| Date: | 2010-04-24 10:16 |
| Subject: | "school business" |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  letting the unisom take hold |
don't ask me how this emotional/anecdotal recipe leads me to the moment where i decide finally to post but it does. this morning, my father called me and said that last night, for the first time in his life, he dreamed of me as an adult. prior to last night, he's always dreamt of me as a child or as his brother -- with whom i have quite a bit in common. this recession, though waning and letting up off of us, has put many of us, myself in particular, in a position where we feel that every aspect of our lives and every choice that we make feels so monumental that one wrong turn means absolute ruin. if i cash in my retirement to live, will i never build a nest egg again; if i take this job opportunity, will i never be able to work in my old industry again; if i go out this one time, will i set expectations among my social peers that i can afford the lifestyle i once had; if i don't go out, will they write me out of their lives completely? my crazy schedule has clarified some things: it has distilled my relationship with the exsomeone to its fundamentals: quickies and conversation. it's pushed me to meet people electronically -- although not successfully as i talked with my okcupid.com suitor for two weeks but my schedule has prevented us from meeting twice and now phone calls have fallen off -- and it's made me choose my times out with such care and thought that i haven't had one bad night out yet this year (compare this post to the endless i-had-yet-another-bad-night posts from when i found myself flush with money and time to go out): on sunday, i found myself ready to drive to davenport to meet my okcupid suitor when i received a text message from the okcupid suitor stating that a situation came up with a girlfriend and the suitor had to care for that girlfriend's child while she resolved that situation, but that i'm more than welcome to drive up and dine with the two of them. thanks, but no thanks. and because it's my life, soon thereafter, without prompting or expectation, the p.r. girl sent me a text asking if i wanted to come out for a drink at flamingo. so i managed to put myself into a skinny-making outfit -- who knew that my old rock and republics make me look drug-addict-skinny -- and when i showed up for the bar, i immediately ran into my old flirtatious coworker who lets slip a happy transition to a newspaper down south not even three months after being laid off, which made me feel silly for only having the position i have almost one full year after my layoff. anywho. after that i found the p.r. girl and her roommate and caught up and imbibed and in between drink two and three and getting in the music and checking out all of the people i've never seen before because i don't go out anymore and meeting all the new bartenders i don't know because i don't go out anymore and then this very cute skinny something who i have always known casually came up because we're always friendly when drunk but this time this casual acquaintance wore the whole it's-sunday blue-blazer-and-khaki situation and came up bragging about just coming here after a date. after the third time, we bit: where is your date? where did you go? who is your date? and it's at this point this casual acquaintance gloats, the governor. of course, i, in the state of inebriation, jump up and howl, just howl and cry. i mean, there are pictures with them together and the business card with personal numbers scrawled on the back. after composing myself, i break it down logically. this acquaintance is a teacher. i ask, "so you went to a fundraiser" and of course, and despite the personal attention, it makes so much sense because of the controversial veto the governor had just levied on senate bill six which would have effectively ended what little teacher tenure we had in this state. this signaled an independent run fro senate because every republican down here wanted the bill to pass including marco rubio. now, for the record, the exsomeone is also a teacher, and just the night before i had had a quickie -- the quickest quickie mind you clocking in at about fifteen minutes from in the door to back in my car -- and when i asked about plans for tomorrow, the exsomeone indicated going out of town all day on "school business" which sounded suspect given how much the exsomeone has been sleeping around lately -- and i've asked the exsomeone so many times about how senate bill six would effect teachers but to no avail and now education seems to be the watershed issue for the governor. politically, one of my biggest regrets as a voter came in not voting for mr. crist because he's really my kind of republican and should he run as an independent, i might have to follow in his stead. anywho. if only the night had ended there, after that i went to the only bar in town and after the p.r. girl left -- it was a "school night" as we call them -- i hung out with the heir of a prominent insurance company in our area. after three rounds more (for a total of six at this point) and five shots later, i found myself dancing in a sweat soup of strippers, drag queens, a crazy girl, escorts and yeah. that's when i blacked out. fun night though. and then, on thursday, i went to a birthday party with my lawyer friend at the venue -- it was college night; yuck -- and then to applebees where they talked about black politics and i refused to get engaged because of just how far my views would've seemed. i think that's it. the unisom is really setting in now and i don't have the energy to discuss just how much i'm bouncing around the idea of working for pier 1 full time or causing a ruckus at my night job.
Review!
Take advantage of opportunities!
Take the initiative when a new Moon in pioneering Aries begins the week on April 14. Just remember that you'll be returning to old conversations and ideas when Mercury turns retrograde in earthy Taurus on April 17. The Sun sextiles spiritual Neptune on April 18, when you'll have plenty of opportunities to further your goals!
( now, more about those problems holding up our system of education -- there's a part of me that wants it all privatized -- and how it bleeds into the social issues that continue to divide us. oh yeah, and a completely gratuitous video of my favorite, ricky martin.Collapse )
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Tuesday, April 6
Those clouds in your head may be pretty, but there are also some rather sweet real-life possibilities now -- if you don't miss them! Focus on reality as much as you can, though your optimism may color things.
