get escorted down to the third row in the scottrade center FULL of adoring fans.
while the opening act by john legend did actually surprise me (since i did not know one song before the concert), i did find myself wholly roped in by the backup singer/dancers and the all-white three piece suit john legend wore that began to become quite sheer after a sweaty performance. one thing about sitting in the third row is that all of those crazy noises and uncomfortable laughs i make when aroused actually catch the attention of the people on the stage. yeah. i was one of those. but this did not prepare me at all for the main act: SADE LIVE IN ST LOUIS. now. for those unfamiliar, while my musical tastes really remain quite dilettantish seeing as i'd rather listen to a great npr story than listen to new music given a choice most days, but sade -- like anita baker, like janet jackson, like michael jackson -- remains one of those almost hereditary musical totems of mine. she has played an interesting and formative role not only in my childhood and my sexual awakening -- i did even understand why i found myself so allured by her in my youth but i did and it crescendoed in confusion with "no ordinary love" and the "indecent proposal" film i never found myself allowed to see at that age -- but my love for sade came to the fore in my adulthood after i went to disney over ten years ago with and old flame of mine and that flame's tampa friends and after the park, we camped out for a few hours at the apartment of this gym-obsessed interracial couple where we watched a sade concert on dvd for hours as it got narrated by the sade aficiando half of that couple. well, not only did i find myself so impacted by the marital bliss of that ideal looking couple -- especially the looks of non-sade aficianado, a strong silent type if one ever existed -- but i found myself entranced once again by her music. and that odd commingling has blossomed over the years to the point where one of the biggest disappointments of my life remains missing the lovers live tour at the end of my time at ohio state. afraid to go by myself.
but now, i did not find myself afraid. and she did not disappoint. she opened with soldier of love, of course, but i found myself singing along to every single one of her songs over the course of the two or three hours she serenaded the uproarious crowds that night. and much like john legend, i found myself frequently distracted by someone in her background, namely, the guitarist/saxophonist. and, call me crazy, i kept feeling like we made eye contact. yes, i'm totally willing to become a groupie to that. it's all about that stage presence. and as the show drew to a close, i felt myself both exhilarated but also saddened that she didn't sing my favorite song, "cherish the day," but after a ten minute standing ovation, the band came back on and sang the SHIT out of my song. i teared up. i sang every word. and i had the feeling one has when one knows that one's experiencing something that one will remember for the rest of one's life.
after the concert, i caught the train back to the room, caught a few hours of sleep (i had to walk back because my phone stopped working at this point), and then caught the shuttle back to the airport where i departed for columbus. well, what's to say about columbus? while i missed it immensely, i probably wouldn't have gone if i had known about rob's wedding before booking the ticket. the money simply isn't there. but i'm glad i went because it not only scratched at my nostalgia, but it gave me the gift of great times with my best friends and the reverberations of meeting someone i honestly clicked with from the beginning. but, first things first, on friday, rob and i caught up a bit before alex arrived and then we all sprinted to the hotel after taking a constitutional (by car) around the short north and the campus area. that night, we went to an interminable work party with rob's company peers and then went the marcella's -- an ironic name given the appellation of the brazilian -- to remind ourselves of the olden days and after a horrible grapefruit concotion -- no w gimlet here! -- and an even worse bottle of champagne -- it literally tasted like beer -- we walked up to level where rob ran into people he knew and i found myself paralyzed by social awkwardness after seeing so many people i knew from the olden days and half knew from facebook who i no longer knew. thankfully, alex introduced me to a subpar absolut ruby and soda concotion that finally got me buzzed and then we went up to the new union station where we met up with an old friend, rita, who used to work at bennetton, and began resorting to our old nefariousness which quickly ended since bars close so early there. and somehow alex and i wound up in the hotel room alone which kind of pissed us off because it seemed quite calculated that rob wouldn't spend time with us.
the next day, we went to campus and had a walking tour just reminiscing about all of the great times we had. after campus, we returned to the hotel only to have rob rope us into cocktails with the fiance. at this seriously dive bar that served drinks so strong that we all carried around a buzz off of one round. after happy hour, we went back to the hotel to change and then went to barcelona where i got quite tipsy off cosmopolitans and then we went to the short north where we got snubbed at eleven and wound up, once again, at level. same bartenders, different crowd, and after some quick moments downstairs, we became involved in an endless exchange with this couple from montreal -- what is it about those french canadians?! -- and i seriously wanted to sleep with the blonde half and after an hour long conversation where it became clear that wouldn't happen -- does it ever? i don't think i've been with a blonde in years -- i decided to join a conversation with alex who had somehow re-united with one of his good college girlfriends who lives in DC and whose friend and i had an immediate connection that resulted in one of my desultory conversations where i try to distance myself from my object because of how intensely i like them. well. this got intensified by alex and rob pulling me to the side and saying how much they endorsed this romance. and after we got a rickshaw ride downtown -- which could've sent the poor rickshaw rider into cardiac arrest -- the romance blossomed into a drunken hookup. and we'll see what more from there. we're friends on facebook. it's so strange for me to meet someone my age who i'm that attracted to and that intellectually compatible with. but then again, it's columbus. i never really found myself all that lonely when i lived there despite all the drama.
the next day, alex and i had a buffet breakfast and then we all headed east toward rob's apartment and then for a day of shopping at easton after a long wet brunch on my part. after checking out familiar stores, we went back and had dinner at a small sushi restaurant in rob's ex-urb. after a few hours of mindless television, a little bit of tense argument between rob and his betrothed, and many late night hours of facebook, i went to bed and got up for the airport the next morning. only to have a ridiculous flight delay that resulted in my missing work and running into the p.r. girl's makeup artist friend at chipotle that afternoon. after i got the stuff with my phone sorted -- it did not work at all while i stayed out of town -- my lines of communication resumed with the brazilian and i got a text from my columbus romance. that wednesday, i went shopping with my sister and then on thursday, i believe, i spent the night with the brazilian. so that happened. and the brazilian had designs on having me meet the best friend the next day, but i had to work. we didn't get back together until the next friday and we watched star trek voyager reruns, ate chinese take out, and fucked like ferrets. the next morning, we headed over to tampa to have lunch with the best friend at lonestar and then i left because they had a weekend planned out of town to celebrate yet another friend's birthday. and how could i judge seeing as i had just come back into town? also, my sister and i had a family meeting to deal with her schooling and that went not as either of us would've wanted and now she's staying here for a semester -- staying here and not speaking to me -- instead returning to florida state. anywho, that next wednesday, i was supposed to go out with the brazilian to the movies, but that fell through due to a work commitment (which lead me to go catch a double matinee of "friends with benefits" and "the beginners") so i went out with my sister to exorcise my frustrations with french fare and fantastic cocktails at cassis where someone literally fell off their barstool with drunkenness and then we went to ceviche where i discovered my new favorite drink, the mango mojito made without sugar, and where i had a long conversation with an overly friendly patron and a jazz singer, and then we went to the only bar in town where i got positively soused out of my mind which lead to drunken online mishaps (nothing regrettable) and a drunk text to the exsomeone which didn't mean anything right off but the next day between the vomits, the hangover jimmy john's, and a mad men marathon, i somehow wound up over the exsomeone's "just to talk" and we all know how that ends.
i left feeling guilty (and noticing that the exsomeone and the brazilian live on the same street although some one hundred and thirty blocks apart in different municipalities), but we haven't said the words nor had the conversation -- which i would've like to do that wednesday the brazilian had to cancel -- so i don't feel too bad. besides, i don't know that the brazilian is completely faithful to me. just sayin'. it's early. so that sunday we had plans to go to a brazilian steakhouse (where i had to wait an hour!), but these plans got hijacked when the best friend interjected himself making it an odd threesome where i was too tired to be sociable and too frustrated to even do anything. so we saw "planet of the apes" and went shopping at kirkland's and american signature furniture and coldstone creamery and marshall's which would be all well and good if it was just us two, but it was us three so it was awkward and since the best friend had no car.....we left separately leaving me VERY frustrated sexually and emotionally. so then i had a three hour conversation with my favorite coworker living in miami about relationships with latin americans. but the brazilian did try to make amends by inviting me over afterward, but the moment passed. we agreed to a late night interlude on the tuesday next. well, that tuesday, after work, i drove over around half past one in the morning and we had a good conversation and even better sex. i mean, mind blowing. it's just such a strong contrast to the exsomeone. seriously. it's so easy. and passionate. and fulfilling. and then, last night, we had one of those text exchanges where i basically felt "hungry" but i left it alone. oh yeah, and our mutual versatility got revealed. hopefully, i'll get to see the brazilian again this weekend as i've officially changed my status to "it's complicated" on facebook.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Sunday, August 28
You don't have to know someone's genealogy, blood type, childhood imaginary friends and complete educational history to spend time with them. You'll fill in the gaps later -- for now, a good conversation is enough.
( and while it's a western thing to correlate abject poverty and hunger with such superficial concerns as brand new shoes, designer ready-to-wear, or my sexual appetite, but such is life.... )
http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/countries/your-kenya-photos/#/boy-and-herd-at-sunset-kenya_29655_600x450.jpg
Parties, Events, Entertainment!
You've got to do something fun this week! First, relationship planet Venus enters Leo on July 28, when all the love in the air makes everyone want to get out of the house. Later that same day, communicative Mercury enters efficient Virgo and opposes dreamy Neptune, when talking about your dreams can yield amazing results. Finally, the new Moon in Leo on July 30 receives so many planetary aspects that you'll have plenty of choices (and lots of input) for anything you're planning. Keep an open mind!
well, at least i know this part works. i could try to say that my reason for not updating has something to do with the outage of livejournal or the difficulty i've had in editing previous posts, but anyone who has read this journal this year knows that the frequency of my updates have gone down by quite a bit since my return from peru. however, lots to report even since i deigned to pour it into a post: while my post sought to derive its torque from the week in the haute couture and menswear fashion, the world has once again changed: the arab spring has gotten pushed to the margins as the world reels from a horrific terrorist attack perpetrated not by a middle eastern muslim, but a blonde scandinavian christian; talks of a government shut down have evaporated under the threat of an outright default of the full faith and credit of the united states; and the unexpected news of osama bin laden's death has left the headlines in favor of the all-too-predictable death of one of my favorite soul crooners, amy winehouse.
well, i guess i should get to the good parts first, and yes, i've met someone. potentially the new someone. the first someone i've met like this since the exsomeone. and i can describe it as electric with an asterick. somehow, in my thirties, i've noticed -- or well, maybe, it's just now manifested and always been there -- that i've formed quite an attraction for attraction. i've developed a romance for romance. i've fallen in love with falling in love. it's hackneyed. it's cliché. but i have to put it out there so that if it all goes down the garbage disposal, i can look back and say, "see there, that's it." but right now, i'm not discounting what i feel and i refuse to become so cynical that i write off someone i'm physically attracted to who has a personality i like because someone accuses me of "settling" as my sister has tried to write off my current relationship. i just think that perhaps my sister has a skewed perception of my so-called standards because i castigate her so much for taking refuge in a relationship with someone who she admits she's not physically attracted to. and why does she have so much opinion? well. it's been a while since i met someone on plentyoffish.com since the last person i met off that site i had to relegate to all but a figment of my imagination. however, i went in with trepidation because i found myself very attracted to one picture of my potential new someone and very turned off by the other picture posted. so it stood as a fifty fifty chance. we had texted back and forth about when we should initially meet and we settled on two saturdays ago (the sixteenth) between five and six. easy enough. then my sister had the bright idea of needing to buy an outfit for a new facebook profile picture. this is what i have to deal with. so, being a good brother, i agree to go to the mall with her telling her that i'll have to leave because i'm supposed to meet my potential new someone between five and six. well. of course, this got completely overlooked once we found ourselves in the midst of a retail frenzy when i started getting text messages back confirming the time and place. and so. i improvised and drove my sister's car from the mall to starbucks and she went shopping at target while i got to know my potential someone. my sister thought my potential someone a bit odd, but you know i would act a bit odd if i met a potential mate with that potential mate's sister. no pressure. but once we found ourselves alone, our conversation really did expound on all the things that i love -- travel, snobbery, and general foolishness where it helps, of course, that the potential mate, which i guess i should call the brazilian, since, you know, the potential mate hails from brazil -- yet has absolutely none of the stereotypical attributes one would account to someone called brazilian (since the brazilian's family emigrated from lebanon) -- has traveled extensively and speaks three to four languages, has gone to school, and has a wit near-equal my own resulting in that never ending conversation where we talked and talked and talked and talked and eventually after an hour i felt bad for my sister who turns out to have just sat in her car in a adjacent parking lot to afford us privacy writing in her own (actual, physical hard bound) diary which she has taken to carrying around. anywho. after that date, i knew that the brazilian liked me, but i felt unsure if i wanted to pursue anything. i don't know. i think hanging around my sister has made me into even more of a cynic since she has still not moved on from someone who broke her heart last year who she has obsessed over for almost three years even while she has refused to exit the relationship with the man for whom she has no physical attraction. i feel like these two threads have to get interwoven in this context becauase the situations remain so different and i see it, but it bothers me that she has whitewashed them under the same brush. anywho. after our hour long exchange, the brazilian sent me a text message and over the next few days, one thing lead to another and we arranged to have dinner on wednesday. we originally had intentions to go to a thai place near the brazilian's apartment, but i re-routed us to red mesa. i haven't been to red mesa in a hot minute, but i had an excellent meal of shrimp and scallops and then the brazilian suggested drinks and we went to the dirtiest dive bar i've been to in quite some time and afterward, we closed our date with a drive back to my car and a long kiss goodnight. from there, i found myself, as they say, "sprung" and after that date, our texting never ended and although i will once again decamp on one of mny trips this weekend, we had our third date on monday, and afterward, we went back to the brazilian's place. we watched some silly sitcoms on cbs lazily lying in each other's arms. and then we fucked our brains out.
then again, i've found myself in one of my endlessly horny streaks the past few weeks. even before i went to miami, i found myself in as a series regular on websites on which i only like to make cameo appearances and while i think i've made a couple of friends of sorts -- a golfer on the one hand, a boating doctor on another, a masseuse (i know) on yet another, and an older something-or-other in the end -- i really didn't act on anything until after i got back from miami. the week before i left for miami, i spent some time with my sister re-newing my love affair with the late nosh at cassis, a day of shopping the zara sale, and a midweek viewing of "x-men: first class" -- where i found myself spellbound by january jones and who could've possibly sired the love child she has growing in her demure little belly -- and then that weekend, i did my yearly homage to participating in my community and daytime drinking by volunteering with the kevin beckner campaign in the parade and i saw my old high school friend on the sidelines and i saw the figment of my imagination (although i pretended like i didn't) and the exsomeone and one of the managers at my job and i kind of met a lawyer as we walked the entire parade route just chatting away, but afterward, i met up with the p.r. girl's friend who i've hung out with before -- i saw thor with this character -- and we drank and drank (and i saw the figment of my imagination and had a conversation with the figment of my imagination which lead to even more drinking) and when i ran out of money, the p.r. girl's friend bought me a couple of rounds and the next thing i know, my sister is banging on my door, waking me up trying to get me to go out because she needed to get out of the house and i did not even know what i had done because i clearly had just emerged from outright blackout drunkeness. so we went to the only bar in town -- since i found myself STILL drunk -- and i made one lap and we left to go to hiro's where my sister had an out-and-out panic attack over the fact that she might see the bartender she knew despite the fact that going to that very place remained her suggestion in the first place. we stayed and ate and after arguing it out -- a habit of ours -- we went home and the night ended quietly. the next weekend, i jetted off for miami to spend a week with my old favorite coworker and her fiancé and a couple of days in fort lauderdale with my friend sara who i last saw in new york over st. patrick's day weekend. well. friday night probably lit the fuse on my libido as i arrived at her new south beach apartment -- with all of the charm that implies -- and then caught up over a bottle of wine at a local wine bar/shop. later, we went to another neighborhood bar up the street -- where i donned a banana republic military shirt and ysl skinnies -- and my oh-so-glamourous former co-worker immediately had the men all over her while i rounded up a bar tab and after a while, i found myself deep in conversation with a gregarious french canadian who left a boyfriend behind in montreal and i couldn't read the signals -- all those canadians are so nice, aren't they? -- until we decided to leave and the french canadian and i decided that making out would be the best way to end that exchange. if only i had picked up on that scent earlier. while waiting outside the bar, we caught this threesome of near douche types that could easily appeal to myself or my friend given our inclinations for the evening and we struck up conversation and wound up at finnegans two where my glamorous coworker got a little to close to the argentenian while i batted my eyes at the columbian and exchanged sharp barbs with the french one. we then went to the shelborne hotel, but we ran off -- literally, i'm told -- because my glamorous co-worker started getting uncomfortable. overall, fantastic night. and when we got home, we had to spend the night lying to her fiancé about what we did. as these things go. after all, latin fiancés are nothing if not jealous fiancés. the next day, we went shopping on collins and the club monaco had one of those sales that i dream about. we then grabbed a late lunch at this asian place on lincoln -- where everyone bought something from the britto store -- and i had a couple of drinks but then we had to jet because we were going to mansion -- i mean, where else? with cover at the door soaring to two hundred a pop, the most economical option won out -- so yeah, we went to seee steve aoki and it's probably the best house music i have ever ever heard in my lifetime. and it got magnified by some particular party favors that i did not even expect going into the night. well, as all epic nights go, the consequences can turn out devastating and not only did mansion double charge me for a bar tab -- they put one hundred dollar holds for each -- but i walked out of the club to notice that i had all but lost my entire sense of hearing. all of it. seriously. so the next morning between getting money wired to me and coming down over a "my big fat gypsy wedding" marathon, we had a slow boiling panic about not being able to hear. AT ALL. sunday in miami remains a huge beach day so we eventually made our way down ocean and went to the most flamboyant stretch of the beach after a quick lunch outside the hotel victor -- where we had front row seats to a drag queen high kicking her way in the middle of ocean drive during a performance. seriously. it caused a traffic jam. that night, we squeezed our way into nikki beach for absolutely free and each swallowed five or six thirteen dollar well drinks and then took off to a pizza parlor, some on-the-street shouting matches, and an early night to bed. on the fourth, we spent most of the day at the flamingo lounging by their pool -- where i picked up quite a bit of color -- and then i had to catch the two longest bus rides of my life -- one that went allllllllll the way up collins to aventura mall and then another allllllll the way to the fort lauderdale airport -- and met my friend sara who just touched down from a long island holiday. we went to tijuana taxi to unwind and catch up and then went back to her apartment where i watched true blood until i fell into an unmoveable sleep. the next morning, she went to class and i caught up on my e-mail and then we went shopping at sawgrass mills which certainly did not stand up to aventura or bal harbor and i will never go there ever again although they did have a fifty dollar pair of pants at the prada store and we had a funny episode in the theory store as everyone started twittering about when the casey anthony verdict came over the wires. that night, we did the "las olas" thing by getting a bite at sushi rock -- blah -- and then went to yolo which was basically a tampa bar on steroids and then we went back home and turned in since i had to be at the airport at six in the morning with nothing but a beach bag so i could try to avoid the silly carry on fee that spirit charges. and i eked it out.