i should really make this quick since i'm using up my half hour lunch break to type out this post, but i'm pretty sure i've committed something of a social suicide once again by my drunken actions this weekend. granted, i have taken a month long break from the local scene and while i didn't make a complete fool of myself over the stockbroker and whatever trollop to whom the stockbroker chose to introduce me, i managed to mistake simple curiosity with out and out attraction and made my "i'm here to recruit you" instinct completely take over. it started with my last friday night off for the forseeable future coming about. it's first friday and i have a little bit of money in my pocket -- although, rightly, it belonged to my condo complex -- and i decided that sitting at home drinking a cheap cabernet merlot mix and listening to pandora radio would not suffice as a way to spend my last night of freedom for all intents and purposes. so. taking advice from my new york friend, i jump onto okcupid.com and update my profile -- it's really odd to find out one's ambitions wants and desires as expressed in old personals' profiles from years and years past -- and within minutes i meet someone who i hope soon to call my new beau. owing to the pictures and e-chat conversation we had, we're a match. a good match. i'm turned on. and it's rare to find someone who can keep up with me in conversation. i feel it's owing to the fact that this new match is from los angeles. and being nine years older than me makes it right in my arena since apparently i only do older these days. so after i made that connection and this connection had to go because of dinner party plans with friends -- this connection is from davenport, florida (a hike by my standards) -- i felt that oneupmanship -- not that i ever really act on that impulse -- to go out myself and make a go of it. so i sent a text to my friend, the p.r. girl, and found her right up the street at our monthly downtown street festival "first fridays": we agreed to meet up at push but once they got there, we all agreed to just head on over to the only bar in town. well. seeing as i had made my way through a bottle of wine at home, i could not in good conscious drive so they drove and when i got in the car, i immediately knew the p.r. girl and her new roommate of late the naval officer who my high school friend hooked up with a couple of disneys ago. however, who i didn't know was this out and out looker in the front seat -- one of those olive skinned, perfectly groomed, midwestern cornfed types -- and in the backseat this presumably similar friend. at first, i thought, "oh, the p.r. girl has made new friends like me," but then it got revealed that she's dating/sleeping with the one in the front seat and the one in the backseat remains just a platonic coworker of the two of them -- the p.r. girl actually has a new job at a cruise line with the two of them so it's really like an office night out with roommate and her other friend -- so i don't know if it was just being sociable or what but as the night progressed, i caught up with the p.r. girl and kept talking with these two new initiates and found that the one from the backseat and i had good conversation. and then we danced. and then i found myself confused because i thought the signals pretty clear but everyone told me it's simply not possible for us to connect in a sexual way as our interests diverged. yeah. very confusing. so the night progressed -- and, i don't know where this came from -- as i drank more, i began this mission to prove my point of view. first, it started with buying the backseater drinks and dancing closer and closer and eventually when we left (this is a fog) apparently i made a move. and continued to make moves. until eventually the p.r. girl told me that i need to back off because i'm wierding out her beau. i backed off and another one of our friends jumped in as a white night to offer us rides home. i did. and woke up the next morning completely unaware of what happened the night before or how far it had really gone. apparently, the p.r. girl invited me to easter dinner and i accepted and the next day at pier one i just fretted over the idea that i had gone from meeting no one to meeting two people in wildly different ways the night before. and the fact that despite all of the mixed signals, that just being wrapped up in that whole proximity infatuation thing really made me feel younger. it's been eons since i found myself attracted to someone below my age. especially someone THAT below my age. i mean, we're talking like my little sister's age. but it made me wonder because it's THE EXACT SAME SITUATION IN REVERSE for the suitor i met on okcupid.com just a couple hours earlier (who i still need to call or e-mail or something). so. i did myself up for easter -- pink j.crew polo and new dark true religious and madras flip flops -- and went over to the p.r. girl's for easter dinner with two gallon-like sized bottles of barefoot just in case the backseater came. thankfully, it was just friends and family and i had a great time although all of the intimations about "we had to protect [the backseater]" and "we had to have a talk about whether we should intervene with [the backseater]" makes me wonder if i did something REALLY bad. the story is left untold. needless to say that it has left me feeling both equally good and equally bad and i don't really know how to deal with that. i mean, should i send an apologetic text message? i mean i did get the phone number (who gives their phone number to someone they're not interested in?)? or should i just let it go? i mean, i don't want my friends to think i'm a sexual predator! i mean, i don't even usually like anyone that young. that's my dilemma. although i'm pretty sure my financial situation will prohibit me acting on much or going out anytime soon to make the situation worse.
addendum: and then i get home and see that not only has my okcupid.com suitor written back again, but someone from yahoo!personals has also written me. something's in the air here.
( these days i've found myself that it's not just the republican and democratic parties that use sex scandals for political advantage, but the age old battle between the anglican communion and the vatican seems to employ the same tactics in the face of similar demographic shifts. don't ask me what reminded me of this story....Collapse )
http://www.boston.com/news/world/europe/articles/2010/04/05/hierarchy_rallies_behind_pope_at_easter_mass/
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Sunday, March 28
Sit back and enjoy the ride. When you're not so intent on the destination, you'll find that the journey itself becomes the point. And if someone attractive sits next to you and strikes up a conversation, all the better.
it's just like me to learn the wrong lessons from events and to take the wrong example from persons. i've always fascinated myself -- especially in my twenties -- with the oblivious rich who have some staff to protect them from the realities of the world asking that staff about something so obvious to the rest of us. it's the young girl talking to her family physician about her racing heart and the doctor obliged not to ask about her cocaine habit. well, in the same way, i've taken the lesson that every time i go to miami something bad happens with my job. or that public policy and the national discourse has really hit its stride only when those on the fringes cannot control themselves in anger. or that sandra bullock has hit her apex not because she's won her first oscar but because her husband has embarrassed her in such a way. let's start there: seriously, while america has entered one of those phases of obsessing over the unhappiness in other people's marriages and while sometimes even i find myself caught up in the flap -- especially when it involves the closetedness of some of the most prominent -- i generally find myself uninterested in stories like that of tiger woods or others because it's frankly just not that interesting, unique, or original. athlete cheats on his wife with blonde trifle? really? i don't care who it is: there's no one that good. it's public relations. if anyone purports that sort of goodness, they either find themselves in a lie or they set themselves up for a fall. however, this years oscars felt like the charity oscars what with the hurt locker winning -- from my little detached perch -- as a favor to james cameron's ex-wife or the oscar to jeff bridges because he deserves it but not necessarily for that film. and, of course, we had the bows to the writer and supporting actress of precious because you know, there's almost a quota with this crowd. not that i'm complaining. just stating the facts. however, the biggest act of professional philanthropy came with sandra bullock for "the blind side" a movie that i may just see for the irony of the title given recent events. first, let me just say, sanda bullock has had a remarkable career when one actually thinks this is the girl who broke through into the national consciousness with "speed" -- my mind races back to my father inviting all of my cousins over to our home theatre to watch that movie with surround sound back when that still impressed -- who has gone on to become an absolute FORCE in hollywood despite mostly questionable characters and roles to get here there. yes, they made her a pot of money, but the only good sandra bullock movie i've ever seen had her in a bit part in an ensemble piece called "crash." so to hear about all of this stuff about her husband actually makes me respect her just a little. no, it does not make my heart go out to her in the typical way. it makes me identify with her. if i had that much money. that much clout. that much riding on my success. yes, i'd probably go for a jesse james. it's who she really is. it's the non-public relations' version of sandra bullock. and the details about jesse james that have trickled out since his auspicious apologies have positively made me blush. seriously, what sort of ride did he take sandra on? and it's illustrative of something so fundamental in my own sexuality. i must get to my long weekend in miami here soon, but needless to say that there's something that happened some time ago that continues to haunt me and shape my experiences especially in the light of my own recent dealings with my own personal white gorilla, the exsomeone. yes, they don't count as affairs as my eyes stand wide open and we're not together in any way except the physical, but the experience of the infidelity finds itself no less exquisite in its painfulness not because "oh, i'm so hurt you need someone else" as i know the exsomeone and one of the things at peace with us in the end remains that we need completely different people to satisfy us as persons. however, there's this physical connection that we can't shake. that we don't shake, at least. it just gets complicated when there exist others simply because my sex does not have the ability to quiet my mind as it does in so many. i'm a thinking lover and while this can enhance the experience, it can also detract when one thinks about the other men who have gotten to experience the same with the same. and the pain comes in the idea of whether or not i'll be that end-all-be-all in a modern way -- that is, where i'm with someone willing to settle as much as i to be satisified with our this is as good as it gets moment where i reprise the greg kinnear role, of course -- and why has that issue come to the fore? no, it's not just because of the almost weekly dalliance with the exsomeone giving me latent issues about my inadequacies while scratching an itch that can only be scratched that way, but it's the highway robbery and terrorism of hope that the online personals industry has become. now, it's probably just a ploy to get me to subscribe to yahoo personals, but someone wrote me on that site and they're EXACTLY what i want on paper. seriously. like, the apex. it's racist to rank the racists, but as john mayer so geniusly wrote, my mind is comepletely color blind, but other things not so much: all of this time i've assumed that those with a latin or mulatto ethnic background would get my juices flowing fastest, the incident from a while ago has made me question whether i could actually perform with someone from my fantasy like that even one AS HOT AS THAT. we'll see where it goes. we'll see if i pay thirty dollars to send an e-mail. now, two of my best friends in this world are in london this weekend, my exsomeone's in ohio this weekend, and i'm at home doing absolutely nothing because i had a fantastic weekend last weekend in miami. seriously, more than ever before, this trip proved that miami has re-asserted itself as the sixth burrough of new york. i mean, it's still in florida. i took the train. it's on the mainland. that means there are cars and there are mcdonald's drive thrus and all of the cheap appurtenances that make life affordable for those of us who live outside of absolute metropolis, but by that same token, clearly through my LACK of traveling of late, i have lost touch with the expense of things. i got introduced quite quickly when my girlfriend from my old job couldn't make it to the train station so i had to catch a bus to the metro and then catch the metro and do all of that while looking like i knew what i was doing because if i got robbed, i'd be really stuck -- before new york, must get: new phone to look like i do this all the time, a couple more pairs of on sale jeans from off saks since i know they're all about a hundred dollars, and perhaps a low cost grey suit and a jil sander foujita project cardigan or maybe the shirt or the ysl loafers or the david yurman cuff -- and i wore a red burberry polo, diesel slammers, and high top tretorns, and two near teenagers commented upon seeing my pockets, "that's a grown ass man!" so it was refreshing to see my favorite coworker from my old job and within seconds we established that nothing had changed and upon seeing her boyfriend, and calling him by the wrong name, and donating $40 to cvs for stupid stuff like mixers and magazines for the beach and other sundries, we got into a rhythm that made the weekend speed by. we went back to her apartment and got ready for dinner at ra (pronounced "raw") and it was everything i thought miami should be. serious mixer with loud music and beautiful people, but not the south beach tourist crowd, but the "we live in miami and this is just another friday" sort of place with $18 appetizers and $14 cocktails that everyone had been drinking for years that were SO NEW to me. and conversation somehow devolved into different terminology for the white lady, the white bitch, butter, etc. after dinner, we went back to the apartment -- think the cheesiest apartment from "out of sight" or "the bird cage" and you wouldn't be far off except her rent is as much as mine and i have new everything and am in the thick of my downtown (for what it is) -- and we went to cameo that night after many outfit changes and the music touched on that moment of the early nineties when cool had nothing to do with shoulder pads, the early days of rap, or any of that, but the nineties version of cool what with its sharkskin, its minimalism, it's techno music. seriously, the music came from such a pure reference point but got muddled and sullied with that thick funky miami sound that's so intoxicating on its own that i could have shed a tear right then and right there. and yes, the mix of people was random what with its smattering of euros and spring breakers and working class twentysomethings and girls in feathers and deep tanned blonds in mini-dresses and an old couple -- think in their sixties or seventies -- just for kicks and the music was so good but the drinks were $16 a piece (for vodka cranberry mind you, not some upscale concotion) and after we left, we got home and smoked out and my sense of jealousy overtook my body after the drug took its hold but what i wouldn't give to cuddle up with a significant after a night like that. the next day after much hung over staring into the boob tube watching the fashion television network show the same clips with the same music cues and then we went to the beach which took a full two hours between the traffic and the parking and spent $80 on lunch at the sea cafe where we both left the table FULLY hungry and sober despite specious drinks and food that would indicate otherwise and service so bad i could spit. we went shopping for a bit -- which i don't think people actually do on south beach but somewhere else; where's this new york burrough's soho? -- and then as we walked back to the car saw MICHAEL FROM MIAMI SOCIAL! and boy is he bald. bald bald bald. like, that surgery did not take. seriously, my good friend has a partner who had the surgery and it worked MIRACLES and yeah, not so much. but it satisfied my celebrity quotient so. and seeing the masses of spring breakers allowed us to decide against liv because who knows how expensive it would've been just to keep the hoi polloi out. so we went to an actualy miami city bar called club 50 at the top of the viceroy hotel and the class distinction -- i admit, i'm a class alien, but my old coworker is not, she's just slumming it in school and without a job -- when i burst out with my true religiou raw denim, linen blazer, and banana republic stripes and my friend sara with her lbd and python platforms and our $18 vodka cranbarries and sweating to music that touched on michael jackson and black eye peas and that crazy racuous bass-driven tribal miami sound that you cannot escape and as we got photographed by the faux-society snapper and signed our eighty dollar bar tabs, i resolved that i'd either have to stay in a hotel or with my friend sara as it sunk in that in my drunkenness although i had a great time, i missed one of the main reasons for my trip: namely a visit to a party with people i could actually reach out and touch. not that i would. but there in brickell, i thought, "this is the real miami and i'm in love." and just like that it was back onto the train and back home and twenty dollar parking tickets not twenty dollar drinks and a downtown that's asleep by midnight not just waking up.