but as i indicated, after i got back from miami, i've found myself on quite a streak: as soon as i got back, i found myself inundated with invitations from sites i'd rather not name, and i indulged a couple: first, upon my return, i re-capped my miami vacation with my sister over jazz and cocktails at mandarin hide that wednesday and then a quick bite at ceviche where i over-consumed just a bit before convincing her to take me home where i made the bad choice to venture off again to the only bar in town where i got two offers to go home and took the very wrong one and got fellated somewhat regrettably before jetting back home to a horrific hangover and then, that friday, i met up with this characater from that website i rather not mention who i've talked to for at least a year and we had quite a good time so much so that it's inspired a chapter -- should i ever get around to penning it -- and i kind of hope for a repeat performance but then, after i worked that weekend, on monday, i went on a coffee date with a car salesman which was just an bold fail not to mention a waste of a new shirt and so i started this sexting thing (i suppose i'm trying to assert my modernity) with a professional masseuse, and that friday, my sister and i went to "the grape" where she read from her diary and i drooled over our sommelier so obviously that i believe i over tipped to off set my poor behavior and then we went to ceviche in tampa and i had an entire bottle of wine by myself and then came home and i had such an insane red wine hangover that i gave up atkins for the foreseeable future, and then, to cap off my month-long harlotry bender, i, very very regrettably, after my date, and after i downloaded with my sister over drinks and dessert at cassis which would've been great had it stopped there -- i mean, i can't knock four espressotinis with bar patrons ranging from disaffected eastern seaboard types and scottish divorcees -- but we went to ceviche where i augmented with some sangria and then bolded over to vintage where i did whiskey shots with these ridiculously chic lesbian bartenders -- one could've easily have posed in the latest fall/winter dolce and gabbana campaign in one of those sleeveless vests and cropped pants and the other would've looked gangbusters in a safety pinned balmain number as she totally gave the girl with the dragon tattoo a run for her money -- and then, my sister took me to the only bar in town because i'm sure i insisted although my memory fades in and out at this point, but once i got home, i hopped online, and very regrettably met up with this dirty something or other who i had hooked up with the morning before my great aunt's funeral -- yeah, i know: feels just as bad now as it did then and before -- and came home and truly passed out.
besides that, life has become more calm with the insertion of the brazilian who i hope to soon call 'my steady' since when the exsomeone called just yesterday, i felt myself for the first time -- well, since the figment -- in a long time really not feeling anything at all really. except some odd friendship carved out over all these years. but we'll see how i fare in columbus with the boys although it'll be on a shoe string given my side trip to st. louis to see sade and the flat tire i got just this morning when i went to pick up my dry cleaning.
( and while new york acheived marriage equality by carving out religious exceptions, the fashion weeks seem to reach a new high by referencing some pretty potent biblical allusions. we had chanel totally giving new meaning to a psalm while tisci gave another menswear stunner in his spiritual quest to 'find the light in the darkness....' )
it's amazing how much the tenor of life can change in but a quarter. a season. however, one must say, that in this, by far the best year of my life, i've encountered a season of desuetude of my own making. unlike years past where i could blame such a season on the excesses of fast living or the reaping of seeds of irresponsibility, this time i can honestly say that the season has not come because of the inability or the incapability, but out of pure unadulterated responsibility. and while it aggravates me to my core, it feels good in an odd counter-intuitive way. after two full quarters of the fullest of living i've had in so many years, i've finally started to re-enter my groove. i'm doing the things i like. i'm going the places i choose. and i'm living how i want to live. it's not as if my life proceeds without its deficiencies, but even those remain better than the hell from which i've emerged. i've gone from a season of outright extroversion to one of near total introversion and introspection. it's clarified some things. it's focused my eyes in a strange way once again. and it's funny. the thing i love about fashion. about politics. about celebrity. about royalty. about so many things. it's the exciting undercurrent of change. the way one sweeping zeitgeist can overtake the frenzy of just moments ago. within the span of just a few months we find one flock rushing from masculine lines and dark desolate obsessions to flushes of full color and the luxurious fineries of the caviar life. we can find a political party in supermajority one minute and overwhelmed by a wave election the next only to find themselves in a position of strength not even on year later. we watch television mainstays cancelled unceremoniously on the one hand while the most base of critical nightmares reaches bigger audiences and garners more money than people can keep up with. we find find even old institutions like the royal family usher in change: we've watched as the queen of england must not only hand over her crown to an adulteress who under-girded the divorce of the future king but now to someone as common as myself. someone who wears reiss like me. someone with a sister like mine. someone with a brother who i would probably run into at a bar. yes, change, it's in the air. it touches all things. it's even in the earth. since i last wrote, our very planet has found itself rocked by horrific tsunamis in japan and astounding volcanoes in iceland. tornadoes have touched town in missouri and massachusetts.
yes, change: but, of course, my mind rushes to fashion. the theatre of fashion has once again embodied the change in the world while dramatizing it in its own way. trying to understand the world. trying to make sense of the things happening to it. and we saw this most spectacularly at chanel. the king of all fashion houses in a way. in a somewhat prophetic fashion, three days before the earthquake in japan, while fashion's biggest concern came about in whispers of anti-semitism surrounding dior's designer, karl lagerfeld sent out this edgy collection filled with worker man jumpsuits and scuffed up boots against a backdrop of smoking, distrubing desolation. how eerie to think how on the money this vision of the world would become. but, much like the world, with its short attention span that forgets about the disaster in japan over the daily heap of glossy headlines, so has chanel left behind that darkness and emerged with one of the most frothy, devil-may-care, rhapsodies to outright luxury that we've seen from the house in many years. this time coming days before the cannes film festival, karl sent out his women in fresh squirts of lemon yellow and in sparkling swimsuits with their chanel beach towels dragging behind them on the boardwalk. he cast an older model -- invoking all those chanel women of a certain age no doubt -- in the midst of a gaggle of gentleman callers with a rueful smile on her face. yes. the world has certainly moved on.
and in this country, while i might fancy myself conservative, we have found an odd interpretation of conservativism asserting itself in washington and pontificating itself out of power not even one year after it swept in with great fanfare with a near government shut down one day and a medicare scare the next. when i wrote last, one might have thought the had the trump card -- quite literally actually -- and that they might seize an opportunity to hold the house, take the senate, and eke out a victory for the white house, but since then, we've seen the president capture osama bin laden, draw the idealogues out of the republican party shadows, and cast himself as a decisive leader who might not have accomplished all he wanted but has done the best he can with the political realities he got dealt. and although he might've gotten elected as an anti-war president, he not only ordered military action into pakistan without their consent or even notice, but he has precipitated a conflict in libya, and re-started military tribunals against those still in guantanamo.
strange days indeed, but none has distracted me so much as the events that have transpired in my own life. i had one of those quick flitted romances that jar me to the core while not have the semblances of seriousness that so many other's relationships seem to display. i met someone. and for the first time in a long time, i felt like i met someone that could honestly become my next someone. in the way i felt about the exsomeone. it felt serious. and enduring. and real. it cut to the core. quickly. it wasn't odd and intriguing like the long horn. it wasn't confusing and emotionally fraught like the stock broker. it was just real. i could lay there and be myself without the pretense. and if i were to say i had developed a new type in my old age, this someone would fit that bill. brown hair, brown eyes, owns a dog, goes to baseball games, from the midwest, with the build of an athlete and the temperament of everyday people. but, like so many other situations in the past, it came with a basket full of asterisks and caveats. this new someone lived in orange city florida, this new someone had recently gotten out of a relationship. but i felt the pull right from the start. we met online as so many do at about two in the morning. we talked online for a couple of hours and then followed it up with a conversation on the phone until five in the morning. we went out for coffee that morning and made plans for dinner that same night. we had dinner and then went to the grand prix downtown. we came back to my place. we held hands. we made out like teenagers. we shed our clothes. and i thought that i could actually fall in love. call me crazy. why do i say that? because we didn't have sex. my choice. my decision. we proceeded to conduct somewhat of a long-distance and phone sexing affair for weeks until my new someone's mother contracted breast cancer and that family emergency uprooted my someone from orange city to allentown, pennsylvania. for good. just like that.
i'm starting to think my turnover time for getting over these flash in the pan instant relationships in the internet age remains about three months. one month of actual involvement followed by this odd introspective two months where i don't meet anyone and don't want to do anything. except, that is, when i travel: after my birthday in south beach -- which hatched obsessions over brioni sneakers, w hotel bars, and more south american adventures -- i had a quick week in manhattan for one of their high holidays, st. patrick's day. while this trip did not stand out as one of my grand manhattan adventures with bottle service at a nightclub or fantastic bars filled with beautiful people or overpriced eats at fantastic restaurants, it definitely let me see the real new york once again. i touched down on a wednesday and proceeded to lose and/or break two of my friend's spare keys to her apartment. after i slept most of the wednesday due to my working nights, jen and i ventured out to pil y pil, a new tapas restaurant on the upper east side that looked straight out of the imagination of a crazed painter with wooden vines crawling up every visible wall and wine bottled suspended in air on slats of metal reminding us of the real world bustling just outside the door. jen and i caught up over some cheap rioja and fantastic bites before we stumbled our way over to uva, the wine bar she's talked to me about for years but that we never made it to. well, uva showcased everything about manhattan that i love. on a wednesday night, this place found itself stuffed to the gills with the right type of people. and while i guzzled malbec against the cold air peeking in with each opening of the door, the thumping beats of the music and the loud chatter of the skinny-jeaned and 5F'd diners made me swood. jen said this showed her just out of place she belonged in a place like new york. and i felt home. there exist few cities in this world. well, in the country, at least, that could boast such a crowd of well-coifed yuppies doling out fourteen dollars a glass of wine on a wednesday night at a random wine bar on a random street in new york. while i don't remember leaving -- nor did i even remember going to that bar until seven weeks later -- we went back home and i obsessed about going back out. she begged off and i went to the neighborhood waterhole, "the tool box." and i started in with the grey goose and sat down at one of the two unoccupied bar stools while a sweating martini glass sat sweating in front of the empty bar stool beside me. in a blink, a wall streeter in heavy good wool in one of those perfectly tailored suits came barrelling in like a water buffalo barking into a blackberry and re-claiming a martini in a bubbly guzzle before noticing me. i opened with a simple line: "you're brave," i said: and this wall streeter came back with a smile saying, "why do you say that?" : "to leave a full drink unattended in a bar like this? you're brave": we then started talking about how shitty the martini drank and what vodka it got made with and i recommended something better as is my wont and started talking about our lives: i noticed the golden band on the wedding finger so i pressed and got the surprising answer of not only marriage -- of the legal variety in new york not the conversational kind that so many use in bars these days -- and we got into it and apparently the other half not only knows all about it, but is okay with it. i mean, if this wall streeter indeed were doing something dasterdly, would the wall streeter do something so boldly in the open as to sit at a bar full of people: well, this got me to turn on my bar stool to face this wall streeter -- something of a in-my-thirties signature move ever since my dinner with the stockbroker at the queenshead bar -- and one thing lead to another with one more drink getting bought for me and a drunken stroll down second avenue until we got to the wall streeter's building. the motherfuckin' brompton. yes, the very brompton that i saw on "selling new york" and we had one of those nights that remained both unforgettable and entirely so. i slept in the marriage bed and i took my morning piss in one of the children's bathrooms. the apartment literally spanned the corner of the building with northern and southern exposure. i left my banana republic socks behind since i stepped in the dog poop of the toy dog left behind by the vacationing spouse.
the next morning, i raced back to jen's apartment as she had no idea where i was and saw her off just in time to crash for a bit before heading downtown for the new museum. i had yet another adventure since i saw the profound george condo exhibit and went to buy his book only to have my card declined. i immediately had thoughts of identity theft and raced home with butterflies in my stomach to find out that i had plenty of money. so i had to decide what i wanted to do after that so i embarked to the village for afternoon shopping and drinking but this turned to night very quickly -- i do tend to kill quite a bit of time at all of the marc jacobs stores and reiss and looking at all those lovely west village townhomes -- and i had to wrestle my way by hook (as i don't know the subway system enough to do that) and crook (as gypsy cabs sometime just make sense to me) back to the upper east side for a proper st. patrick's day drink off. i met my friend jen at "the stumble inn" and we drank for a while before we went to MXco to celebrate her friend's birthday (also a buckeye although i didn't know her at school though a friend of mine did). i made a scene when the wait for the bathroom forced my old man bladder/old man prostate to take a leak in the employee break room. yeah, embarassing. the next day, i got up to go shopping and museum shopping with my friend sara. we started the day on madison avenue with the whitney and tom ford and then went downtown for uniqlo, h+m, club monaco, and some lower east side boutiques finally stopping for sushi and some post sushi sweets at billy's cupcakes. i left sara at penn station and went to two other club monacos in the name of raiding their sales racks and then stopped by a borders going out of business sale since i figured they'd have crazy selection at the park avenue location. and i was right. that night, jen had planned a dinner party for the old ohio state gang and we had quite an edward albee evening that circled around four or five bottles of wine, great homemade fare, and the hunt for some more illicit fun. by the stroke of midnight, we found ourselves high on life piling into cabs headed to brooklyn to have a lowkey night out that wound up being anything but. so. we went to sweet revenge, after fueling up on the street (gotta love brooklyn), and it stood as one of the most surreal nights as the bar turned out EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what we all assumed. we met foreigners. we met women. we met locals. but my friend jen had much better luck with the patrons than i ever could. the night flew by and we somehow wound up at one of our brooklyn friend's homes drinking tequila out of a measuring cup and finishing off our illicitness and chatting the wee hours away as the sun rose over bed-stuy. we cabbed it back to manhattan with jen's french jude law lookalike and we spent the day detoxing with takeout sushi and bad television. i jumped the e train to jfk -- where i witnessed all manner of chanel and goyard bag surprisingly -- and came home in wonderful spirits if not entirely tired.
the next weekend i met the could-be future someone (right after i had met this completely horrible older wierdo at "the queen and i" where my car broke down en route) and then the next week, i met the boys in boston. if one were to ask me last spring if a bifurcated fall and spring trip with my boys would make up for a less-than-grand new years trip, i might have said, "no," but after boston, that proves quite wrong: as alex commented pretty early on into the trip, with each year that passes, we tend to up the ante of the trip, i mean, who would've thunk it, three broke college students crashing in a dive hotel off the strip in vegas would one day stay at the w boston for a carefree long weekend away from home. i touched down alone after a nearly serene jetblue flight and met the two of them at baggage claim. we cabbed it to the w and i felt the type of excitement i haven't felt in a while as i haven't been to a "new" city in quite some time. also, i loved being the one who actually paid for the hotel even though it came on a shoe string. we retired to our room and then made immediate plans for drinks in the oh-too-trendy lobby where alex and i became deeply infatuated with the delectable grapefruit gimlet. we launched off to cambridge for our first night out -- i in my shabby giorgio sant angelo jacket, ysl jeans, and lanvin knit tie -- and we had a quite bite at noir where we found ourselves considerably underwhelmed by the clientel, decor, but in love with our "precious" waitress who recommended my very favorite bar in all of the greater boston area, middlesex. we went to middlesex and despite the snowiness and eclectic crowd, i found myself bowled over by the music and would've spent the entire weekend there if it were my choice. after all, of us three, i'm the most deprived of music that good. we then cabbed it back across the bridge to club cafe which our concierge recommended and everyone in the hotel recommended which absolutely unequivocally sucked with the most action coming from an engaged -- as in had a fiancé at home -- coming up to hit on alex. with that, we closed out pretty quickly and headed to the estate where we had one of the most epic nights as we sweated out all of our clothes, saw some girl from rupaul's drag race perform, and met this odd group who we invited back to our hotel for after hours. yeah, it's been a running almost mary tyler moore esque joke among us that we always want to have a "good after hours" on our trips. we've never actually had one. ever. during vegas, we made it back to the hotel with some random guy but ditched him after we retrieved our stoli to go hang with our new york girls. in vegas the second time, we bought a cd and candle so that we could have people back but the boy band we met wasn't up to hanging with us after the cat house. in mexico city, we did convince one stranger back to our room -- while i did all sorts of nefarious things in full view -- but that fell flat as rob tried to close the deal unsuccessfully. well, in boston, we did finally have more than one person back to our room and though i found myself most attracted to this twenty one year old child, somehow i wound up spending the night with this someone who i don't even remember how we started kissing. but yeah. eager guy. so eager that i'm pretty sure i got a handjob in my sleep. i'm just saying. the next day, rob reacted like a dead man, and alex and i went to brunch on beacon hill and then shopping on newbury street. i got boots from marc jacobs and a scarf from french connection (for a song) and then alex and i walked all the way to this mall that had the standard array of near luxury shops like neiman, etc. we then headed back to retrieve rob and had a drink/lunch at market. that night, we started off with drinks at market -- i got so buzzed on grapefruit gimlets i could've sat there all night -- and then proceeded to cure which definitely fit the bill for our second night venture as it was new, new, new and we were on the list and the music was apparently cute enough for me to dance although i remember none of it at all. in fact, i don't even remember how we got home. the next day, we became tourists and we did the entire freedom trail which re-convinced us of just HOW SMALL boston remains. seriously, a village. but a lovely village i'd love to live in. after we took pictures and walked as far as we possibly could within reason, we caught a cab back to the hotel and almost crashed out. we had a quiet night at a sushi place across the street from the hotel. we landed back at market in our hotel -- after a slight altercation with this host from hell -- and rob had the drunkenly grand idea of heading to salem, massachusetts, but the manager of the restaurant came to assure us of the lunacy of that idea. the next morning, we packed up and headed out.