well, what an age we live in these days when the headlines volley like tennis ball between the white gorilla and the baby killer, but here we have one half of the media obsessing over the affairs of people just as human as they and the passage of a healthcare bill by the most transparent process our politics would allow and how the media has botched them both. the democrats surely needed a win given the massa affair which i'm sure only political junkies like me will remember -- have i mentioned that i haven't even seen my shows on hulu in a week?! -- and this win remains huge. while the conservative in me wants to take issue with the individual mandate -- everyone knows my own struggles against that mandate for auto insurance and how it's resulted in tickets and suspended licenses for me in years past -- the congress' power to tax remains unchallenged in the constitution and if getting health insurance -- i'd have preferred a public option simply because i believe (quite conservatively) that our country is at a competitive disadvantage by not having that sort of universal coverage -- i can't get past how big this win is and the reason i know it's big is because all the hard right can do is pout, yell, and scream. sure, they'll gain seats, but it won't be "the contract with america" by any stripe. just imagine if clinton had gotten healthcare through! seriously, back when the parties worked together and americans cared even less about process. we're the generation that got weaned on "the west wing" and came of age in bush v. gore.
( now, for more of the yelling and screaming on the floor of the congress and how i'm oddly intrigued by playgirl's fascination with those most would consider trash but apparently many find very alluring.Collapse )
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/earthpicturegalleries/6338681/Albino-animals-from-Snowflake-the-white-gorilla-to-White-Diamond-the-alligator.html?image=1
my depression is going viral. thankfully, i'm seeking out a way to correct that in the next couple of days, but as always, it places a bit too much importance on decisions of other people. not to sound like a nightlife nazi, but i know what makes for a good night. all i ask, every now and again, is for a good night. it's dinner, it's drinks, it's dancing, it's daylight. well, not always, but that's the order. if you cut the night off at any of those stages, in my mind, it still qualifies as a great night. and i'm fine with it. also, let's be clear, i enjoy many bad nights out. i like fun. i enjoy playing flippy cup at a irish pub on the upper east side as much as i enjoy as a west hollywood nightclub pressed full of sweaty horny....well you get the point. i have as much fun bouncing my shoulders at a vip table at a gorgeous vegas burlesque boite as i do barhopping on a random weekend in orlando. it's all the same. it takes me away. not to say that it's the only thing. or the biggest thing. or the easiest thing. anyways, i don't even know why my mind wandered to that. i have about one more waking out left -- i have to get at least four hours of sleep before pier 1 -- and i just had one of those utterly depressing evenings with the exsomeone. it all started because we're having one of those funny sitcom scheduling issues with sex because after we starting having it again, my schedule has been a complete klusterfuck in a way that i feels alienates friends and family and makes me into this odd erratic person i know i'm not. it doesn't help that management has completely changed at the store and my job at the other place seems so dead in, i might as well work at mcdonald's. do you see why i need a GOOD night out? anyways, it's one of the reasons i find episodes of "brothers and sisters" so comforting because the crazy outlandish scenarios that matthew rhys and luke macfarlane get into actually have the resonating ring of truth to them. but it also makes me depressed because my life IS SO NOT HAVING THE LUKE MACFARLANE HAPPY ENDING RIGHT NOW. tonight, i had my mind set to work until two o' clock in the morning, but they let us have time off early so i did because if i don't, i'm going to bring the sleepless zombie chic look back in but yeah: so after i got off at ten o' clock? i responded to a misguided text message wondering if i was still at the store although it's not my night to work there and we wound up doing the between the sheets tango but it's complicated because my exsomeone's sleeping with someone else now -- see how these things progress? -- and i'm not. and the person who my exsomeone's sleeping with now is actually in a relationship with yet another. so we're laying there talking about life because (1) the talking and sex part is actually the things we're quite good at (2) because i don't get the change to talk to anyone these days (3) because i don't understand how to actually meet people in the real world. and considering my friends all seem to have settled for the one they met when i met the exsomeone, i feel like i may have missed the boat. but we're talking and i'm having the jack twist moment where i'm like, "ya know it could be like this, just like this always" when i realize I'M THE ONLY ONE HAVING THE MOMENT. i hate how those moments of intimacy can sneak up on me just like that. and of course, it means more to me than it does to the exsomeone and i'm not entirely sure why that is. but there it is. right in the open. and we have this class tonight at my "real" job about sexual harrassment and it just makes me chuckle at how crazily hyper-sensitive the world -- rightfully, i might add -- has become to the feelings of others and it's interesting that the only increase in sexual harrassment cases involve two men: interesting given the recent dealings of scott foley and eric massa, no? but it underscores my vehemence and zeal for the marriage equality issue and its tentacular reach into the representation of committed stable relationships in the media. seriously, i got on this soap box after salvatore romano got written off my favorite show in what i felt as a bow to the religious right (who raised an ire after the season premiere of the third season), but this one remains the second nail in that coffin. perception is reality: why on earth is the kish story line getting ended on one life to live? yes, i'll admit it: given my crazy sleep schedule and the lack of television on at the hours i'm awake, i have become COMPLETELY re-addicted to one life to live (my favorite soap since the early nineties) and it disappoints me that such a good healthy and challenging portrayal of two "normal" guys in a relationship gets axed again! yes, i kind of realize that it only got on their because of the whole grey's anatomy flap to help abc get in good stead with glaad and yes, i realize abc has offered employment to bryan batt but STILL.
It's Time to Act!
Make a plan!
An unusually dynamic new Moon in spiritual Pisces on March 15 helps you follow your dreams. You'll get plenty of help from Mercury's entrance into feisty Aries on March 17. Then, the Spring Equinox, which marks the beginning of the Sun's transit through Aries on March 20, sets you on a new road with a fresh perspective.
( i'm just noticing an ugly trend and i don't know if i like it and given that nothing else is going right at the moment, it's given me something to vent my anger about.Collapse )
| Date: | 2010-03-12 14:36 |
| Subject: | single panic. |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  blank |
would you mind explaining to me why the democratic party finds itself harboring another scott foley as if they do not remember how that one man felled the stumbling republican party not even four years ago?! more on that later, of course, but my life hasn't exactly stood as a thimble of excitement lately to be honest. one of my tires exploded on the highway. this resulted in an unexpected expense of hundreds of dollars on tires (and ferragamo trainers as my personal gift with purchase). as a result, my phone has gotten disconnected. i'm subsisting on hot dogs and biscuits. and style.com, hulu.com, and xtube.com have been the only outlets to the real world in about a week. at pier 1 imports, the store manager has left on medical leave and so my greatest nemesis got appointed to interim. so. my sister and i haven't spoken since my botched birthday debaucle. while i've managed to wrangle rob into my toronto adventure, i've hit another hurdle as i've discovered that my former employer didn't take one single penny out of my check for federal taxes. it's going to be an interesting year. i refuse to live my thirtieth year on this planet bowing down to sad things like logic and reason when i've lived my past three years that way with questionable results. the years i spent of my life traveling remain my fondest and my years without it remain my most miserable. so next week, i'm catching the train to miami to have one of those nights that i've perfected over the years. we'll see if i can pull it off given the lack of clothes, transportation, planning, nightlife expertise, and access to favor that i have in my homebase and other cities around the country. can you tell this is a forced post? sure, i probably would've posted after my exsomeone and i hooked up or definitely after miami, but at this point, nothing has happened and that's the largest casualty of my new job -- besides every friday night of my life -- time passes so quickly because my sleep schedule and work schedule preclude the normal socialization that has kept my life bearable. seriously, no one understands the importance of one free night to me anymore. one free day. whether it's to celebrate my birthday or have a night out or just to hang out or to have a telephone conversation or to hook up for sex. it's not that thursday night is the best night to have no strings attached sex, it's that it's the only night i'll have FOR TWO MORE WEEKS. seriously, over the next week, i work tonight from seven to seven, tomorrow from seven to seven, sunday from nine in the morning to one, and then again from seven to seven, on monday, five thirty to nine thirty, on tuesday, six at night until two in the monrning, on wednesday, nine until half past one in the afternoon, and then from seven until seven, and then, thursday from nine until half past one in the the afternoon, and then, seven until seven. on friday, i catch a train to miami. during this time, i also need to get a haircut, an outfit, a train ticket, my phone re-connected, and maybe see my sister, my parents, and my exsomeone. and, how, exactly, am i supposed to meet someone? really. this is the craziness of my life. it's no wonder in the midst of such things that i've attached to the crazier things in life. the most fascinating aspect of the recent goings-on in the congress comes about in the story of eric massa. why on earth is a liberal democratic senator from the state of new york IN THE CLOSET?! this, again, re-emphasizes the importance of so many policy issues that have all but stalled in the congress. it also highlights the hypocrisy in the democratic party. and the generational issues confronting this agenda have no better embodiment than scott foley on the right and eric mass on the left. seriously, why are they in the closet? they have money, position, education, family. if they can't come out, what does this communicate to all of those others -- granted, not everyone finds themselves as plugged into these salacious tidbits as i do -- who find themselves reluctant to live their lives as they are? yes, even if we get hate crimes, and non-discrimination, don't ask, don't tell, and the overturn of doma, what's holding people back? and in that context, what sort of sexual harrassment must eric massa have actually felt when rahm emmanuel -- let's face it, not the most repulsive or unfit man in the body politic -- came bouncing toward him in the showers buck naked to talk about policy? this, i think, is the type of discomfort some remark about when talking about don't ask, don't tell. is it probably for the better this becomes a thing of the past? who knows? i'm certainly in no position to judge as i'm someone who has felt uncomfortable in shared showers since my earliest years because of my fear of being aroused. a fear, i've learned in my adult years, is not shared universally as many have more control over their physical displays of excitement than i do. but the sort of non-sexual to some, very sexual to others horseplay that takes place in the showers finds itself in jeopardy does it not? because as this massa situation displays, sometimes those situations could be experienced in the selfsame way by two different people who have entirely different interpretations of what happened. perhaps sexual intimidation by one. perhaps hard ball politics by the other. and then, forget the c street house: what sort of behind closed doors shenanigans must've taken place at the massa home? i know the type. add one sexually frustrated older something, two parts alcohol, one part drugs, and instead of angostura bitters perhaps young impressionable youths? yeah. some of the best nights out i ever had so one only knows. and i'm glad that i'm not the only one who watches "caprica" if "frak" is actually the word that set off this entire controversy!
Relationship Snags!
Proceed with caution!
In the midst of a few relationship snags shown by Venus' opposition to Saturn on March 9 and square to Pluto on March 11, Mars finally turns direct on March 10. As Venus connects with the ongoing Saturn/Pluto square (a game changer), you are tested by others. Mercury's conjunction with the Sun on March 14 helps with communication. But this is a complicated picture, and it's probably best to wait and plan carefully, lest you act prematurely and in a way you'll later regret.