once back in town, with my relationship unraveling with my possibly maybe, i re-started things with my exsomeone, spending quite a lot of time, as is our pattern, just hanging out watching tv, taking showers, having sex, taking showers, lying in bed, ordering food in, having sex, talking, you get the point. i also had a couple of uneventful nights out with the p.r. girl. one happy hour at st. pete brasserie just to catch up. another time we went to cassis which i haven't been to IN SO LONG -- and where i had four martinis -- and then to the garden which had spectacular music and then to the independent where i saw bartenders i've seen trolling on online hookup sites. no judgement. fun night, but i got so drunk i had to vomit in my kitchen sink. fun. a couple weeks later, after having a long wet lunch with my old coworker who now lives in miami at brio at baystreet -- where i coined my new favorite phrase regarding ordering bottles in restaurants, "i'm not ordering the bottle to be sociable, i'm getting the second glass to be sociable" -- i headed back home to attend first friday and had a drink at "a taste of wine" and then dinner and beer bucket for the p.r. girl and her makeup artist friend and too much malbec for me at the garden which had FANTASTIC crab cakes. after that, we, of course, decided to go to the only bar in town, but the makeup artist had to ride the bike home and get the car and the p.r. girl and i raced to her apartment to scarf down an entire bottle of malbec before heading to the bar where, surprise surpsise, i got too drunk and went home early (i had worked the night before; do the math). but i did have fun since it was such a grand reunion where i saw old coworkers and friends from years back. craziness. funny thing happened though: the makeup artist gave me a ride home and then the next day called to go to the movies with me. so we went to see thor, but i found myself so broke that i had to beg off going to lunch.
speaking of brokeness, i've also spent some i'm-so-broke-i-have-no-choice time with my sister: we went to see "something borrowed" a couple of weeks ago with a couple of post-movie i-can't-believe-i-cried-over-that-movie drinks at hiro's which was just sad now. vue 19 really is the new cheesy sushi place du jour. and another night my sister and i went shopping -- where i literally bought the entire mall it had been so long since i had any retail therapy -- and then we watched one of the hockey playoff games at winghouse -- her choice -- which i didn't mind for all of the great scenery namely riled up sports fans. i kept imitating samantha in that sports' bar episode.
i think that's it. oh yeah, i'm definitely getting the etro shoes as the guy at the merrick park store says their buyer said that stores set to get them. also, i might have to hop down to miami for the fourth since it's not freaknik part two. what else? my apartment's going condo so i'll probably have to move without parental intervention. i'm going to see sade in st. louis although i don't know if i'll also get to see my friend charlie. oh, and the boys and i will head to columbus for our next adventure. can you believe it? it's been ten years since we've all known each other. i have a seriously un-shaking crush on yet another coworker who reminds me so much -- physically -- of the exsomeone that i'm embarrassingly flirtatious. well, for me, which means, not at all to the common person. well, now i have to take a nap since i'm due for dinner with the parents this afternoon and i've stayed up all night watching true blood season three.
A Spiritual Blossoming
Since this week begins with an idealistic pairing of Jupiter's sextile to Neptune on June 8, you'll feel like anything is possible -- and it is! Take advantage of Venus's transit into Gemini on June 9, when conversation and new social experiences bring excitement into your life! You may need a reality check, though, as Venus squares Neptune on June 10. Saturn finally turns direct on June 12, when you'll gain traction with all your great plans!
( now, the physical earthquake, the political earthquake, and change, by chanel. )
one might think that given a milestone birthday, a major advancement in marriage equality, the spread of unrest through the middle east, a trip out of town, and several wonderful nights out, that i might have updated my livejournal several days if not weeks ago. however, i've always contended that the more that update my journal less as i live my life more. it's one of those things. and i'm not at a point, quite yet, in my new job where i can just boldly update my journal from my desk without raising questions. i suppose i should start with my so-called life which will take a calendar and a diving rod to recall in a somewhat accurate way. well, when i last left off, i had to deal with the self-inflicted wounds from my not-even-dalliance with the longhorn and my accidental night out at cafe alma which lead to a barely memorable online dalliance and a chicago hangover. but i did reconnect with the p.r. girl and a couple of weeks later -- as my life is completely governed by my working every other weekend but paid on the weekends i have to work schedule -- we headed to gasparilla: something i hadn't experienced quite sober, well, ever. so we spent the full day together and i learned that i got pretty old pretty fast as i did not get wasted and instead we saw the boat parade and then went back to ybor city for a quiet lunch at acropolis -- wonderfully cheap -- and then went back to the regular parade which i assume went on quite calmly compared to years past as i don't ever remember the parade in years past. we witnessed a girl fight and police intervention that involved my white hogan sneakers getting somewhat soiled. which i, of course, like better now. after the parade, we went shopping in ybor which i appreciated more with some great finds at urban outfitters and some inexplicably inexpensive finds at this local funiture shop called agora.
the next week, being my pay week, i went on a retail bender at ellenton that will inspire at least a monthly trip from now until i can no longer afford it as the sale at banana republic had such severe markdowns that i left with so many clothes for so little money that by the time i got to saks fifth avenue, the woman greeted me with a "well you look like you're having a good day" greeting which convinced me to spend even more there. and thank goodness, i went shopping as my social calendar quickly filled up where the next friday, i went with the p.r. girl to late night happy hour at cassis and i had a wonderful time despite my brokeness -- too much shopping tends to keep me from overindulging in other ways -- but before i met her i noticed that agora had opened right up the street from me so that became a wonderful surprise. well, the cassis bar scene that night lived up to my best expectations with testosterone for days and red lights for a pre-valentine's glow and drinks so cheap that the bartender told me to keep the prices to myself as she was making so much money from the former that she didn't want to ruin it. after too many cocktails there, we headed to cafe alma in a cloud of drunkeness and it did not live up to my previous time there -- i mean, does it ever? whenever one goes out with the intent of recreating a good night, it never happens -- and so we decamped about half past one. well, not content with leaving well enough alone, i hopped into my car (mistake) and went to the only bar in town (good idea) and immediately saw an old friend and then proceeded to make out with this muscle bound older something or other (mistake) who took off my shirt (GIANT mistake) which proceeded to prompt me to leave (good idea) by driving back home (mistake) only to receive a phone call from this older something or other asking to come over (such a big mistake that even in all of my drunkeness i declined) only to somehow weasel my way over to this something or other's condo in the signature (and this is where the blackout begins). now. from what i remember, i know nakedness occurred. i know fluids got exchanged. but i don't know much else. my next memory came when i got awakened with the brightest sunlight i have ever seen coming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows in this fantastic apartment. well, clearly, i didn't remember how ridiculous this apartment was. seriously, marble floors throughout. clearly designed by a professional. spa bathrooom in the bedroom and another bathroom in the main living area that's nicer than my entire apartment. the apartment had fabulous appliances that all went unused. the only thing in the refrigerator was muscle milk and food for a dog which i don't remember either. once again, however, i felt my body going through the chicago hangover so i asked to go immediately home (and had to endure the most shameful walk of shame through that spectacular lobby) and once i got home, proceeded to deal with that hangover in the only way i know how: vomiting, sleeping, weeping (repeat). i still felt so bad by three in the afternoon that i almost begged off going to the gasparilla night parade with the p.r. girl, but once i got her on the phone, i could not decline so i got ready and went and despite not having as much fun -- this time, i wasn't drunk enough -- as i did before, i did have a wonderful dinner at streetcar charlies with a gorgeous little server far too young, but cute enough to make up for it, especially since i had just slept with someone too old just the night before. i had the crab cake which tasted sublime and enjoyed laughing at the p.r. girl's friend who came with who ate a huge chunk of wasabi thinking it a piece of broccoli. that's the level of drunkenness of the friend meanwhile i'm courting a headache i'm so sober. but after a chicago hangover, it's very difficult to get me to drink. especially on a budget. if i can order specialty cocktails all night, it's one thing, but when i only have the money for vodka soda, it's a rough road.
well, the next week proved quite the transformative one as i received my first bonus from my job this week. ever since i got back from peru, i have counted on receiving this bonus but i have not counted on it much. i expected a couple of hundred bucks realistically and maybe more based on the profitability of the company. well, i got overwhelmed with surprise when the amount of my bonus actually came in at more than my bi-weekly pay check. so, good for me, i didn't blow it on a pair of shoes or two pairs of jeans or any other big ticket purchase as i would normally in times past (i cling so much to my budget, it's insane), but i invested in those things that actually make me happy. namely, travel. so i booked a trip to miami and new york. but, because life always happens all at once, this much happiness got brooched by even more happiness. on the night of my bonus, i went out to dinner at a new sushi restuarant called vue and had a tasty meal of sashimi and these fizzy specialty cocktails (some elderberry cocktail). but the next day, a let down of sorts, i went shopping at my favorite malls with just no luck with deals -- even with a bonus, i didn't want to go overboard -- but it did feel good to have the money to spend with abandon but to constrain myself with an eye on better opportunity by going out of town to shop, etc. so while i did pick up the odd piece here and there -- and inadvertedly got offered a job at pottery barn -- i just didn't find anything that captured my imagination. i went to international plaza and stopped in crate and barrel and j.crew (where i'm almost duty bound to buy something every single time), and then went to my optician who actually obtained the wrong pair of tom ford frames for me which really let me down, but did free up lots of money to do other things like pay for the hotel in boston, and set all my bills in order. and after my advertures that day -- including a impromptu stop by agora -- i came home needed to take a nap so that i could work the next day in good working order. but, because happiness breeds happiness, who sends me a text message but THE STOCKBROKER! and the stockbroker wanted to hang out and catch up. music, music, music to my ears. the perfect palate cleanser for not only the longhorn, but for my thrashing about. so we went to the only bar in town where i again saw my old friend and had to cringe with people remembering my antics from the weekend prior but eventually, after the stockbroker had reminisced with a bunch of friends from when the stockbroker lived here, but then we went to the queenshead. there we had one of those issues-inducing perfect dates where the stockbroker strokes every part of my ego and i attempted to stroke every part of the stockbroker. but of course, because aaron spelling continues to script my life from beyond the grave, who walks into the queenshead but the musclebound something or other from the week before with the signature condo. so. awkward city, but i made niceties and introduced the two of them. and, honestly, the muscle bound so-and-so did not look bad in wine drunkeness either, but the stockbroker, in assholic glory, said the muscle bound so-and-so looked hiv-infected. so that was that. after dinner, the stockbroker and i spent a few minutes on the sidewalk making out as if it were old times, and then i went home sated with happiness.
the weekend sped by and the next wednesday i returned to citrus park to pick up a last minute calvin klein shirt i spied a couple of weeks before and basically packed before catching the train the next morning. the train found itself delayed and i didn't arrive until after nine o clock. my old coworker and her fiance who i went to peru with had bought a cake and we all went to the w hotel bar -- which, for all intents and purposes, was a gay bar -- for some debauchery and then we went to the wall -- which, for all intents and purposes, was a douche bar -- where the music really sucked, but then went to the soft opening of a club called the treehouse which actually surprisingly delighted, but the night ended calmly enough, which is just fine as i'm an old man, and the next morning (that is one o' clock in the afternoon) my friend and i lunched and then went shopping all day where in my old man excitement i bought five candles for absolutely no reason from casaideas (which there was one in peru, ironically) and z galerie (where i saw this captivating horse painting). somehow, it magically became half past four, i had to scramble to try to get to bal harbour shops before seven (harder than it sounds given friday rush hour/weekend traffic to miami beach island). so i showered, packed, hopped the train, and spent an hour and a half on one bus (an actually lovely experience minus the schizophrenic because it showed me some of that really old miami which reminds me of home), and then i met up with my good friend sara at bal harbour where we went to ever store and i found cute trainers at brioni and d & g, and she bought a balenciaga weekender in ardoise after declining the two-toned reversible chanel. i, of course, felt woefully underdressed although i wore $400 sneakers, $200 jeans, $100 t-shirt, and $100 belt. so, in short, one of the best days of my life. i forgot the thrill of the luxury shopping and resolved to do more of it myself. perhaps before toronto or in toronto. i'm still, after all, allured by prada camo. and the dolce animal print lace ups (currently only for women) would make a nice addition. or even that leopard (or was it ocelot) gucci briefcase or horsebit loafers, or even the white leopard ysls.
the next day, i came home by train and went to dinner with my parents at st. pete brasserie where i once again fell under the allure of great wine and a too young server. the food also pleased as well. it's definitely in the rotation now. on sunday, i went to an oscars' party at the p.r. girl's apartment with her coworkers, her new beau, and one of her friends who i found myself previously attracted to who works for armani. we'll see. this wednesday, i had another one of those rhapsodic shopping experiences at ellenton where i only have regrets about not picking up a $20 calvin button down, a $20 polo long sleeve tee shirt (as undergarments), and a $10 green sweatshirt from banana republic that honestly looked balenciaga-esque. but i'll be back. perhaps right before new york. we'll see. which i'm going to for st. patrick's day.
now, with all of that covered, nothing earth shattering, i know, but that's my life right now. it's never really dramatic when it's good, you know? i'm back on my movie buying binge, besides, with recent acquisitions of "the american," "easy a," "please give," "dorian gray," "wall street: money never sleeps," "the kids are all right," "rope," "strangers on a train," and "two moon junction." yes, just like the old days. the only thing that would make this more like old times would come in sunday nights at the resort, a new romantic interest. it's time to make myself into a new man.
( and with the new position on doma, perhaps a romantic interest might evolve into something more, with the new pucci collection, perhaps added flare to my wardrobe, and with all the unrest in the world, spreading from tunisia, egypt, and yemen, into bahrain, libya, and oman. and oddly, wisconsin. more than ever, people have decided that now's the time to come together as one. )
seeing as i cannot help myself from talking to every single person i know about this situation, i find that i'm quite overdue in posting to my beloved livejournal. seeing as i have traveled to another hemisphere and experienced more of the world in the past month than i have in quite some time, i have done myself quite the disservice in not chronicling it as it happened. but i cannot completely take responsibility for that seeing as i could barely get hot water and consistent water pressure let alone a reliable internet connection. where should i even begin? i suppose the lonestar. is that the moniker i assigned? well, we went on our last date on christmas' eve's eve. we finally went to the movies where i assumed we'd get down when the lights went out. well, not all that whoreishly, but seriously, more than the not even kissing or hand holding that we had embarked on for the several dates we had. yeah. not so much. cute movie. fittingly childish given the courtship. and the longhorn even asked me for coffee afterward. i felt charmed. but then, nothing. nothing. seriously, some under the table leg action or something? i don't know. craziness, i know. because. when i like someone, i never have to do this! there is no ambiguity. i don't have to guess. my sex is on the table from the start. generally. and i got reminded of that just thursday. we have a firefighter/paramedic. we meet at a bar. we have a conversation. within seconds, a question got asked, "don't you remember me?" and of course, i, shocked, had to think to myself, where did we meet? what did i do? oh, right, i got reminded, hotel party at disney two years before where i made my intentions clear and known up front. as i'm wont to do. but you know, i've never caught a relationship doing things like that. so i thought, "maybe there's something to this 'taking it slow' business. doesn't anyone date anymore?" so i played the game. we went to neutral territory. no "do you want to come over and watch a movie?" no "let's go out for drinks." no "let me walk you to your car" or any of that. just courtship. well, i've learned my lesson. perhaps the wrong one, but i've learned it. especially since i found myself SO ATTRACTED TO THE LONGHORN i fantasized about the longhorn. we wouldn't know it. and when i made my feelings known, after the date, i got this pat answer which forbode the end, but hey, i went to peru in between, so by the time i got back, guess what? nothing. i text my sister, she texts me back. i text rob, he texts me back. i text my mother, she texts me back. i text my ex-, he texts me back. i text my boss, she texts me back. i text a motherfuckin' non-profit, they motherfuckin' text me back. i text the longhorn, NOTHING. i'm waiting by my phone like an out-and-out chump. like, who am i? and it puzzles me because in my mind, i thought, well, we just have to see each other one more time to remember whatever and forget whatever, because i'm just that good. once i get in front of you, i can convince you. that's my gift. i can make conversation with a mute. i can dance with a cripple. i can hold court with a turnip. so it just makes me crazy that i couldn't make it work with someone i was THAT attracted to. seriously. so at the end, we were texting, we had one last conversation, and then we were texting. it's fine. i was watching the golden globes -- didn't i say natalie portman would win? -- and the longhorn got immersed in some football game. fine. so we text back and fourth and back and fourth and the longhorn texts, "i'm watching the packers for their package" and i type back somehting funny like "are you talking about what i think your'e talking about?!" and nothing. i call. nothing. i text the next day. nothing. i call AND leave a message. my ultimate act of i'm frustrated. and nothing. so i delete the number out of phone. purge all saved texts. and that's that. now. other things were going on, but moving the story along, i went out on thursday. i needed a healthy dose of the fabulous life to forget about the silliness of this childlike courtship. honestly. they had racier encounters in the motherfuckin' duchess. seriously. so i get dressed up -- corduroy blazer, zara frech cuffed shirt, reiss cufflinks, rich and skinny jeans, and church's brogues -- and walk, yes walk, i knew i would be that drunk, down to cassis. my bartender isn't there. fine. i get the new guy to mix me up a flirtini. fail. i then have three or four espressotinis. i meet these fabulous people including a body double for "mr. big" not really, but honestly, chris noth look a like with a better personality of course. and charming to a fault. and his date, this crazy woman i know from somewhere. and this developer. and then a graphic designer comes and stands next to me. i start to paliptate. the couple buys me another drink. my FAVORITE bartender comes in "off duty" and sits next to me. we chat. i talk up the graphic desginer. i fall in love with the graphic designer despite the wedding band. and then i see myself out because we all get a bit stumbly after five martinis and i make my way home perfectly frustrated, but then, in a minute, i decide, this night isn't over, despite the hour, and i go to the only bar in town. well. this is why it pays to not be seen in three eternities and a half because when you do get seen it's open arms and hugs and best wishes and introductions and as i made nice with this woman i had known through high school friends, this extremely handsome blonde walks up. well cutish blonde, let's not go overboard, but extremely handsome to me, and asks if i remember meeting? i blush, because of course not. i don't remember. or i would say so. but i didn't, but apparently, i had quite fancied two years ago. and, surprise of surprises, this gorgeous blonde is a home-owning paramedic/firefighter. honestly, i might die. and became very handsy. but had a boyfriend. so i'm off trying to be the good old chap with the courtship and i'm back to my role as homewrecker. they were fighting that night anyway, but not before i could exchange facebooks and flirtations so. just like that. another one bites the dust, bring on the next.