( and finally, the thing that has captured my imagination the most as we've emerged from a full season of fashion shows remains the audacity of importing an ICEBERG into paris to stage a chanel show: who says fashion doesn't have the power to transport?Collapse )
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Wednesday, February 24
Ever eaten an unripe pear? It's dry, tasteless and unyielding. Far better to let it sit on the tree and ripen. In other words, why be in such a rush? Your love life will pick up when it's good, ripe and ready.
one might think that i've been on a cocaine-and-vodka bender for several days as a result of my thirtieth birthday one where i may have wanted as much in a south american country celebrating carnival and welcoming the next decade with excess. instead i went to the touring performance of the broadway play "wicked" by myself because the one adult in my life who i thought may go out of her way to celebrate my birthday with me here couldn't bother to find thirty five dollars to drive down. now, since i've last posted i've experienced no less than four emotional landmines including my exsomeone's birthday, my twenty-ninth valentine's day alone, the engagement announcement of one of my last single guy friends, the return of the p.r. girl and my nightlife, and finally the worst birthday of my entire life. while my exsomeone's birthday and the lack of celebrations around it really didn't throw me for any sort of loop nor really did the fact that the exsomeone has started with sleeping with someone else which raises a few issues but not really that many outside of the fact that i just don't know how to meet someone new at this point. thankfully, i had to work on saturday night at my new job so no contemplation or action plans on my exsomeone's birthday (which is the day before valentine's day) and then i had to work at pier one on sunday afternoon which went by blissfully as most happily in love people don't really like shopping for furniture on that day. and i went through most of the week just fine. i mean, just another week. sure, new york fashion wee and london fashion week. but nothing too exciting. hey. then on my biweekly matinee saturday, i went to go see "valentine's day" which highlighted the type of bad decisionmaking that would unravel my entire day. after that, my friend rob changed his facebook relationship status from single to engaged -- which, let's be clear, is a giant leap for most people, but intensely huge if one understood all of the back and fourth between these two -- and i had one of those i'm-going-to-emotionally-drink pity parties but had to go through the day getting a haircut -- where the barber next to me talked about his wedding plans with my barber the entire time -- and then i went to pier one and don't really remember anything happening there because it just blurs but after that i went out to flamingo to welcome back the p.r. girl and after thinking i would never get drunk because i didn't think i could drink like i once did seeing as i haven't drank since the new year basically, but i managed and as the night wore on i saw this politician type who i really wanted to talk to so i did and one half of the (now broken up) couple the p.r. girl used to live with who supposedly had a talbot for a grandparent and then the person who i dallied with a year or so ago who i now work with although in a different office of the same company -- the luxury of living in a small town -- and although said person had lost a lot of weight and seemed not to remember the crazy circumstances of last year's lost communication and only the crazy of the beginning of communication, i thought i was in. hey, i haven't had a crazy night in sometime and the cocaethylene battery felt like it needed a recharge but the train started to leave and we went to the only bar in town -- which is quite ironic i keep using that epithet considering this is the fourth regular pitstop on the drunken whistle tour of my small town -- and i saw the stockbroker. with the fat/nasty/ugly who the stockbroker dated the very first time we hooked up. two years ago. small town, remember? and yeah. because the stockbroker insisted on doing silly adult things like introducing us like adults and kissing me on the lips like everything is copacetic -- which i guess it is in sobriety by myself?!? -- lead to me swallowing three more drinks and waking up on the couch of my friend p.r. girl. who knows what actually happened after the last drink and the last rihanna song i remember, but i'm pretty sure it's earned me at least a month of not going out which would've happened anyway given the way i get paid. so this brings us to my ill-fated and thirtieth birthday and the year that is to commence. while my two peers have found themselves in near matrimonial bliss what with one about to get a move-in district attorney and the other reunited-and-it-feels-so-good with the man who has twice broken that. yeah. meanwhile i believe i've outgrown everyone in my adult life which has happened twice before but i've had someone each time with whom to vent my frustrations. if the universe is telling me anything, it's that i'm going to have to weather this round alone. and you know what? writers are natural loaner. natural liars, too. maybe i need some alone time again. so what if i have to travel alone and see shows alone and have great dinners alone and buy jil sander alone. it's alright. i mean none of my friends came down. my own sister did not come down. this is the state of my life at thirty years old. the best moments of my life only happen when i leave it, dine, drink, and drug myself until i forget it, and the others happen when i'm blissfully and utterly alone in the nest i've busied feathering with expensive artwork, overpriced furniture, and designer clothes. i'm in a quarter life crisis and the only thing getting me through it is a month of fashion week and the prospect that nancy might actually ping pong the senate bill.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Tuesday, March 2
Taking a big step back really gives you a much-needed sense of perspective when it comes to the dating scene. You see exactly where it is you came from, and you'll be able to decide where you want to go.
( and now for latest fashion obsession, the mulleavy sisters behind cult label, rodarte, and for the dynamics behind getting healthcare reform finally passed....Collapse )
http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2010/02/25/us/25chemistry_CA0.html
| Date: | 2010-02-12 01:30 |
| Subject: | a single man. |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  in between sleep sessions |
it's funny to think what inspires me to write these days. i've had a sense of fatalism as i approach my thirtieth birthday and while i've found myself extremely close in doing the digital download of my thoughts especially when mark kirk won the republican senatorial primary of illinois despite the whispers of the charlie crist sort and i also came very close to updating upon my second viewing of the film "a single man" because it pushed out "the talented mr. ripley" as my new favorite film, and i almost spun off a quick diatribe over the axing of my favorite character off "mad men" as a triumph of the hysterical right over the creative process, but it took the untimely passing of alexander mcqueen to put the ink to my pen. but there's an unsettling through-line here that i'm a little afraid to face. this economic downturn resulted in quite a reset in my life as a i know it -- after all, proverbs says, "pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall" -- and i've found myself since i got my new job trying to reclaim some sense of self and some sense of the person i once knew myself to me. i've come to realize that i must further my education to even remotely have the means to achieve that lifestyle again, but it's also clarified what's important and what's not. the glorious part of this new job remains how it makes it plain in my mind the stakes and the priorities. i don't have any illusions that this job is anything more than it is. i have no ideas about doing something important for my community. or representing myself in some way that may or may not comport with reality. but it's just a job. it's just a check. and although i make a lot less money, i'm not spending it on the same things. well, i am, but not as during the fall. one of the things that set me on edge the most about my mexico city trip circled around the way i got put into an odd friendship bind because of an act of kindness that resulted in my owing another friend money. money that took me FOREVER to repay and that re-opened two year old friendship wounds revolving the toronto trip and the money issues around that. after that year, i had resolved to never owe this friend money and somehow it resulted in the same again despite the fact that most things were taken care of before the event in question. not to speak in circles, but with that cloud hanging over the trip, it made other instances where i didn't see eye-to-eye with my two friends harmonize in a wierd way: whether it was taking a bus to the pyramids or the dropping of the other american traveler we found or not going to the condesa neighborhood or going for dinner before our wednesday night out, i kept having the feeling that i didn't have an equal say. or that i didn't have the autonomy. or the independence to voice my opinion as much as i should because i was some sort of second hand or indentured servant because of this lingering debt. well. one of the things that i've resolved -- actually before last year even -- was to do more traveling and a great opportunity has presented itself. on july fourth weekend, toronto hosts its pride festivities and i actually have money to book a trip now. of course, my two friends have reservations about this, but i've decided i'm doing this for myself. i can go alone. i have other friends. i know i'll have fun. it's something i want to do. why should i let my wants be held hostage? i mean, it's my thirtieth year of life and as my birthday plans seem to evaporate before my eyes, i'm not going to let a year also escape me. and the exsomeone says, "it's good to see you've learned your lesson and are saving money and not spending it on trips and clothes," but if i die tomorrow, these are the things i want to remember. not money in the bank. not dead end jobs. not all this drama i don't need. it's good times in good places. that's it. so i'm going. and we'll see if i can get my way. and i need green diesel safados to make this plan work. and maybe the ysl manifesto canvas bag with the strawberries on it.