but i guess i should have had enough warning about the challenges of compromising oneself in the name of staving off loneliness from my trip to the southern hemisphere to visit peru. i must say that the new year does have a way of clarifying everything. it has a way of pushing life forward. last year it pushed my friend rob into the arms of an old lover. a couple of years before that it pushed another of my friends out of a relationship completely. this year, it steeled my mettle to go somewhere because my friends had determined to make new years all the bore this year with the dreaded staycation that has overwhelmed this country in the grip of a financial plague. so i resisted the urge to do the same and went in on a scheme to go to peru with my old coworker who lives in miami with her peruvian fiance. well. that it took me away from a prospect should've been the first sign. that i only know her fiance through their multiple fights should've been my second sign. but the third sign came in how my life started its upswing financially and otherwise just as the new year should've taken hold. i mean, i could've spent those couple of thousand dollars swilling in the drink at cassis or on a bottle in miami or partying in manhattan. but hey, i needed passport stamps and i'm so glad i forced myself in the end. my life is so much richer for it, despite the drama. but i say that as if i don't have drama every time. eustress after all is still stress, but i had to fall into my life coach role many times and i didn't get to even fulfill my fancy until most of the trip had passed. so i had to leave on christmas day itself and that just sent my sister flying with jealousy as dinner had to be served early and everyone preoccupied themselves with getting me to the airport on time, but it worked out and i flew down to miami just in time and when i got down there, i had to wait forever to get picked up from the fort lauderdale airport. we got back to miami where my friend had to unload twenty pounds of clothes as BOTH of her alotted cases were over. and then her fiance rambled in not started with his packing. and the first of the schemes....to get to the airport without paying a cab. this involved enlisting a friend i met the last time i was in miami but did not get along with well, drunk, it was worse and after being criticized in every way possible, i finally respond with my trademark wit, and this oaf, unable in his state (or any other state for that matter) to come up with a retort, wants to devolve into fisticuffs. we eventually pile into the car and have a tense ride to miami international. and then we have the most treacherous flight to costa rica where we had a layover. after getting on the last plane, we descended into lima where it looked like we were landing onto of sand dunes falling into the sea. when in mexico city, you could tell the city very poor but had very rich parts, but in lima, its jewels didn't shine quite as ostentatiously. you had miraflores and you had everything else. and the first surprise of the trip? we weren't staying in miraflores. the beach condo i had dreamed about for months had fallen victim to squatters and we had to stay in the other family home in san miguel. with the fiance's father. and aunt. in his childhood neighborhood. with his childhood friends. picture me. in my linens and whites in a lower middle class neighborhood where people looked like they might strip the silver from my fingers. so we went to the nearby mall where i felt pleased that they had a faux-macys and a tommy hilfiger, but nothing spectacular: no american apparel and chanel like mexico city. then we went to this market across the street where they had a buffet for less than a dollar. we went back home and headed down to miraflores that night to see how the locals did it at chili's and we saw nothing and did nothing except to drive around maybe getting high and drinking wine out of plastic cups. the next day, we went to park kennedy around midday and then to lacomar for lunch with one of my friend's fiance's local friends who worked for groupon at pardo's chicken -- the first of many outings there -- and then we went down to the coast to sunbathe with the likes of local celebrity peter ferrari. that night, we went back to the miraflores neighborhood to this local american sports bar called "the corner" and i got tanked -- how could i not when top shelf cocktails barely cost three dollars -- and had a good night. the next day, we ventured to the south of lima for their more exclusive beach fronts and enjoyed ourselves at san bartolo and then at asia. we were with yet another of his friends for yet another time, so it was quite stilted, but i had a great time and saw some of the most exhilirating pacific waves of my lifetime. that night, we headed to the ever edgy barranco neighborhood with its chantueses and its hard rock bars and we partook in the local decadences and danced until the wee hours of the morning giddy as all get out. wednesday, we went down to the rock beach early in the day where we roasted good fashion while the fiance surfed and then headed back for lunch and then a sophisticated night out in the miraflores night at a restaurant called bohemia and a thrilling neighborhood walk capped off by some gambling in the casino. i felt that night the closest to seeing the real lima. white table clothes. lomo saltado -- a steak dish most reminiscent of steak fajitas -- and the thrilling night. i could have asked for no more. on thursday, we embarked to the zoo as our day activity and then went shopping that night at plaza san miguel with dinner and drinks at this delightfully trendy place called sofa cafe and then went to see the spanish version of "easy a" which was funny and i'll probably buy since i have a quiet little crush on one of the stars. on friday, we took a tour of downtown that lasted for hours and hours and i bought a painting in the park and some other souvenirs and then we got ready to go out for new years. well. this was an adventure. we went to look for an edgy house club, but none existed, so we went to aura which played eighties favorites for a less-than-full crowd. well. around two the crowd picked up and the music went top 40 and since we were all rolling, it turned out quite well. we didn't sleep that night and i lost my debit card which was unfortunate given we had a flight to catch first thing that morning to cusco. thankfully, my friend could loan me money to sustain me for the trip. i cannot wax on more poetically about a more endearing place than cusco. seriously charming with old world town square and architectural details to die for but with an underbelly of outright devilishness. we checked into the hotel and the fiance went on and on about being sick so we left him in the hotel for lunch and shopping. well. we got back and he still complained so we went to dinner at the MOST perfect wine bar i've ever been to in eons and got buzzing on malbec and then we went nightclubbing at mama africa which was two level affair that had this edgy bar below deck with this dj that would've been at home in miami. easily. and then upstairs for this club that filled itself with brazilian tourists, ucla backpackers, and the likes of us, just drunk and happy to find music we loved half a world away and two miles in the air. we got back that night just glowing with a good night out to return to a still sickly fiance who had not showered for two days at this point. next, we went to ollantaytambo which was just this horrible stop in the road to macchu picchu but we had to spend the night. and we had our final blow up there when the fiance opted to stay in a $6 hostel because he suddenly didn't want to pay for the hotel we had agreed to earlier. so while my friend and i rested in four star luxury, he moped and made the entire time so miserable although he tagged along for our hot water, water pressure, spectacular views, cable tv, and hot breakfast. the next early morning we embarked to macchu picchu and i saw the brazilian who had caught my eye the night before. the park was quite extraordinary. it took my breath away with its history and its scale. we hiked ALL DAY. and with no food, no water, no bathrooms. so after about six hours, you can imagine me. loca, loca, loca. on the train back i sat with a vanderbilt grad who made me feel better about my trip. patrician to a fault, he went on and on about the filthiness i had longed to express and the cheapness etc. i couldn't say these things because it's rude, but more on that later. finally, we made it back to cusco, and went out for one last dinner....at mcdonald's because it was SO LATE once we got back because of a mudslide derailing a train and we had to take a bus from ollantaytambo. the next morning, we took the plane to lima, packed, and had one last dinner with the fiance's family at a chinese restauarant (they obsess over it there), and then slept for a few hours before departing finally. we connected in mexico city. missed our connection (because of some crazy security requirements! but i did get another stamp) and i had to abide iwth them for yet another night until i could catch my own train home from miami back home.
lessons learned? never travel with anyone i haven't traveled with before without access or means to get a hotel room of my own. because we stayed with the fiance's family, i had to bite my tongue and swallow my pride too much for a vacation. i mean, no hot water for days. no water pressure toward the end. not one night for me. not the freedom to just explore on my own. or just lay back and let them have their space. but i did enjoy it. and i would go back to cusco tomorrow. seriously. and when i got back, the lines of communication re-opened with everyone imporant in my life except the longhorn. the exsomeone and i talked and talked and talked. and i even went over eventually although nothing came about. well, at least i didn't. we went to dinner. we went shopping. and while i DID NOT start having any sort of feelings, i missed that feeling. the having someone. for better or worse. and i reconnected with the pr girl though by accident. i went to the only bar in town sober and by myself on a friday and it was boring (although, of course, i saw someone i knew) so i went to detour which was worse but i had a drink anyway, and then went to cafe alma where i had a devil of a time. so wonderful. the best music i had heard since peru. although the cocktail of old wine at home plus two grey goose rocks at the only bar in town plus one nasty vodka cranberry at detour plus two grey goose rocks at cafe alma induced a severe chicago hangover and made me lose all day saturday. sunday, i did nothing, and monday, i reconnected with the exsomeone and the pr girl. and then after the emotional times with the longhorn -- all self-inflicted -- i ended the week as i started this post. new year, new hope, and all that.
Break Out of Ruts!
While a full Moon in sensitive Cancer on January 19 highlights the importance of taking care of yourself this week, the Sun's entrance into Aquarius on January 20 reminds you to add excitement and change to your life. A bit later in the week on January 22, Jupiter's entrance into bold Aries provides plenty of fuel for all your projects and plans!
( and as crazy as i've felt lately, it's actually quite scary to think that we never know what might set someone off. while i joke that my new theme song is the spanish version of a shakira hit, it's quite remarkable how little it takes to set one man off or how one event can spark outright revolution (in tunisia, in egypt, and in yemen). )
"i can't hate you, though i have tried," sade once crooned on her beautifully haunting ballad "love is stronger than pride," but the words like so many others existed only in a hypothetical space about love and loss, but here i am in that cummulonimbus between the onset of a potentially real relationship and all of the hope and longing that comes with the anticipation. to say that things have not gone as i'd have liked them to would understate the case one million fold. i vacillate between betty page wash-that-man-right-out-of-my-hair resolve to scribbling-our-names-in-a-heart infatuation. at one moment, i'm a jaded divorcee drinking red wine alone in a sports' bar, and the next moment, i'm a teenage girl on a sugar high talking about how dreamy her crush is. it's that bad. to put it in all adult terms, physically, i'm so attracted to the longhorn that i've sexually fantasized about the longhorn. to orgasm. personality wise, i have sent myself both to mountain high and valley low over our conversation. like, i want to jump through the phone and just cuddle. like, i want to wash the longhorn's dishes. and this becomes increasingly problematical because our so-called romance has come about in scheduling fits and starts so epic that i've lost far more promising relationships over so far less. we found ourselves set to have our second second date -- a term my old work friend gave me because the first date is really a first meeting because neither party actually knows whether there's a "there" there -- so the second date is really the first date and the third date the second so the pressure isn't really on until the fourth date which at this rate will not realisitically happen until the third week in january. no joke. after all, i'm going out of the country this weekend and will not return for two weeks. i understand the nature of "shiftwork" and the unpredictability of the retail schedule, so i resolved not to let it become an issue. however, the first time we rescheduled, it came from the longhorn having to fill in for a store manager who fell ill. been there, done that. in fact, that week remains the only week i ever called off from pier 1. so i get it. the second time, however, felt like the sick and/or dead grandmother incident i had with another plentyoffish.com potential suitor: two hours before we were set to meet, the longhorn sent a message stating that a friend's mother died and that the longhorn would go to ocala to console this friend. at this point, i did not know the sex of the friend, but i later learned it's a guy named mike. and now, there's a competition. because i don't know the nature of the relationship between the longhorn and this mike except to say that they've only known each other three months and they talk on the phone which is remarkable given how pulling-of-teeth difficult it is to schedule a conversation between us two. so where we are, and i don't know where we stand but to say that we've texted so much and talked so much that i actually think this re-schedule has pulled us closer. but at the same time, i've resigned to not invest myself anymore in this. whatever will be, will be.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Saturday, December 18
When that ex invites you out, you're tempted to say yes -- but don't let old feelings trap you in a toxic relationship. You know there's a good reason you're apart, so don't lose sight of it.
and, of course, because this is the way i deal with things, i had this emotional holiday night with the exsomeone about a week and a half ago. we watched the "sex and the city" episodes "are we sluts?" and "drama queens" because they so encapsulated the feelings i have had about my courtship with the longhorn. and, like my sister, i have had diarrhea of the mouth concerning this situation so i've talked to my sister and to rob and to jen and so it spilt out even to the exsomeone. i mean, we talk about everything else. and i couldn't help it, i mean, i was teary during the "drama queens" episode. but, then, that subsided. i ate my two bags of soft batch cookies. we had perfunctory fits-and-starts sex. and we haven't really talked that much since. and that happened after the FIRST re-schedule. after the second reschedule, i really went back to old habits by calling the stock broker. we caught up and i remember every single thing that made me so bonkers in the first place. and, of course, the stock broker has settled down -- the exsomeone is also dating someone somewhat seriously -- and the stockbroker told me that all relationship have drama. that i should know this by now. and as long as it's not something major, to basically, just take the good for the good and the bad for the bad. and largely, that's what i'll have to do. i really feel like this has potential. that's what makes it so tough. i just don't know if we've hit our moment.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Sunday, December 19
Embrace your existence as it is -- you're in a good place, even if you don't quite appreciate it yet. Your goal should be acceptance, so don't get hung up in what you haven't done yet.
in the interim, i've had quite a streak of good life living. almost two weeks ago, my boss called me into the office to announce an unexpected pay increase. i have three weeks off of work. two weeks ago, i went to cassis and had a racuous night out where i met this crazy katy perry bartender girl and basically had a romp through st. petersburg that started at the only bar in town and ended in a dive bar called "the emerald" with an open bar tab. after that, i went to a christmas party at one of my old pier one coworker's home. it was soaked in red wine for me. and i've been on a red wine streak lately. malbec has become my painkiller of choice. on sunday afternoon, i went to park shore grill for a late lunch of syrah and the best roasted portabella mushroom i've had in years. then i went to the old northeast tavern for a crab-stuffed portabella for dinner. on friday, i went to a late night showing of "black swan" which was AMAZING. on saturday, i went to ceviche with my sister and her boyfriend and then basically drunk myself asleep with a bottle of malbec in thirty minutes (and apparently had designs on going out seeing as i woke up in cheap mondays and a black tee)....that's how i processed the fact that the longhorn re-scheduled on me but somehow found the time to log into pof.com that day. yesterday, i spent the day overdosing on j.crew which will necessitate the purchase of naked and famous skinny guy jeans. also, because of my future boston trip, i need the true religion zach jeans in ultra skinny fit, body wash to wear with j.crew gingham. what else? oh yeah, i may or may not post for quite a while given i don't know how the internet will work in peru, but here's hoping my date tomorrow night doesn't get re-scheduled.
Daily Single's Horoscope for Monday, December 20
As soon as you think you've got it all figured out, the rules change. That's okay, though, because you're flexible and ready for anything. Be sure to keep all your options open -- this could be really fabulous!
( oh yeah, if things don't work out with the longhorn -- who, in fact, served several years in the united states' navy -- it's good to know that my pool of eligibles just got that much larger. plus, chanel goes gold, and 90210 shows just how much things have changed since the mid-nineties. )
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-adv-dontask-pictures,0,500643.photogallery
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
( Jeff Sheng / Kaycee Olsen Gallery )
Tristan and Zeke are gay members of the Marines who have come out only to a small number of their fellow service members because of the U.S. military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Photographer Jeff Sheng has spent almost two years crossing the country to shoot portraits of gay and lesbian military members.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Saturday, November 27
Starting something fresh and new is definitely favored, and other people are likely to appreciate your amazing charm even more than usual today. It's a great time for your love life!
you see, when people tell you not to put all of your eggs into one basket, generally, they mean for you to do some other hackneyed thing like "play the field" or "enjoy being single," but i decided to ward off feeling from coming too quickly and too strongly by simply making myself vulnerable to feelings i once had in the past. but, hey, it's got me writing, and that's something, because otherwise, i'd find myself sitting here freaking out over misinterpreted text messages and half signals instead of taking my own advice and walking into this situation with eyes wide open and addressing the possibilities like an adult. what, you may ask, am i talking about? well, i've met someone. someone who has the potential to replace the exsomeone. it takes me a while to meet someone. seriously. and it's an odd thing for me to meet someone who likes me with anywhere near the same intensity that i like them. can i find someone to have sex with? certainly. i think it's a fascination fuck for some. for others, it's the idea that they're being really bad by being with me. they're "acting out" and they know it. i'm one of those types of freaks. i'm that girl in the bar with her fuck me pumps. they're valentinos most times, or lately, ysl. so, as of my last post, i had some doubts about the realness of this thing. the truth. the re-schedule of the first date freaked me out to the point of emotional eating. and i had lingering doubts about sexual attraction. the longhorn had great pictures, after all, but lots of people do, and the voice could turn me on, but how much could one ascertain from a couple of conversations. well, we met on friday night at midtown sundries which is this non-chain version of chili's/applebee's/tgifriday's that's right down the street from my house (i suggested this place because i thought the longhorn's choice of lucky dill deli would be closed at that hour). i thought i looked tres cute with my peach v-neck date sweater, my first pair of diesels (that's how much invested in this date), and brogues. i wanted to masculine-it up because of the sports and the dogs, etc. little did i know, i didn't even shop in the right stores. we both ran about five minutes late, but the longhorn got their first and when i first laid eyes, i found myself pleasantly surprised that i stood taller as i tend to enjoy in all things, and had an even more trim build than me but in a non-anorexic sort of way. in that i may work out sort of way. but what blew me away completely remained the clothes. green abercrombie polo shirt, plaid shorts, a tampa bay rays shirt in green and blue, and flip flops. noticeable ink around the ankle that turned me on and a smile that made me blush. beneath the ball cap i saw salt and pepper which made me happy, and in fit and form, the longhorn reminded me of a younger, straighter, hotter exsomeone. i have to be that blunt. like, instantly attracted. in fact, i felt out of my league. like, so hot i would've just went home right then and there and let the longhorn do whatever. however. the voice? even more quaking in real life. the sense of humor, on point. we chatted over a veggie burger -- the longhorn's a vegetarian -- and tuna steak -- as i'm a carnivore and felt wierd about ordering outright meat since the longhorn's a vegetarian for moral reasons not dietary. as we talked superficially about our pasts, our eyes met and we laughed. conversation flowed. one of the things that turned me on relatively early on came when the longhorn offered me some of the longhorn's french fries before even trying them. say what you will, but it felt like that indicated something vulnerable or giving or something. or maybe, i'm just fully, and boldy infatuated. so after two cocktails on my part and three pint glasses on the part of the longhorn, we left -- after a very awkward exchange where i said the food didn't matter at certain restaurants if the drinks were good and the longhorn said, "well, okay then," in that we-obviously-have-nothing-in-common way and then stood while i laughed thinking it nothing but sarcasm -- and here's where it got fishy. i could not tell whether or not the longhorn found me physically attractive or what. i mean, i was working it. i have never looked thinner in recent times. and i know how those diesels make my ass look. so we got to the corner where we had to part, and we hugged and resolved to make plans again, and then the longhorn crossed with me again, and then we hugged again. i did not know if we were supposed to kiss there. i would have -- despite the obvious hate crime that would've ensued should the less-than-savory crew crossing the street have chose to intervene -- but i didn't know. i mean, i felt overwhelmed. like so gorgeous. so perfect. so exactly what i described when i talked about that american brand of masculinity that i floated home. seriously. the city lights waxed magical in their whiteness. the street cars went silent. the people faded away. and there was no one in the world, but the longhorn.