in other news, my working life has complicated itself a little with my new rotation this month: i now have to work with the bulgarian i've begun to obsess over as a way to make my long hours pass a little faster. true sign that something's brewing? i'm writing again. and considering that sleeping, working, and eating remain the only activities in my life, it rises to the level of post-level event. my sister may come down for my birthday. then again, she may not. as the day approaches, i'm thinking of arranging all of my important documents in a room and doing a george falconner, but i'd never do a george falconner without having a matthew goode. and while the part of a single man came at the very end when his life swelled up with a sense of hope and possibility only to get dashed anyway -- in that way, it shares an emotional resonance with "the talented mr. ripley" in that boat scene when ripley asked peter what he'd change about this moment, peter responding with "no, what?", and ripley said "nothing" -- one wonders the last thoughts went through lee mcqueen's head in the last moments. now, i've always thought him a fragile soul because those with that much creativity tend toward that sort of temperment, but it's just so sudden. and it makes me curious about whether it's ever possible to escape the fatal nature of it all. whether it's looking bag on expired ideas like alexander mcqueen or george falconner or looking at other living examples like judge vaughn walker and salvatore romano. as much as we've said that society has swirled forward into something more modern where old labels don't matter and the ravings of the fringe right would not impact the opinions of the republic, but as we move forward, we watch as sexuality once again comes to the fore with respect to the latest marriage equality court battle -- this has movie script written ALL OVER IT -- and with the exiting of salvatore romano from one of my favorite shows. while i've largely tried to stay away from the proposition eight case -- mainly because i don't think the outcome's relevant at this stage of the game since it'll get appealed no matter what -- but the addition of this human factor has sparked my interest. how will this judge rule? no matter what, the ad hominem attacks will come and it's sort of a no-win situation for the man at the end of the day. and i wonder if the ire of the cultural conservatives will compell this man to do something to prove himself more professional than his identity would indicate. finally, when mad men debuted that super controversial episode at the beginning of last season, i thought it a stroke of genius for matthew weiner because it stood as a grand "fuck you" to all of those people who might have tuned into the show just because of the buzz and separated the wheat from the chaff so to speak, but now it looks like those parents groups and protesting legions have gotten their way because matthew weiner -- intentionally or unintentionally -- has bent to their will and may have written salvatore off the show permanently. and it's a shame because i thought it just showmanship or keeping a secret in the name of ratings, but now it's starting to sink in that he's not coming back and it just feels that the fatalism i referenced has claimed yet another victim.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Friday, February 12
Venture out dateless and you might find more prospects than you would have believed. The trick is to go to a venue or event that really interests you. Lose yourself in the moment and someone will find you.
( now, more about the single man who made us dream twice a year with his spectaculars, the single kiss that defined my new favorite film, the not-so-single man on my favorite television show, and a single man at a tough spot in the court room....Collapse )
http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/fashion/gallery/Alexander_McQueens_fashions?pg=6
McQueen walked barefoot on the catwalk at the end of his 2004-2005 Fall/Winter runway show in Paris.
while my life hasn't changed all that much from when i've updated last, the purple-taloned girl -- my metaphor for the "i told you so" chorus that sometimes reaches feverish pitch in my head -- forces me to at least acknowledge what just happened in the world of entertainment, fashion, and politics in the past forty-eight hours. this stands as the type of week that makes bloggers like me go into overdrive. first, massachusetts only stands as the most liberal state in the entire union and it just elected a republican to the united states' senate. there exist two lines of questioning that arise in my mind about this latest development: first, would something like this have happened if hillary clinton had gotten the nomination of the democratic party and would something like this have happened if they had gotten involved with statewide and local politics from the start in a forceful way? first, given the disillusionment that many women had with the nomination process of barack obama in the democratic party, could we really discount the role of women in the election of scott brown? after all, the state of massachusetts has not elected a woman to statewide office in how long? further, the state of massachusetts went to hillary clinton in the primary, remember? also, would hillary clinton have allowed the right wing of the republican party to get so strong so quickly? would bill clinton -- especially given recent events -- have stood as much of a liability at this point if we had an actual fighter in the west wing? now, enough of my ranting about what if hillary clinton got the nomination since we've had disappointments -- yes, besides the string of marriage equality setbacks from california (suppressed african-american vote would have boded well for failure of proposition eight) to maine (where she'd have not stood afraid to voice her opinion on their marriage referendum) to new york (where she could've twisted some arms in the state senate since she represented that statein the senate) to new jersey (who would've had more political cover from new york) -- that could've gotten remedied by the president we have. it all started with the runoff election in georgia: barack obama did not want to stick his nose in that race because he wanted to create an atmostphere of bipartisanship in washington. well, noble goal but no results. yes, it takes two to tango, but if he had listened to those in the party seeking to sew up a supermajority early on, he would have not only had the ability to start moving healthcare reform earlier, but he wouldn't find himself held hostage by the bill nelsons, mary landrieus, and joe liebermans of the world: why? he'd have had votes to spare. also, it would've set the tone for this past year that this is a president not afraid to get his hands dirty in statewide and local elections. also, it would've kept up the excitement from the campaign. one of the most idiotic maneuvers remains this white house's inability to keep the machine they helped assemble alive to push policy and move politics. if he had stayed engaged with that crowd -- enough to rally them to a special election in massachusetts -- and have gotten involved early on with the democratic candidate from massachusetts -- because he had established that pattern with georgia (where jim martin could've easily have won with the minority vote) and minnesota (where he could've gotten al franken seated earlier) and virginia (where the minority vote would have made a difference) and new jersey (where third party candidates could've been muscled out).