so, then, communication sort of dried up. again, i work the craziest schedule possible and the longhorn has a similar situation to what i had when i worked at the newspaper and pier 1 imports simultaneously. the i never have a free moment when i'm not coming or going to work sort of schedule. at least now all i have to wrestle with is sleep, not availability. but i wanted to nail down the second date because i got all the right signs, but we couldn't synch up our schedules right then, but the longhorn indicated on all levels that this would be done again. but thanksgiving fell in the middle of the week and between work and family stuff, it didn't seem like it'd happen. but then my sister parachuted into town suprisingly. and she's going through this crazy situation where she hooked up with basically the man of her dreams although he has a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend. she has racked her brains for eons over the "what would've happened if" conversations for the past two years, but nothing ever came of it, until the thursday before thanksgiving. by the time she got to town, she found herself in this not-wanting-to-text-but-wanting-to-hear-from-him mode and so we had something in common wierdly. so i hadn't texted at all really. but i decided to treat my sister for a night on the town so we started the night at cassis -- which is my new bella brava -- and we split a bottle of wine and the best macaroni and cheese i've had in my life while debating whether or not to text. biting the bullet, i sent a text before we left. and the longhorn and i had texted all the way up to confirming plans on the monday next. well, with that under my belt, i scanned the restaurant to see a facebook friend of mine who i hadn't seen in the flesh since high school although we've known each other since elementary school. then, when i went to the bathroom, i saw my favorite middle eastern dictator who i have hooked up with twice and who i exchanged work flirt-texts with over two years ago now. we then went to the cassis bakery so my sister could nab a quick chocolate covered strawberry and then off to ceviche for scallops and sangria. we then jetted back to my place so i could have a quick change into banana plaids and rogan denim and headed to tampa with a pit stop at the only bar in town where i ran into everyone i know except the p.r. girl who i found out was in the hospital with pancreatitis. so we then went to blue martini but i was absolutely blitzed at this point and remember nothing except leaving relatively quickly. then, we went to the kennedy where i remember nothing. my sister told me i had a good time and i have wanted to hang out there, so. i woke up at home, but without my car. and then, when i noticed that NOTHING found itself open on thanksgiving, had to call her to tote me to breakfast. we did the IHOP thing and had quite a bit of bonding time. we then went to the grocery store and i changed clothes -- for the fifth time in nine or so hours (pre-dinner visit with grandmother, dinner, drinking, breakfast, then thanksgiving dinner) -- and then spent time with the family which went swimmingly with my family including them mentioning that i'm getting too skinny. and after i got back home, finally, i sent a last minute text to the longhorn wishing thanksgiving greetings. no reply. but then again, none from alex either (who, it must be mentioned, fooled me into thinking he had a jonathan adler sculpture when all he had was owl from west elm which i should've figured out since he had a crow from cb2 in his study). so i let it ride.
i suffered through two interminable nights at work and found out i didn't have to work on sunday -- which is why the longhorn and i agree to monday night anyway -- and so i texted such information. nothing in reply. so then around quarter till nine, i called. no answer. i sent a text message asking what time we should meet. no reply. so then the butterflies started up. and i felt myself spiralling emotionally to that ugly place of rejection and hurt. i felt embarrassed that i had went so public with how good of a find. a white unicorn i called the longhorn. the impossible find. my future spouse. plan a, i joked with rob earlier: you see, i went underwear shopping today as is my wont before dates and bought two pairs. i called the first pair of conservative boxers, plan a, just in case the date with the longhorn goes right and i somehow wind up in bed. i'll have boxers which are also cute to sleep in. but then my second were one of those oversexualized pairs of 2xist trunks. so hot, i'd fuck me. just in case i get crushed and need to hook up on the fly or hit the bar. so yeah, if plan a didn't work out, i'd need a plan b and as i swirled in my jilted-ness from no return call or text, i got a text from the exsomeone. well. in other circumstances, i might have begged off or rain checked as the sex has not compared to the random encounters of a couple weeks before. well. i was horny. i was emotional. and i found myself in the car before a half hour had passed. of course, because it's my life, as soon as i found myself in the car on the way to the exsomeone's, the longhorn replied to my text and we decided on lucky dill at half past six o'clock. so that's that, but i went through with seeing the exsoemone anyway and am i glad i did. i had the most mind-blowing, emotional sex i have had since the judge. why? the exsomeone and i kissed again. we haven't done that in at least three or four years. and afterward we cuddled and talked about everything. we haven't talked like that in probably almost two. the exsomeone told me about a sister who has become a drug addict and the niece whose future is in jeopardy, and about a sarasota friend who i always here about who has stage four, and about continued communication with my exsomeone's exsomeone. the entreprenuer. but we got to talking about "walls" and how the exsomeone has always put them up and i said, well, DUH! since it's the entire nature of our ex-relationship, but we got really deep into it and while it did open the door to some of those emotions from so long ago, they found themselves propelled down an ever elongating hallway. so much has changed. and i came clean with the exsomeone that we may have to stop talking here soon if things get serious with the longhorn. i am, after all, doggedly loyal in all things. but yeah, we'll see how it pans out tomorrow.
Set a New Course!
Open yourself to change!
On November 29, when Venus returns to intense Scorpio, the sign where she turned retrograde on October 8, you won't feel lukewarm about anything! Mercury enters serious Capricorn on November 30, a transit that will turn your mind to important matters. Then get ready for the unexpected when Uranus turns direct on December 5!
( now, more on the banana battiness and the fruity fruitiness going around fashion at the moment.... )
http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2010/09/prada_just_had_a_chiquita_bana.html
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Saturday, November 13
Change is vital right now, especially when it comes to your love life. Show your readiness to welcome that change by actively exploring new options, saying hi to new faces and expanding your horizons.
i must say that i'm pretty sure i exceed the average american in that i clearly watch more than five hours of television per day. this began recently, if one can call it that, when writer-driven television came back into the fore with shows like "desperate housewives," "brothers & sisters," "mad men," "gossip girl," "true blood," and others. it's, of course, gotten out of control with many other shows taking their lead from "glee" to "caprica" to "modern family." so it's interesting to me that within that construct that there exist moments within these shows -- even as many of them flail about looking for new story lines -- that send me reeling with shock and awe. and it's further surprising the truthiness of these moments resonated so deeply with me. it started a couple of sundays ago with bob on desperate housewives confessing his stark loneliness to gabrielle solis after a breakup. it continued with the kevin character on brothers and sisters acting out on his hurt after an infidelity in his marriage. but the most shocking moment came from the kurt character on glee. while i do tend to file many of the kurt moments under the "on a very special episode of" category, the "never been kissed" episode paired such outright wish fulfillment the likes of which i haven't seen in any broadcast telelvision program with the shocking reality that i usually can only find in films of the independent or oscar variety. first, there's something to that whole "love that dare not speak its name" (if not the problematic "male gaze" in some ways) that every guy like me so lives for and relates to that so rarely gets aired in mainstream entertainment. sure, it's easy to point out and cherish in films like "the talented mr. ripley" or sometimes "bring it on", but it's never really given the treatment that it had in "glee." for once, in a long time, the gaze assumed that the viewer, the audience, the person, shared the gaze. it wasn't some curiosity on the margins of the film, it was the thrust of the episode. i mean, teenage dream, indeed. how many times did i look with longingly at the object of my affections in high school -- who ironically looks just like the character in question in glee and said as much on facebook -- praying for the second that for just one second that gaze would get returned. yes, girls have had this aired relentlessly since the television got invented, but it's never ever been done this way. and then to have that moment coupled with the most unlikely kiss possible with the unruly, unsavory football bully. i mean, way to elicit a romantic high with a thrilling moment of bravery just to step on it all with the shock and ugliness of this sort of pain and acting out.
yeah, it's novel. this is how good television is today. i don't have to accumulate a million dvds and novels to satisfy my hunger for such unexpected emotional fare, television fits the bill. but, let's be honest, since i've got back from chicago, i've been a bundle of unexorcized emotions and thoughts. while i didn't act out on these emotions the first week i got back, i had quite a full plate when i had a full weekend without work to distract me. my grandmother's closest sister died of cancer so i had a funeral to go to and i still had all of my residual issues from the matrimonial bliss i experienced in alex's apartment, so i went on an online sex binge hooking up with nearly three different people in almost three days. the first, a new york italian who lived in an apartment that made mine look like the taj mahal and so dirty that i didn't even remotely entertain the notion of un-safe sex. like, no condom, no thanks. and yes, i know it's bad considering all of the talk, but it's been so long since i've used one of those that i thought i wasn't even aroused until i came. seriously. i couldn't feel anything. i've been spoiled by my nearly monogamous pairing with the exsomeone over the past year or so. but then i had to go home and get dressed and go to a church funeral where the southern baptist saw fit to deliver the most fire and brimstone eulogy possible seeing as all but the sisters and brothers in the same generation as my grandmother would qualify as heathens in the eyes of those belonging to the church. after that, my dad decided we should exercise our heathenism even more by going to the casino to celebrate his birthday. this resulted in some father-son bonding time the likes of which i haven't experienced in several months if not years. and i didn't have the words for it at the moment, but another television show help me put words to the emotion. ricky martin gave an interview on oprah recently and in the audience sat a man with his mother and he said that he never really realized it, but he knew his mother finally accepted him when she asked him about his love life. sure, she had never made an issue of it before, but it wasn't until she asked him about his life, then, and only then, did he know she actually cared and accepted him for where he was and who he was. and that's what happened with my father, he asked me about whether or not i dated anymoe and why i wasn't in a relationship and if i thought i'd get into a relationship -- the conversation all of my girlfriends have told me their fathers have had with them when they start to think they might become an old maid -- and i started into the speech i give almost everyone about how hard it is for me to meet people. i mean, it's so hard. seriously. so after i basically donated a hundred dollars to slot machines and then forced my dad to take me to ikea where i saw all of the stuff i could've bought with said hundred dollars, i went home and slept. and then, in the wee hours of the morning, went and met someone else. this one a little older, a judge from toronto. a high court judge. i came five times. i mean, this judge started talking marriage after round two. traveling to italy around round four. and "why don't you just move to toronto?" by the end. seriously. as if i didn't have enough issues. i wondered to myself, is this my meal ticket? what if that is my chance? yes, sexual attraction down. personality i can stand. in a city i LOVE. and all of that praise and adoration. but i couldn't be seen with someone like that in public without being regarded as a trophy. well, not even trophy, but gold digger. so then, my phone started blowing up and i started making up excuses and that fizzled because my conscious got the better of me.
so i sort of cooled off after that after some bumbling encounters with the exsomeone and getting stood up by this traveling san franciscan later that week. so i thought, you know, i need to go on a date, not just to fuck although it felt good to know i still had it, and at first, i got all thrilled because someone on the site who i saw in the bars who i KNOW i would love and cherish until death do us part wrote me, but then didn't respond when i responded! that's what i get for getting my hopes up. so then, after many a conversation with jen and my sister and so many others, i went on plentyoffish.com on a serious mission. just like i was about three and a half years ago, right before i met the stock broker, and so i located fifteen profiles of truly eligible goodlooking people and then scaled it back to five people who i felt not only WOULD respond, but SHOULD respond. no fantastically hot people who i wish would. no crazily specific people who i could rationalize would, but those people who honestly, should and would and could write me. well, only two of them wrote back (and that's ongoing), but one of the people i eliminated for being too good looking and frankly encompassing all of those things that i admired alex's partner for just last post, WROTE ME. and we have been talking on the phone ever since. we were supposed to meet on sunday, but i got a text begging off due to a stomach bug. now, you know, i did not buy it especially since just a couple of months ago i didn't buy the dying grandmother excuse (although, it too, was real), but we rescheduled for this friday. the problem, mostly, is our schedules, but i'm trying to make it work. we'll see. the longhorn's so nice on the phone. and the longhorn's cute. i even bought a new outfit for this one. a banana republic outfit, not an express going-to-meet-friends-for-a-drink outfit. like, i bought a date sweater. the type of sweater i'd NEVER EVER wear to a bar. i bought it on a shopping spree with my mother. yes, wierd i know, but she wanted me to go help her shopping for my sister. mind you, we haven't been shopping since i was a junior in high school. so as she marveled that i do, indeed, know how to shop and spend lots of money very quickly and to great effect, she never did ask me about my love life. although i kept dropping hits like, "i'm buying this sweater for this weekend" or "i have plans this sunday" or any of that. that made me sort of have a sideways grin which is exactly the text message i sent back to my newest internet suitor. i guess i should come up with a nickname. the longhorn sounds good, but i don't know it to be true in any way of speaking. the longhorn lives in a cute building across from the baseball stadium and has two dogs and three cats. works in sales and moonlights at a pet shop. raised in pennsylvania and has two brothers and makes it to new york city occassionally. had a partner for years. like harry potter, which could be an issue, and really likes sports, which isn't an issue if passing interest in sports gets me past that test. and because i live in a soap operatically small town, i keep having this fear that i'll run into the longhorn at cvs or publix or tj maxx or wherever because we both live downtown and i honestly do not know how said longhorn looks in the flesh. i mean, if pictures are to be believed, it's one thing, but one never knows. so i felt that my craziness in tj maxx might have been witnessed -- i mean, when i asked for 2xist undershirts, the clerk thought i meant i needed a size 2X which is SO ABSURD if you saw how skinny i've been -- so yeah, and then after the cancellation, i went on a binge that just let up just now with ben and jerry's and gyros with the bread for breakfast. i plan to almost fast for the rest of the week, but i'm still quite slender as my ruehl pjs basically fell off as i went ice cream shopping at three this morning.
Make a Connection!
You get the green light!
There are plenty of shifts this week as both Jupiter and Venus change direction. And while some of your visions for your life have changed over these last few months, you can finally move forward with your revamped aspirations! First, you'll feel more hopeful than you have in a while when Jupiter turns direct on November 18. Plus, with Venus turning direct on the same day, your relationships can get back on track!
( anyways, i wished i could write with more encouraging news, but i've been in a holding pattern here with no signs of let up. let's hope that it, indeed, does 'get better'... )
| Date: | 2010-10-20 08:42 |
| Subject: | the alex party |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  loving my new tom fords |
i've often considered myself a class alien when it all boils down to it: i walk about -- and i know this -- unlike so many others in my station in life with the type of high head and high aspiration that so many in my same circumstance do not gather: i've often tried to pinpoint exactly where this unusual sense of do-your-own-thing-ed-ness comes from but i've never really found a genesis: however, over the past couple of weeks, i've certainly found its sustenance. for all of the credit i give my friends, they have begun to operate in just the way i've seen my parents' adult friends treat them: equal portions of love, respect, and keeping-up-with-the-joneses-ness: it's a dose of something that could get misinterpreted as unhealthy, but i take as one of the most healthy influences in my life: it's not jealousy, fully, and it's not envy because there's no malice, it's just a tacit setting of expectactions, a rat race of sorts, a crazy type of "keeping up appearances" that we all play out on each other that actually makes better and refines us in a way that simple instruction or individual ambition may not: and one might say, in the end, it came down to the jonathan adler pottery. long ago, on an episode of the sopranos, carmela soprano boasted about her lladro statuettes and her community involvement for the benefit of her son's girlfriend who lived in house populated with rodins and picassos. it struck me as a funny irony that this woman who wanted to put on all the pretensions of the upper classes found herself relegated back to her actual station in the presence of actual wealth. and while i'd never entertain the notion of being even above the poverty line since the layoff last year, ever since my promotion at work and the first paycheck thereof, i've found myself returned to a place i haven't enjoyed since before i worked at pier one. my only warning signal this time guards against the complacency i felt then and losing sight of constantly moving onward and upward wherever that might lead. but right before i de-camped for chicago, i experienced this forgotten feeling. the feeling of paying my bills. the feeling of fulfilling my impulses. the feeling of going out when i want. the feeling of going to the store on whim. the feeling of seeing an ad and purchasing it. in season. without hesitation. the feeling of going out for after-five drinks with my friend the p.r. girl. at the new bella brava no less. the feeling of involving myself in the community by going to the opening of the fall season of the florida orchestra. the impromptu purchase of a bottle of wine to enjoy on the new balcony of the new apartment of the p.r. girl. and doing it all before a trip and still having money. that's the feeling. it's not absolute comfort. i mean, i'm not going out to dinner every night like i once did and i'm not going out to lunch every day like i once did. i'm not ordering breakfast deliveries. i'm not dry cleaning everything on habit. i don't have laundry service pick up my dirty clothes. i haven't started going out two, three times a week again. and for the time being, i'm shopping sales racks and not having things put on a rack by a nordstrom personal shopper, but i've gotten back some sense of control and some sense of happiness again. i find myself welling up with happiness even as i sit in my little showroom studio, sipping on a glass of wine, languishing in the absolute beauty of large scale canvases and gorgeous lamps and proper furnishings. and then i go to chicago.
and just like carmela soprano, i found myself so thoroughly put back in my place that i couldn't help but smirk. i brought six hundred dollars for a fairly short weekend in a relatively inexpensive city. by the time i touched down in chicago, this had already dwindled to five hundred (airport parking, checked bag fee, gas to run to the airport, last minute dry cleaning, etc). one hundred fifty set aside for alex and i had three fifty which officially stands as not enough to do much in a city like chicago. but before i get to the economic realities, i have to get to the things that surprised-and-delight. first, the train ride into chicago remains the stuff of legend. riding into the great downtown of that city filled me with the thrills i once felt as a child riding the trolley in tomorrowland. skyscrapers of all sorts intertwining around each other like some old redwood forest. and a compendium of people of all classes and all races and cultures crowding together on the train with lives and priorities and idiosyncrasies of their own. a near-goth african american nerd next to a clearly monied bottle blond with a nose piercing next to a handsome athlete in the chicago uniform of aviators, too-tailored jeans, v-neck t-shirt, non-descript loafers, and the mid-west form of i-know-i'm-hot swagger. i boarded the train in a after five outfit of polo button down shirt, rich and skinny dark jeans, brouges and a burberry trench, and some tourists actually asked me for directions setting me in the perfect mood. when i got off the train, i found myself wonderfully pleased that i recognized the neighborhood. the "el" stop sat right across the street from the bar, berlin, where alex had taken us a couple of years ago. on the streets, i found myself again pleased by the potpurri of the the young chicago crop and those who pushed around strollers, and when i got to alex's street, i got even more bowled over by the crazily cute and architecturally distinct buildings that lined both sides of the street. an old midwestern town house here, a starkly modern building of full floor apartments, a single family home fit for a king. when i got to alex's doorstep, reagan, their gorgeous black dog came running down the stairs, and i got welcomed by the open arms of both alex and rob. soon, i met alex's partner, mike, who effused all of those elements of masculinity that one might so soon forget should one get very immersed in our world. because of the time change, we all found ourselves catching up at an unusually early hour with little to do, so alex and i went shopping after i had set down my things and i loved the neat shopping that surrounded him. a army/navy store stood up the street with the patina of a raw trend store. think the d & g boutique at the forum shops in ceasar's palace in las vegas. seriously. while my eyes immediately got drawn to the german militaria, i found myself most besotted with the navy air force and army jackets. we also stopped in american apparel and a poster shop (how these places afford storefronts continues to boggle the mind) and then headed back so we could go to dinner. we went to the neighborhood haunt, ukai, and had great sushi and byob wine, then we went back home to get ready, which became an ordeal in and of itself as my linea pelle cross-studded belt had trouble fitting in the belt loops of my ysl jeans -- and headed downtown for alex's surprise birthday location. we pulled up to the wit hotel downtown and while i felt almost fabulous in my ysl skinny jeans, my ysl loafers, and my vintage ysl camel blazer, and we walked to the front of the line getting ushered inside with whispers into walkie-talkies tracking our every movement. "the alex party is in the lobby." "the alex party has entered the elevator." "the alex party has arrived." and though we played musical tables at first, needless to say, rob and i found ourselves woefully overwhelmed with the orgasmic view of the skyline of chicago. nested in a huddle of city lights, the bottles arrived to the table and as we guzzled down the vueve clicquot, alex gave us these lapel pins of the numeral five. quite chanel if you ask me. after we swallowed the bottle of champagne, we embarked on the mission to attack the bottle of grey goose. rob did not feel well and though the music rocked me to my core, i think there came a point where we had all had our fill because we had to invite another of our ohio state friends -- who never showed up -- and while i remember dancing and remember having fun and remember drinking, i have absolutely no idea when what where or why we left or what i did because my next memory is waking up on the air mattress in my undies with the beginnings of a chicago hangover. they told me that after my memory stopped apparently, i proceeded to give back what little sushi and the grand lot of vodka that i consumed all over the fantastic boite. yeah, the friday night city crowd of chicago what with their pretty young things and the young upwardly mobiles and every other stereotype of big city living and i vomited all over them. thank GOD i don't live there.
the next day, i tried with all my might to get up and go shopping in lincoln park, but three hours of sleep over forty eight hours plus a hangover i only know with the boys kept me asleep until the late afternoon. that evening, we went to another neighborhood haunt, mathilda, and i ran to belmont army and navy to get the air force jacket to don over my reiss double polo shirt and rock and republic skinny jeans and ferragamo suede trainers. mathilda is exactly the type of place i wanted to go when in chicago. it had a patio and funky decor and chocolate martinis that set me right into a good orbit. we caught a cab to the gold coast to the penthouse apartment of one of our old ohio state friends and while i found myself wrapped up in this nostalgia and intrigued by the art collection, the party found itself mostly a bust what with restrictions on red wine and the heat blowing through the vents -- despite the high eighty degree temperature outside -- and besides one gregarious broad and a couple of decidedly chicago looking people, no one all that interesting besides us old ohio state folk who mostly holed up in the bedroom re-living old times. after alex's mike left for another party and the gregarious broad left, we decided to off-ramp as well and went to the new york times' recommended mainstay big chicks which i had been to some years prior and after a lifechanging cab ride -- think ninety miles per hour, fully amped house music, lake shore drive situaation -- we tried to have a good time at big chicks despite our mutual cokehead ohio state friend putting our friend alex in an even worse state of being and pushing rob and i to the margins of the evening: in that moment, alex decided he needed to go home. well. we didn't really know how to react since we had just now gotten into the drink -- yeah, though slowly, i had managed to get up to number six at this point and rob had broken his pledge against ketel one on the rocks -- and we rode with him all the way home. and rob tried his best to comfort him, in the patent-pending robert crouch way, while i buzzed about the apartment not conceding the moment. and when alex threw the keys on the table and said "go out!" -- my drunkenness comingled with salesman-ness said "let's go, rob!" and though he tried to resist it, we went out and we painted the town RED. we started with roscoe's and (i think) that's where we started the night's joke that we were touring husband factories for rob and while he didn't buy in immediately, by the time we got to sidetraxx (i think), and three rounds further in, he was on board with the metaphor and my maniacal -- think will and grace's karen walker with a cocktail and a notary public stamp -- motioning like i was approving compliance documents. by the time we got to hydrate, the night was on full blast. my jacket caused a stir as we walked down the street. some black girl snapping at her friend, "no, i LIKE it," even as her respective gayboyfriend said, "i don't know." and we snaked through the hydrate (i know) just like it was 2001, well, maybe, 2003, and besides all of the anthems we heard that night -- "only girl" to "million dollar bill" -- we eventually lost steam and decided to head back with a very emotional -- "on a very special episode of" -- confessional session at subway -- where they didn't have mayonnaise (i don't know why i remember such things) -- where i confided in rob that i slept with someone he dated once upon a time that shared a building with me. at the time they dated. yeah, damned alcohol. then we went back to the apartment.
the next day, we did brunch at ann sathers where i literally exploded twice after eating so much food i died. the cinnamon rolls remain legend. after brunch, we headed downtown for a bit of shopping. we started at barneys, then spent about an hour in marc jacobs -- officially old navy for the monied set just like tiffany is claire's for rich people -- and then went to the north face in the hancock tower then to zara -- which had every single cardigan i will own for boston -- and then to express which had this beautifully cheap yellow shirt i might try to find here and then to burberry and then to the biggest crate and barrel i've ever been to and then to neiman marcus where i fixated on prada camouflage and tom ford's japon noir and then we went to millennium park where alex shot the skinniest photographs of me i have taken in years. we then went to the millenium park cafe for a nosh. then, we went over to ben's which is a tradition of alex and rob and then we went to kit kat club which was fun because i had two cucumber martinis and enjoyed the company of all involved. of course, this all got ruined when i got home and broke something and rob and mike both cautioned me not to tell alex because he was already in a bad mood although, again, i don't remember why. and yeah, that didn't turn out well either because the next morning alex found the pieces of the bowl and went OFF. no apology could have sufficed, but that's how we left it and then we went shopping in the neighborhood again and i bought this vintage card of the belmont "el" stop and then we went back for me to leave. it felt like a tense ending, but who knows.
on the way back home, i ruminated quite a bit over the issues i took away from the trip. mainly, the social pressure i felt to be in a long-term committed relationship. and in one with all of the signs of outward success as the one my friend alex displayed. this is exactly the thing that makes me so passionate for the cause celebre of gay marriage as a whole because even as we sat around their dinette set drinking coffee one morning with rob asking, "well, are you two going somewhere to get married legally?" they said "no" because, in the end, it'd still be invalid. the romantic in me wanted to cry out "what about the symbolism?!" but i got it. and it's funny because we live in this oddly two-faced political environment where republicans and democrats, conservatives and liberals, spout the exact same political argument when they apply to both parties equally on different topics. where is the conservative furor decrying the "uncertainty" of an uneven legal framework when it comes it issues like "don't ask, don't tell" or proposition eight in california? where happens to their cries for states' rights when it to issues like the marijuana referendum in california or physician assisted suicide? and it's funny how this administration has to thread the needle on so many of their agenda items like healthcare, immigration, military policy, and drug policy. yes, i understand these issues don't play the same way and i don't mean to apologize for this administration, but if the obama administration starts to employ the "we're not going to appeal" tactic like the executive branch in california, he doesn't get to reap the "i'm moving to the center" poltical capital, and plus, how can he mount such a vociferous battle for healthcare on the grounds that federal policy trumps all, if he doesn't do it for other issues that will probably settle the way he wants anyway? we can't have federal district court judges deciding the law for the entire country. i don't care what party's in power, a bill that's passed by both houses of congress and signed by the president deserves more than one ruling by one judge. now, supreme court or appeals court? maybe. and seeing as healthcare is his legacy item number one, he's not going to jeopardize that -- he's going to have the fight of his life for the next two years with the implementation of that with a more republican congress -- for a constituency that's going to stick by him in the end. besides, the court cases help triangulate the political effort to force the congress into action. if the courts overturn the arizona effort, how can even a republican congress not tackle the immigration issue on a federal level? if the courts uphold the pro-pot referendum in california, it could very well undermine any number of other federal policies, no? and this is why i think they feel they have to defend the "don't ask, don't tell": as convoluted as it sounds, obama is a constitutional purist that thinks the congress has the most power -- repudiating all of that unitary executive business we had under bush -- especially when it specifically directs the executive. it's the first lesson of civics, the congress makes the law, the executive enforces the law, and the courts interpret the law. it's actually quite a conservative point of view. it's something the most crazy-conservative of justices always refer to: let the congress act and if the people disagree, let them exercise their democracy.
but this issue, in my mind, really is about trying to protect a very specific type of masculinity. a very american brand of masculinity that's begun to unravel with men like the partner of my friend alex who doesn't fit into any neatly drawn stereotype, but just stands as a very good, very well adjusted MAN. just imagine them coming home with military honors and imagine them telling the story about how they saved their mostly straight platoons or whatever. it's about that iconic sailor bending the girl over with the new york skyline in the background -- as diesel satarized in their ad from the nineties. it's about those moments in the foxhole -- as siegried sassoon rhapsodized in his poetry -- and it's about this club of good old boys that tried to keep blacks out and tried to keep women out. and as we see stories about blacks rising to the test. and women earning those medals. and now, even, the oh-so-scary illegal aliens shedding blood for this country. it's really about trying to make yet another group "the other" in a way that melts away when it's in this most patriotic of contexts. this type of masculinity paired with anything they may not like is really a dangerously powerful thing. and it's this new type of masculinity that's so alluring to me at the moment. i may have seen it at chanel -- what with this midwestern model walking down the catwalk holding the hand of his two year old -- and i may just be really tired. but there's something to this.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Wednesday, October 20
Your unconscious mind is on to something that you really should know. Ponder your dreams, clear your head and scribble or write down thoughts as they come to you. Allow the truth to flow.
( and call me crazy, but the social pressure to nab such a man and to build such a home not only has made me positvely batty, but has made me appreciate the radicalness of 'sex and the city': as two of my best friends will get married off by the time they're thirty, how much more insane will i get by thirty five? and i know i'm not the only one. )
(Photo by Dan Wilby, for Jonathan Adler)
Jonathan Adler’s big banana hit | Jun 8, 2009 14:47 EDT
http://blogs.reuters.com/summits/2009/06/08/jonathan-adlers-big-banana-hit/
Want to know what quirky housewares are selling during the recession? Designer Jonathan Adler talks about one item that has taken off here.
| Date: | 2010-09-28 06:15 |
| Subject: | the town. |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  fighting sleep |
i quipped on my facebook page that this has probably been the best worst year of my life because of all of the great things that have happened this year and how it's reminded me to get back to my core and to remember my true self and in that way, this past week probably stands as one of the best weeks, ranking after new york, toronto, and miami, of course, but probably my best week at home, all year. first, i FINALLY got my leopard loafers from yves saint laurent. for those following this journal, it's the one item i have pined away for since i saw it in the chicago boutique years ago and tracked it popping up on celebrities of note year after year after year. to think, i got the valentino loafers before i got the ysl loafers. i liked the valentino loafers BECAUSE of the ysl loafers. that's the irony. it's one of those high fashion moments that i will cherish for the rest of my life. it's like the first time i bought a pair of shoes at prada. walking with one of those giant prada bags. there's no feeling like it in the world and because of technology, i actually have a story behind its provenance. i knew the shoes had gone half off about a month before i went to new york and i flirted with the idea of buying them on ysl.com before my trip, but i couldn't afford that and my trip to new york. and of course, as these things happen, when i got back from new york, the powers that be had taken the shoes down from the website. i wrote to the online people for some weeks, but they said it had completely sold out. then i stalked it through the stores. they all said it had sold out. finally, after a burst of ridiculous amounts of overtime, i called ysl.com and asked if they could search all stores, and they said one boutique had one pair in california. i called the beverly hills' store and they said they had it, but it turns out they had the new leopard loafers which have smaller spots and come in a grey color as well, but i demured since they rang in at full retail. so i called the other california store, and they said that there's some mistake because they don't have it. i gave my information. i called back the next day and spoke to the manager, she said that it should come in and took my credit card information and would inform me when and if it came. i got a call several hours later that the package was on its way.
now, for my big night out with the boys, i will wear my vintage (officially) ysl camel blazer that looks amazing and that i'm generally too fat to fit into, my ysl jeans from the spring of 2002, and a zara basic white button down and reiss cufflinks. it's a quintessential outfit for me for a quintessential year. besides my ysl loafers, i think i may have reached quite a zen place with the exsomeone this past week. after our failed effort at sex a couple of weeks ago, i've sort of begged off the notion of a re-attempt. seriously, it's just not been on my mind at all. further, i haven't even masturbated or anything. but i guess my weakened sexual appetite started with my first venture out of the house in this city last saturday when i went to the rays' game that featured an after-game performance by american idol runner up, adam lambert. i went with my high school friend, which, i'll save the keystrokes, but was a mistake: i knew it was a mistake before hand, but i didn't know anyone else who would go to the game and i really wanted to go so that's how that happened so after the game, i went for a quick change at home -- i needed to give my rock and republic skinnies another spin before chicago -- and then we went to the only bar in town. my high school friend has surely perfected the art of wet blanketry as seriously it felt like a great family reunion except for my high school friend. i saw this couple who i absolutely adore -- at least one half of them -- and flirted with one half of them and then saw the p.r. girl and made a resolution to reinstate my social life once my job situation had changed.
with regard to my work situation, i start my promotion today and cannot wait for the new income, new status, and finally getting back to what i've been doing so well for so many years and now that my finances are a bit more in order, i can actually enjoy the money i earn without the heartache of financial mismanagement. and, of course, with the induction of new nice things into my life, it's built my appetite for more nice things. i want the snow leopard loafers from ysl or at least the updated versions of the ones i own. then i want the prada camoflauge loafers because, why not? and then maybe the python emporio armani numbers. i want another pair of tom ford glasses (although i haven't picked up the first pair or my contacts for that matter) and whatever fantasies prada comes up with out of that bananas collection she dreamed up. what else? i'll probably buy bleu de chanel on wednesday because i need something to announce myself back on the scene. what else? i'm thankful all of my fall programs have resumed, i went from watching maybe two shows a week to now being addicted to two soap operas, mad men, modern family, gossip girl, desperate housewives, and brothers and sisters. and now maybe even rubicon. thank goodness true blood is over. and i've been resisting 90210. also, last saturday, i renewed my love affair with cinema when i got up to catch a matinee of "the town" which reminded me of "the departed" and scared me for my trip to boston, but alas, it was good to see jon hamm in something different than don draper. what else? the fashion weeks have been about color and the seventies and nineties' minimalism. and standing apart from all of them, i loved how armani created this emotional and moody moment. so that's good for my wardrobe. jen went to spain and wish i went with her instead. maybe that will happen next year. or the year after that. rob almost broke up with his boyfriend, but didn't. my sister is obsessed with a man who is not her boyfriend yet gets upset when the man that is her boyfriend tries to break up with her.
Be Fair!
Keep your mind open!
Last week, the Sun opposed Jupiter and Uranus -- and also squared Pluto -- all of which challenged you to make important changes. This week, the Sun conjuncts Saturn in fair-minded Libra on September 30, reminding you to do the right and fair thing. Then, when communicative Mercury opposes Jupiter on October 1 and Uranus the following day, you receive information that may change your plans. The week concludes with relationship planets Venus and Mars joining each other in a conjunction in passionate Scorpio, so be ready to rekindle an existing romance or meet the love of your life!
( now, how fashion's love with the color blue has infected my view of the world, the new 'the departed' called 'the town,' and how chanel took the best of both for its new commercial... )
| Date: | 2010-09-01 04:37 |
| Subject: | inception |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  alive |
"i didn't mean to turn you on." my mind is a spindle of cultural influences and inspirations and it takes me quite some time to simply commit my thoughts to words here despite it all. and i don't know what made me think of it, but in one moment i had nothing to write, and in the next moment i found myself mumbling the robert palmer standard-bearer, "i didn't mean to turn you on," and suddenly, i'm switching off my late summer reality television and putting in the "evening" dvd that always puts me in that joyous melancholy i enjoy and lighting a two year old pier one imports candle and we're here. i'm blue these days despite it all, but in a very good way. i'm giddy because i've committed to buying new furniture tomorrow, two sets of nesting tables i plan to use as both end tables and a coffee table if my idea executes correctly, and maybe even get my clothes out of the cleaners from the flooding incident, but i think not. the problem with my life at the moment, though i go about it with no complaints, remains some of the uncertainty and the under-funded nature of it. in other years, i would've splurged on my ysl loafers when they went half off. my place would have been full furnished from the start. my glasses wouldn't sit at the opticians. i would be going out every weekend without fail. but these days, i have to do more with less and although i'm writing again, i haven't caught my stride as i don't have an outline, but it comes to me the more i write and that's refreshing. two weekends ago, i went on a date with someone who in personality reminded me of my good friend sabrina and who in appearance and manner reminded me of my favorite aunt sandra, but who absolutely did nothing for me whatsoever in the attraction department. seriously, i found myself both gratified at still having a knack for the thing -- that is, the date went seamlessly from a planning and execution standpoint what with the initial meeting at panera bread, the core of the date at cobb cinebistro in hyde park which is the nicest movie theater i've been to in my life, and then a nice little nosh at bella's in hyde park -- but it went completely wrong at every pitstop with my date's late arrival at panera making me look at every single other person there with some level of attraction, with my having to pay for the movie, which i just don't do on a date unless i'm head-over-heels -- a la the stockbroker -- attracted to someone, and then dinner which i didn't want to have because i wanted it to end at the movies. literally, at the end of the date, we shook hands. it seemed appropriate since i had been working to keep my mouth shut and be nice for five straight hours. it was transactional. besides, i thought it was cancelled given the "my grandmother's really sick" text message i got just a couple of days before. now, i went on the date mainly because of the ease of it: i got messaged on plentyoffish.com although i haven't gone onto that site in weeks and wee set up something for that week. easy. done. and on the phone, i got transported back to those great moments i have with my friend sabrina where we can talk about any and everything and just be real. the clincher however was that my date had an "in" to a social group known as "the last supper" that i've been wanting to go to for four years now. now, let me break down why the movie part of the evening fell apart: first, at the ticket office, i had to pay. and i didn't take money out because i don't take money out, but it was like who's going to flinch first and i winced first so that's that. second, who knew i signed up for a date with a non-drinker? this is one of the few "grown folks" theatres that has a quite trendy cocktail lounge in its lobby. yeah, not that we partook. third, the seats were basically a cozy leather loveseat with tables for cocktails and aperitifs, of which we had none. the couple sitting next to us had two rounds of drinks, popcorn (served in large glass bowls), and other treats. not only that, they were wonderful looking in that "we wear each others clothes" sort of way. i wish i could be on their date. seriously. but not this round. at dinner, we sat in a center table so that i could eat my pizza with my mortification. we had nothing to talk about because coversationalist i am except when i don't want to give the wrong impression. so i employed my look-away pat-answer coversation method that everyone who knows me know is very rude, but everyone who doesn't know me thinks is quite nice. when i say, "that's wonderful." or "that's funny." without laughing or "wow." and those are all of the responses i give you. be forewarned. so. that was that and i didn't call all week, but i kind of wanted to not burn the bridge so i texted once. once. and this the same day, i had the most awkward sexual experience i've had with the exsomeone in months. it was the sex that just didn't want to happen. seriously, my emotions and my sexuality will never separate themselves completely. but the film itself was good not because it relates to something to i'm going through or something going on in the world, but because it was such a tidy creative statement. and considering i don't think that a good plurality of people who saw it didn't get it (including the person with whom i saw the movie), i knew i would buy it on dvd. and this is how i know it's really a dud. my work week went as normal and i found a great plot twist during my three nights of work. i talked to my sister and rob and sabrina and jen and the exsomeone. and everyone spoke of love and woes and i found myself more emotionally caught up in what they had to say than anything happening in my own life. on monday, my date sent a text informing me about the grandmother actually dying and i replied in kind. we spoke today and i gave my sentiments and then rambled on about my end tables and my date blurted, "oh, now you're turning me on," and i said, "what? end tables? really?" and the date continued, "oh yeah," and i said, "oh you're being funny," writing it off and horrified because NO. as the song says, "i was only trying to be nice, only trying to be nice....oh" because, on sunday, i went to work overtime and found myself having to work twelve full hours with my work obsession from bulgaria. and in those twelve hours we worked together, i found myself fighting every primal urge from just reaching out with a hug to just pulling my pants down out of pure desperation. seriously, they say that ghb makes one's entire body feel like one big throbbing hard-on, but i didn't need it. it struck me around hour nine that this new obssession of mine really reminded me physically of one of the first crushes i ever had in college who i not so long ago visited in brooklyn. this one's brunette and not blonde however. it struck me even as i had to work three more hours. of course, because this is my life, said obsession is of course engaged and set to return to bulgaria next year, but i got quite a bit of fuel for writing. that and one of the managers there signaled that i may have the promotion i applied for. but yeah, there's no way there's any hope for that sad, sad little date i had when it would take but a side look from my bulgarian to set my soul blue on fire. "i didn't mean to turn you on," indeed
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Wednesday, September 1
If your social calendar is somewhat barren, it's time for you to get busy. People who have got lots going on are just more alluring -- plus it should give you lots of fascinating topics to talk about.
( now, for the continuing obsession with the color blue in fashion, the blue mighty morphin' power ranger's story, the problem with construction in new york city of any stripe, and the blue-eyed soul's 'i didn't mean to turn you on,' three ways. )
| Date: | 2010-08-07 10:21 |
| Subject: | any which way |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  bouncy |
Daily Single's Horoscope for Friday, August 6
Your stories, jokes and patter are all extra engaging now -- and you're extra hot, too! Work your flirty energy, whether you're online or face to face. Your timing couldn't be better.
i don't know how after a week in new york, the thing that moves me to write stands as a new work crush but hey, whatever it takes right: and yes, i know i always have infatuations at work and yes, my primary crush remains the bulgarian who has this lithe limber body and eastern european coloring that makes my eyes cross, but last night as i walked into work, i followed behind this latin morsel who wore the most form-fitting jeans -- i think they were gap jeans which shows how much i salivated since i never find anything below the two hundred pricepoint attractive -- i've ever seen in a work environment. i tried not to gawk outright but i couldn't help it in the end and when i held the door open for said crush, i might have flushed just a little after the "thank yous" exchanged. and then, as i left today, i saw the crush once more and i got a "hey, what's up man" and i never thanked my stars more for my dark pigmentation as i flushed and became blotchy with my attraction.
but then again, it might just be my time of the month as i sat in a class this evening at work and i had to manage my physical excitement over the new teacher we had who clearly shared something in commmon with i and who wore an outfit which my eyes so quickly unpeeled that perhaps, it is just my time of the month. and why? well, i immersed myself in two cities saturated through with eligibles and did not manage to get even one into bed with me. i don't know if that should stand as a goal as i'm truly living the thirtieth year i've always wanted with five leisure trips -- i've just confirmed peru; this year i've been to mexico city, miami, toronto, and new york, with chicago on deck for october -- and great wardrobe buys -- that is jeans: one pair of true religions, one pair of rock and republics, and next, a pair of citizens of humanity sid od4s if they don't sell out; although i STILL haven't gotten my YSLs despite they being 50% off -- despite it all. wouldn't it be great to have love as the icing on the cake for my year? and secretly, it's been in the back of my mind on each trip yet i'm determined not to let the lack thereof hold my thirtieth year back. i didn't let it sway me from visiting toronto and i didn't let it dominate my trip to new york.
and i suppose i should get to that. i've determined that one thousand dollars is just about enough to have a good weekend in new york city in a recession. because seriously, i found myself FLAT BROKE by monday. i arrived on friday quite late since i completely did not understand that i should get on the train INTO the city as i stood on the platform with all of the BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE who were all headed to the hamptons by train and if these people -- vuitton and miu miu clad hipsters and fashionistas alike -- and after initial moments of re-acquaintance, jen and i proceeded back to her apartment and the heavens opened up for the first day of five (of the seven i was there) soaking any plans to go downtown. we went to sojourn which is basically ceviche but so much better environment and selection and everything but what i loved is that this is a corner restaurant in new york. seriously, ceviche here is "ceviche" there it's "let's just run to sojourn up the street." after sojourn, we went to manny's this dive bar near harlem where i got so drunk i vomited over the beerpong table, and then we decamped off to the toolbox where i hit on one-half of a couple on a date which i feel so embarrassed about but given there was nakedness dancing about on top of the bar, i hardly feel like i compromised myself too much. on saturday, we went shopping all day long -- did i mention i love summer sales in new york city? -- and got separated in midtown. that night, we celebrated my friend sara's thirtieth birthday with her D.C. friends and her husband at this lower east side hidden gem of a restaurant called sushi uo where the sushi chef from morimoto and i had the most amazing sushi i have had in years if not ever. after sushi uo, we tromped off to above allen, the little venue on the seventh floor of the thompson les hotel. the lobby off that hotel literally took my breath away, but the venue left a little lacking although the two bottles made up for it. the music mix literally was like a playlist of the music inside of my mind. just edgy enough to declare itself new york, but accessible enough to please the crowd of non-new yorkers. and between mgmt's electric feel and that akon song, i was literally in heaven, BUT THEN IT STARTED TO TORRENTIALLY RAIN! and i don't remember what song played at the time, but i remember thinking -- as all of the revelers ran in from outside into this perfect crush of a party -- this is the best possible party ever! then, sara's husband decided to pay for everything and i felt bad, but it made it even better -- and even more embarrassing that i spent all of my money in the weekend -- but it was a great night out and somehow we wound up at libation with some other college friends -- one of whom i've hooked up with and one of whom i wanted to for several years including this one, but i get ahead of my story -- and then apparently we went to this diner called remedy -- where i spent seventy dollars and i don't know how -- and then we went home. on sunday, we went to perry street (the restaurant and the street) for brunch and as i got out of the cab, i literally slammed the door into a maserati parked on the street in the meat packing (although perry street is in the far west village). the perry street restaurant stands as one of those new york restaurant that will forever be institutionalized in my mind. it's not quite the inside of my mind, but it was clearly the inside of nicole kidman's mind inside of her building. all of the food unfolded as a wonderful surprise and the cocktails so perfect that it made me a fan of makers' mark. after perry street, we went shopping in the village and i picked up stuff for chicago at reiss and marc jacobs. after shopping, we caught the subway to brooklyn to visit with the college friends we saw the night before. the couple got together right when i left ohio state and they got domestic partnered so we all wanted to celebrate, but seriously, williamsburg was a revelation. it was not only like almost in manhattan it was so close, but when we got off, i don't know if they handed out crazy outfits or if there was a store just off the subway, but everyone immediately looked crazy. you see, this isn't "oh they were brooklyn chic" in that trucker pabst blue ribbon vintage tee way, this was WILDLY CRAZY WHERE ON EARTH DID THEY FIND THESE CLOTHES outfits. but more on that later: our college friends lived right near the subway stop on the entire floor of this building with a backyard -- therein lies the difference between manhattan and the burroughs right there. but we went to metropolitan which is nothing like the title. it's called metropolitan because it's on metropolitan avenue which is not metropolitan at all. we walked there and there was ACTUAL graffiti. something oddly lacking in manhattan i come to realize despite eighties' stereotypes. and people smoking pot on the street. and then we get to this bar that has a cookout and i stood out as conservative in skinny jeans and floral tuxedo shirt. seriously, there was a girl with a faux-hawk that was permed and half dyed and in a cut off tyrannosaurus rex sweatshirt and hot dog print shorts that had a bleach stain. and this was just one girl. and the weird thing? they matched. and she wore combat boots. at the table next to ours a guy wore a trucker hat that said diesel, but in a non-diesel cheesy way that would make you think it's referring to the crude, but it actually diesel, like the store on fifth avenue. like how did he find the one piece of not-intentionally-and-ostentatiously-edgy diesel ever? anyway, i had six strawberry daiquiris and we proceeded back to their apartment and i changed for greenhouse this club in the city. the shirt said "fuck what you heard" and proved very popular over the course of the night and then we landed at greenhouse and over a hundred dollars in drinks later, i found myself having the best time i have had all year out. and that's when "any which way" bore itself into subconscious. seriously, the floor was packed, the people were beautiful -- and mostly in shorts -- and after a while everyone left except for me and my college buddy who i once entertained a epic heart wrenching crush over and i'm not sure why we left, but we did and i remember thinking this old college buddy quite attractive even after all of these years, and that's that. for the rest of the week, i did the tourist thing because i was SOSOSOSOSOSOSO broke. on monday, i went to the guggenheim where i found myself haunted literally and figuratively (this was the name of the exhibit). on tuesday, i went to columbus circle, and shopping (i know, right), and then to the movies on the upper west side (i needed to see the empire hotel) and i saw "the kids are all right" where i identified most with tanya, mark ruffalo's african-american worldwise lover (not only because of my obsession with the actors in that relationship but also because of the way it showed how interracial coupling has become such a non-issue in the forty three years since the loving v. virginia case that it remained a non-controversial part of this film). so. definitely buying that movie. i then went to the high-line and took in the views there for a few hours getting inspired. i then met jen at playwright's near her office and we got drunk plus and then went to b bar for their beige event which still happens all these years later with its ensemble of delectable eligibles and then we went home because we were both broke. on wednesday, i did nothing because i was so broke and spent my whitney money on drinks at b bar. regrettable, i realize. on thursday, i went to the new museum in the east village and then down into soho and discovered my new favorite street, crosby street, and then went further down into tribeca, which i insist must be a figment of my imagination as WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE?! ever?! seriously. but then, i went up to the west village again, i don't know why since i had no money to reinvest at reiss although i really wanted to and because the sales clerk there complimented my floral tuxedo shirt when i went before but i did cruise down christopher street and found that it combined with grove street which i found very cheeky and ironical and then i went to trader joe's because we don't have one here and then to the balenciaga store which was so far away my feet cried and then back to jen's apartment for a quick sprettzaturra of tom ford and then all the way back to the east village for indian food for my final night send off. the next day, i took the subway to the airport -- a few more of these trips and i could almost pull off halfway new yorker -- and came home.
my sister marveled at my "brooklyn chic" look and i told her....you have NO idea how calm and sedated my look -- plaid shirt, skinny diesels, high tops -- came in compared to those freaks i saw! since i texted the exsomeone numerous times in manhattan with no response, i did not call when i got back because i felt wierd about the lack of response and i needed to sew up my peru trip anyway -- i'm going with my formerly favorite coworker and her peruvian fiance who has a family home down there -- but when i talked to the exsomeone -- i'll advised, but i caved -- i got informed that the exsomeone had also gone out of town. and not alone. so.
as the country, at least those on my side of the marriage equality fight, waxed over-joyed at the perry v. swarzenegger ruling, i once again find myself without even a prospect to capitalize on that joy. so. yeah. but it's good that it happened and it's good that the massachusetts case also went through because it means the supreme court will have a couple of cases to consider when it finally considers them.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Saturday, August 7
Dream on -- your subconscious is packed full of emotional lessons that haven't quite hit your mental space yet. Pay closer attention to your own inner workings and learn something new about yourself.
( i love it when our culture and our politics coincide in this beautiful way: not only did we receive a film that gave life to the issue at hand in california specifically, but it prepared our mental palates in a way for the court victory that followed. )
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/us/28marriage.html
Fred Prouser/Reuters
Theodore B. Olson, at left at lectern, and David Boies, to the right, at a news conference on Wednesday announcing their lawsuit.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Friday, July 16
Save the serious work for your on-the-job projects -- when it comes to your love life now, it's best for you to take it as it comes and let things just evolve, rather than out-thinking yourself.
i don't know if it's the ketosis or the lack of sustained stimulating television or the fact that i'm actually living life instead of just writing about it, but i have found it near impossible to post about the last month of my life despite so much to write about. well, ostensibly. it wasn't until i heard erykah badu's "window seat" in my car driving home from work one morning that i found the emotional core to the thing i've felt for quite some time. life is good. i find myself twittering with the energy i haven't had since i last went to new york. seriously, i don't know whether its the second job that drained it or economic hardships i've experienced since then -- between the car crash, the cut in pay, the loss of two jobs -- but honestly my life has lost the patina with which i maintain my sanity. it's a particular type of excessive living that helps me stay focused and keeps me writing and keeps a smile on my face and heads off the lonlieness i might otherwise feel and have felt lately. while i've kept a list for ages -- thankfully, i've been able to keep buying designer jeans with some regularity and flashy shirts and maintain appearances in the community -- i've come for the first time within arm's reach of actually acquiring things on my list. first, the ysl leopard print loafers HAVE FINALLY GONE ON SALE....seriously FIVE YEARS LATER! half off and i do intend to snap them up on august fourth no matter what. further, i think i can acquire my david yurman signature bangle after i've paid for the hawaii trip. perhaps right after i get back from boston next spring. and after my recent trip, i've added a third name to the list, the louis vuitton okapi bag in damier canvas. although, even as i write this post, i'm kind of thinking i might revise that to the louis vuitton bosphore in monogram canvas since i believe cristiano ronaldo has one. yes, i said it. i haven't caught world cup fever, but i cannot say that i'm so detached from the world that his recent exploits -- he even graced the cover of vanity fair -- did not intrigue me. first, the world cup stuff. then, the baby had by surrogacy. finally, the new york shopping trip.
anyways, i digress, but i'm drinking diet coke now and hopefully, that means i can finally finish this post because i leave for new york next week and i doubt i can press two trips into one post without it running over ten thousand words or something. besides, we've seen advancements in a number of arenas lately: first, we had a compelling ruling in the massachusetts case recently although they did not challenge the full faith and credit grounds which would effect the most change, second, argentina made waves by becoming the first south american country to institute marriage equality, making it the tenth country in the world to recognize the issue and the first in south america. and i have wanted to go there for a while -- perhaps this will serve as an impetus. it's partially ironic in my life because during pride this year here, i had a relatively drama-free experience what with barely anyone to go with and no real money to enjoy the occasion. after the parade, and lunch at tijuana flats, and a cursory trip to the only bar in town, my high school friend and i went to this private party where i met the most ideal person possible. a polyglot six times over with a passport stamped with countries in all four hemispheres. yeah. of course, nothing came about from it, but it did give me hope that this region isn't completely barren of hope. this polyglot walked with the outing and adventures group and should i ever get more disposable income, i might just join. to be honest, i had a lot of trepidation about my trip to toronto mainly because it's the first time i've traveled alone in this way. generlly, i'm meeting someone there or traveling with rob or alex, but for some reason none of those things worked out and i needed to go because i can't let my friends determine my life.
i left tampa in a hot pink shirt, pink striped hugo boss tie, dark seven jeans, with a passport, a sookie stackhouse novel, two suitcases, and all the confidence i could muster on my own. i landed in toronto and took a $54 cab ride in astounded by the scale of the city and how many people teemed in the streets and the bridges and at the stadiums and on the street corners. seriously, the city unveiled its size to me in a way that i did not see the first time. after i checked in my bed and breakfast -- formally called a guest house -- i went shopping on bloor for mixers and the like and socks since i forgot all of them at home. after i got home, i walked through the street festival for a bit and found myself slightly intimidated at the size of the pride festival. we're not in kansas anymore. seriously, church street had barricades blocking it off and hundreds of people danced in the street and drank openly like it was a movie set. i ran back to my room after feeling underdressed -- trovata polo and diesels -- because almost every single peer of worth i saw there had a vuitton murse. unlike times past, these were the big camera case that just looked tacky or a messenger bag, but a small compact bag worn on the shoulder blade or across the chest. just small enough for cash, a smart phone, and probably cards. most times matched with the whole tailored shorts, v-neck look. sometimes longer tailored short, short sleeve button up look. i changed into a bright orange and nudie combination that i test drove in miami last year -- "it's a recession!" -- with broges instead of trainers. when i walked into straight, i had one of those pure joy moments that i experience when i'm in the best place i can possibly be in that moment of the universe. the music, the people, the decor, the drinks were all so much better than i remember. so much more real. and while it took me a few minutes to get my drunk bearing, after a while i remember there was an attic edgy-space and i went up and got my dance on. not long after that i met someone and we danced for an hour and talked and i thought we might go home before i realized that this person didn't pass the three second test. after four more drinks, we parted company and i left the bar. after straight, i stumbled down the street to some sushi bar that became a dance club and danced with a couple of asian girls to michael jackson's pyt then went to woody's although i don't know why or when or how and then i made it back to straight i think, but i'm pretty sure i blacked out at this point because the next thing i remember is waking up on saturday afternoon regretful that i missed chaka khan's live concert. i pulled myself together -- balenciaga cardigan and nerd glasses -- and went shopping on bloor, then went to the street festival, then to the sushi store for the most amazing fast food sushi, then came back to the room, vegged out, then fell asleep. i awoke just in time to shower for the cyndi lauper concert in the park. after i got dressed, i had to walk about twenty minutes to get to queens park, and i had to wait for a full hour just to get into the event: the g20 upset from the week prior had increased security concerns and the buzz in the crowd reacted negatively because they thought the troublemakers in the g20 were mostly from quebec. anyway, she sung through a lot of her new material by the time i finally got in, but that's great because i'm pretty sure i didn't like it. by the time i got in and found a great place, she got into her old stuff and in another moment of absolute tear-jerking emotionalism, she started to sing "change of heart" and the words summed up so many things i felt at that moment, i almost had a complete breakdown right then and there. after she got through that and about five other songs, i left because i had plans to go to the restaurant "wish" that night and the kitchen closed at eleven. i made it about five minutes till eleven and ordered enough food and drink for a trio. i came home quite sober despite two paris mojitos and a delilah martini, and watched junk tv until i went to sleep. the next morning, i went down to the cn tower since the tourist in me wanted to see that the last time i went to toronto. after i went to the cn tower, i saw a group of people stnding outside of a hotel and when i inquired, they told me the motorcade of the queen of england should pull up any minute. well, as expected, she drove up with prince phillip and that cemented that this trip stood as one of the best experiences of my lifetime. i rode the subway back uptown to bloor where i went shopping again at zara and fcuk. i dropped my finds back at the hotel room and loaded up with three or four glasses of grey goose and then went to the parade. it was spectacularly edgy -- advocacy for sex workers lead the parade, followed by naked old people, punctuated by near riots over the palestinian-israeli issues. after the parade, i revisted the street festival and the sushi stop and then i hit the room for some good old fashioned canadian television and packing all of my shopping into my suitcases.
when i got back, i felt pretty invigorated mainly because i had pulled it off when i felt like everyone had actually thought i couldn't and i had a good time despite it all. i wished i had people there with me, but in the end, i needed it. after i got back, the exsomeone and i resumed our sex schedule commensurate with the time i had been away and i immediately began planning for new york since i don't really have the money to do it up the way i'd like.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Saturday, July 17
One romantic avenue may be closed off for now, or a certain possibility suddenly unavailable. Your job is to take it all in stride and recognize any other opportunities you could explore.
( now, for the case that signals upcoming victories in the marriage equality fight, my situational obsession apparently bleeds over to doppelgangers thereof, and adding argentina to the ranks of the netherlands, belgium, spain, canada, south africa, norway, sweden, portugal, and iceland. )
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/beauty/2010/05/dont-call-it-soccer---how-to-look-like-a-football-phenomenon
it's an ugly truth but the only reason i have the patience to post this morning comes from a reluctance to indulge a physical impulse that i feel might actually prove helpful and expressing all of my feelings about the events of the past weeks. however, although my last post found me swirling in a self-pitying whirlpool of lonliness and doubt, that furious cascade downward increased over the past two weeks as i got fired from pier one imports and my two best guy friends in the world told me they don't want to do new year's eve celebrations this year. i didn't ask why although i'm quite sure it has something to do with the matrimonial bliss overtaking my friends one by one like the swine flu. i won't deny my increasing bitterness, but i will say that there's an unpleasant irony in my disposition in that i've had blog post temper tantrums over the issue of marriage equality and its stabilizing effect on my community only to find myself slowly passed by as it has that societal effect on my friends and loved ones even as it passes over me untouched.
first things first, apparently my creativity and sales-at-all-cost management style did not fit in with my store manager's philosophy because i got fired for giving employee discount to two employees present in the room at the register. why? because of how one paid and who one input for the furniture delivery. could it be that i'm losing my edge? perhaps. did i fall victim to the salesman hubris that everything is okay as long as it results in great sales? possibly. but to get released from three years of sterling service over something so minor leads me to believe -- and my friends and loved ones for that matter -- that they just needed a reason to get rid of me. yes, my new job has severely limited my availability since january and a new manager got hired alongside me who basically had the availability i once had. despite my bitterness over the way things went down and my resentment that i didn't resign a long time ago when my schedule looked too precarious to continue moonlighting, all that i felt as i contemplated being fired from the first job in my entire life is a sense of relief. all of the missed opportunities socially and monetarily over the months suddenly seemed for naught. i could have met the okcupid suitor that no longer responds to my e-mails. i could have worked overtime that one week. so many things that i coulda, woulda, shoulda. and for what? eighty dollars a week and twenty five percent discount? as carrie said in the latest sex and the city movie, "i've been cheating on fashion with furniture." and yes, i live in a great apartment. and i have most of the furniture i want for my life. i just need end tables, two lamps, a bookshelf, and one picture from art.com to get some semblance of normalcy.
as for the sex and the city movie, i did see it with my sister and we had good laughs despite thinking that the first one WAS SO MUCH BETTER. but i said, how could they send us through that emotional rollercoaster again. realistically. seriously. i'd have loved for the movie to go there in a serious and realistic way, but it seemed that they made the judgement call that in such serious times, people just want to escape into a bowl full of icing. louis vuitton icing, that is. and that same week, i got my true blood season two dvds -- pre-ordered eons ago -- and the first of the sookie stackhouse novels and found myself amazed and surprised at just how little time had passed. and as i re-watched both season one and two and then watched the season three premiere tonight, i found that almost NO TIME has passed since the very first episode and the very first season. on last night's episode, i found myself actually getting physically excited at a cinematic flirtation between two of the principle characters. seriously, having listened to the commentaries, i know the show producers want the audience to entertain attractions between all of the characters on the show and all of the mains involved in the love triangle/square/whatever-you-call-it but this is the first time they did it in a way to problematize that and make us say, "are they really going to go there?" but like a classical concerto, now that they have taken us through an emphatic first movement, and a dreamy and transportive second movement, we now get to the fast paced and endlessly dramatic third. and when i heard the "i hear the water in arkansas is very....hard" line, i actually blushed. one wonders, however, why some of the main leads aren't made to "fully committ" at the same level as some of the extras. and as uncouth as it is to dwell on this topic in the midst of worldwide trouble on a night that hosted actual cultural events like the tonys and the world cup, i'm just sayin': "we see everything else."
speaking of everything else, the exsomeone and i have spent a lot of time talking lately which is nothing new, but i found myself curious about the fact that the exsomeone came over soon after i got fired from pier one and did something quite selfless and then left. not that it's the first time but normally there's some expectation of reciprocation although there were all of those months where i left without coming to my natural conclusion, but it just seemed different and because sunday night television tends to get me to spill my emotions, i gave a little soliloquy about how much worse my thirtieth year has progressed with not only my fears about my toronto trip and the cancellation of my new years' trip and the lack of any real progress in improving my income, but expressed the slightest bit of jealousy -- if not some wierd competitiveness -- over the conquests i know my exsomeone still has. and i KNOW it's only because i haven't met anyone. and i have no plans to as i have committed to actually doing things that make me happy like traveling -- toronto in two weeks, new york in about a month, perhaps miami/ft. lauderdale for labor day, chicago in october, and circling back to boston in march, before hawaii next september -- and buying new clothes and cologne -- i recently acquired the rock and republic colburg's i've been wanting forever and some rich and skinnies and tom ford grey vetiver (yes, although i don't know how i'll afford to replenish my tom ford for men, m7, and gucci pour homme that have all run out, and acquire BANG by marc jacobs for new york and tom ford extreme). and although i got a couple of good movies recently -- "breakfast with scot" and "the detective" -- i have fallen way behind with my collecting as money is tight and not to mention that i can't really afford my subscription to bergdorf goodman magazine which raised their price to fifty dollars per year. but i have so many movies and shows that i can keep myself entertained and given my free time, i actually plan to clean the back room and maybe make room for an exercise bicycle.
speaking of exercise, my formerly favorite coworker who lives in miami has announced her engagement with plans to marry in st. lucia so that sent me into a tailspin on friday night landing me alone at ceviche guzzling martinis and overpriced scallops. but it makes me happy because i feel a certain kinship with her as i do with my other friends so i feel like it's just a matter of time. but then again, they all live in slightly more cosmopolitan environs. and all have met decidedly -- at least from the descriptions i hear -- unaffected personalities that i hope to run into right here at home. what else? with the great things going on with true blood, i am frantic to see "mad men" although i've been meditating a bit too much on the firing scene of salvatore romano and using it as a odd and uncomfortable symbol for the two times i've been let go from my jobs uncerimoniously. interestingly, marriage equality advanced since i last wrote and although the democrats look in peril as far as election go, the four points promised in the agenda -- hate crimes, enda, dadt repeal, and doma repeal -- look so close that it's hopeful even if they lose the reigns in november. also, my state has gotten interesting with not only an indepedent crist leading in the polls, but with the entree of bud chiles -- son of the late popular democratic governor lawton chiles -- as an independent in the governor's race. also, the fact that jeff greene is causing headaches for kendrick meek in the democratic primary for senate and rick scott beating out mccollum in the republican primary for governor. and while everyone had something to say with super-tuesday light this week, i honestly did not see any surprises outside of the mysterious south carolina guy. then again, it's south carolina. but enough about that. i rant because i have nothing better to do at the moment.
Celebrate! Take advantage!
The relationship planet Venus enters fun-loving Leo on June 14; it immediately trines independent Uranus on the same day and Jupiter on June 15. Even the intense quincunx to Pluto on June 15 can't diminish such hopeful aspects! You'll feel like you can do anything you set your mind to as Mars trines resourceful Pluto, also on June 15. The week ends with the Sun squaring Saturn and trining Neptune on June 19, when a necessary reality check helps you make the most of the support you have available.
For a wealth of info on what these transits mean and how they'll affect your week, read The Stars This Week!
( so onto my continuing obsession with the situation despite troubling comparisons and the marriage victory and volcanic troubles in iceland and worldwide. )
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/8629725.stm
Earlier Marco Fulle captured this picture of the ash and lightning above Eyjafjallajokull. the picture was shot from 15 miles (25km) away using a two-minute exposure.
| Date: | 2010-05-17 09:45 |
| Subject: | the situation |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  blank |
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Monday, May 17
You need to take charge of your love life now. Letting the hotties come to you may feel more natural, but your energy is better used to put yourself out there. You are sure to dazzle!
cassis. push. the only bar in town. ceviche. it sometimes depresses me to think that i may not have anything to report after a month's time has elapsed. what has my life become when i remember having so much to report after one weekend that my livejournal grew so full that i posted multiple times a day about every aspect of fashion and politics. while i can honestly say i stuffed more nights out into my one night -- events and personalties compressed into one small casing of a night -- but it did nothing more than whet my appetite for more nights like that and the shadow of the former life i once lead. but more than the night, in the absence of all else, because one of the crazy byproducts of my work schedule remains the absolute lonliness it's breeding inside of me. yesterday on the phone, i flippantly but probably honestly told rob, "i've just decided to live my life as if i'll always be alone." and with rob reneging on toronto and my sister reneging on my birthday and a half year almost past without any plans toward new years, it's the year of my solitude. the saddening response to my call for help to rob was, "well maybe that's a good thing." yes, i live in a world where my two best gay friends tripped the light fantastic toward a world of matrimonial bliss where i flub even a internet meeting with someone. and then, upon going out on friday night, i ask, "do i look skinny?" and my sister replies, "you look skinny, but unfit." and then, finally, i went over to the exsomeone's this evening just to catch up: nothing sexual and i found out later that the exsomeone went to the keys last summer not that it's any of my business, but it's just one of those things where i'm continually baffled how i'm disconnected even from those i'm supposedly connected to. i guess that's life. cats and candles and all that.
but let's get on to friday, because that's the only thing that's keeping me sane. i have missed nights out like sunday. as i remarked to my exsomeone, and to rob, and to every other person i've talked to about friday, it astounds me how frequently i used to go out given how much money it cost me on friday night for just one of the epic nights i used to have two or three times a week with another two or three happy hours tucked in to spare and dinner out every night. and not to mcdonalds either. but yes, i've promised my sister a night out and as wierd and incesty as that sounds, my sister and i have always had the best times out together since her earliest days in high school, but i made late reservations at the new french restaurant in town, cassis, and got our names on the guest list at push. so my sister had this multiple outfit issue that really pushed our timeline to the limit and we got to the restaurant around quarter to ten: this place stood as a place so fabulous and delightful that it gave the the feeling that i had when i first went to bella brava and i had their signature martini which basically was a french martini -- it's amazing how much things have come full circle seeing as i drank those when i first moved here -- and i had the duck leg confit and my sister had the burger and we shared calimari which did not taste good at all and after two cocktails and an eternity waiting on the check, we raced back to my apartment -- the glory of living downtown -- and she changed and did her hair and we then raced to push. now, i must say, i looked damn good by my own accounts: french collared brown striped shirt, brown striped lanvin skinny tie, dark true religions, kenneth cole boots, and my linea pelle belt. a seriously excecuted outfit that garnered just the type of looks i pray for when i go out. so we make it to push and it's decent crowd and my sister's working the black on black with big jewelry and near afro natural look and i see an unemployed jounralist who knew me last year before i got laid off and we stayed there for about an hour and a fifty dollar bar tab and i fell in love with the dj not for the music but because of a faux chanel tee shirt. it takes so little. afterward we went to the only bar in town and seeing as my sister had never been to a place for people like me it was an experience and of course we wound up ordering food -- who honestly orders food at a bar? -- and we sat there -- it was a blah night anyway -- and i introduced her to the regular players and to my world at large. she had a ball and we left and i was quite tipsy -- two cassis martinis (which were made with champagne btw), two flutes of champagne as push pregame, two grey goose cranberries at push, two absolute cranberries at the only bar in town -- so what do we do? we celebrate that bars stay open until three by deciding to go ceviche and get some scallops and a nightcap disguised as a dirty grey goose martini with blue cheese stuffed olives.
the next day i was supposed to go to a birthday party, but i reveled in a sweet hangover and divine moment of clarity thinking that i need to get back to this life as i once knew it. besides that, i'm still mulling whether i have the time or the wherewithal to volunteer for the crist campaign. i have no romantic or professional prospects. in my flurry of spending money this week -- on a toronto hotel, true blood season two, the detective, breakfast with scot (research for toronto), the new sade cd, a love to hide (because i need a good romance in my life), a fry daddy (because it's too hard finding fries when i get off work), the first sookie stackhouse novel, dead after dark, dry cleaning, a few hundred dollars in groceries (it's sick i know), enough aleve, sleeping pills, and light bulbs to last me a lifetime, back issues of w magazine and vman, -- i neglected to get my par of rock and republic colburg in veto nor new shirts from banana nor the suit from armani nor the prada shirt i've been eyeing for new york. yeah. this is a laundry list of my life. cats and candles. i have a situation and i don't know how to get out of it.
addendum: as a result of my sadness, i've reached out to the person i met in mexico city, the okcupid match, and eyed a new job within the company. and it reminded me that my sister had a very strange dream about me adopting a mixed-race baby girl....
( now for dreams of saint tropez and perhaps being rescued by a white knight on a motorcyle. oh yeah, there's something to be said about this elena kagan being gay thing and i'm not quite sure what it is yet. oh yeah, and portugal joins the netherlands, belgium, spain, canada, south africa, norway, and sweden... )
http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20366027_12,00.html
A WET 'SITUATION'
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino fixes his signature gui-do after a dip at Miami Beach, where he's shooting the new season of Jersey Shore on Sunday.
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mikeijames's journal
have to stay up to go to sleep
pensive
jubilant
emotionally drained
horny
falling...
finally catching up!
cautiously optimistic
nervous
needing to purge
apathetic