but let's move on because there's something wrong with the united states of america at the moment: the frat boy comedy "the hangover" beat out other shoe-in award show favorites like "nine" and "(500) days of summer" etc. also, now, mad men did win so i can't complain, but so did sandra bullock and avatar -- and not in comedy/musical categories! this is a girl who does prat falls in rom coms with and a near animated feature. what has happened to the world? also, what on earth did people wear? not one woman or man challenged convention whatsoever. the most avant gown of the night may have been a valentino! even balenciaga turned out a black column for julianne moore. and january jones -- one of the most beautiful women to capture our national attention with covers of gentleman's quarterly -- swathed herself in one of the most funereal lanvin dresses imaginable. yes, i get that it rained on the day of the wars and we're in the midst of helping out haiti during this time of turmoil, but they dressed better during the golden globe awards after 9/11!!
and then there's milan menswear fashion week. tim blanks has said it best when describing the most recent gucci collection when he described it "both dull and desirable" -- little did he know he wasn't just describing that show, but the whole of milanese mens fashion with two notable exceptions. first, bottega veneta went completely teddy boy which went down as an epic fail, and second, with salvatore ferragamo who tapped into the same spirit as the latest chanel advertising campaignwiththe attention to the argentine and the complete undoing of what we understand as the luxury experience. forget spiffy suits and gancino accessories. we had horse blanket scarves. long locks on the men. and attitude for days. and even in the other shows, the most stand out pieces touched on that more natural experience. the savage piece i've always loved -- remember, i am still obsessing over my ysl loafers and my valentino loafers are my piece de resistance -- where even armani espoused the giraffe and gucci incorporated the leopard.
now, what has happened in my own life since i've last updated? i've hit my stride with my new working life and waking life. the one advantage of working nights remains the ability it provides me to go shopping all day long like those stay-at-home-housewives who i find in my stores. i've gotten so much further in my reading and my decorating and it's calmed my psychology quite a bit from the chaos i've experienced in my insecure days at my temporary job at the end of last year. further, it's made me realize what's important: going back to school and spending money on what honestly makes me happy -- whether that's travel or designer goods or decorating -- and not on the silliness that vanquished my disposable income before -- namely going out to dinner every single night of the week and drinking on the same. last thursday, i went out with the p.r. girl because she was in town and because i need to test drive my new hogan sneakers which i'm not sure i'm completely bowled over by and i had so much fun as i realized that i'm still skinny despite three full weeks of binging -- in fact i'm eating heart candy even as i update tonight -- and that i'm very popular when i haven't been out in a while. i saw kevin beckner's field campaign manager and my pier one clientel and all of my old friends -- including high school friend -- and the assorted hook up and honestly could have hooked up if i you know did not have an exploded suitcase in my living room. what else? my pier one schedule is finally in synch with the other so i don't have to work near twenty hour days. and i may be doing something for my birthday so hey. with respect to that date last week, i've decided not to call due to the optics of the situation. while nice, i just couldn't get over how we looked together in private and in public and this particular suitor's station in life started to look somewhat different after two dates so.
Socialize! Circulate!
Make new friends!
Now that Saturn is occupying the early degrees of Libra, any planet entering Aquarius will form a supportive trine to this serious, responsibility-focused planet. Venus enters friendship-oriented Aquarius on January 18 and immediately forms a trine to stabilizing Saturn on January 21. The Sun also enters Aquarius on January 18, followed by a trine to Saturn on January 24.
( now, let me have my obsessions: first, my favorite collection from milan men's fashion week and its dapper designer, the only thing interesting about the golden globes, and the unsurprising upset in massachusetts.Collapse )
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jan/20/scott-brown-massachusetts-senator
there's a little part of me that espouses to the insane to think that i can post about one of the most tiresome weeks of my life in the span of thirty minutes but here goes: if you're wondering where i am, i'm in the career education center -- aka the computer room -- off the factory room floor. now, while i understood the nature of the work i committed to by working here, it surpassed even my wildest imaginations as far as the arduousness of the work i'm having to endure. thankfully, the schedule lends itself to moderate amounts of decompression and the ease of the work allows me to focus on every other aspect of my life. it's very zen in that way. it's sort of like a twelve hour work out regimen. i just space out and think about the things that keeps my life peeling off the days of the calendar when i can (a) use my benefits, (b) find a new job, and (c) resume school. also, i can't let the closeted christian down since he gets seven hundred and fifty dollars if i stay for ninety days. in other news, the exsomeone and i slept together last night and despite my earlier endeavors in the afternoon to achieve the same ends, we came to our natural conclusions much faster than normal and in lightning speed for me speaking generally. it just goes to show how much i've missed sex with the exsomeone which is kind of bad considering i tried to open myself up to a new relationship on saturday night...unsuccessfully. see: i went on a date. for those who measure these types of things, it's been probably six months to a year since i've been on a date and when i did go on a date, it was with the stockbroker which honestly should not count because that's a forgone conclusion although i've found myself thinking of the stockbroker every now and again simply because it's good. but seeing as i don't have access to healthcare and there exist other issues whenever the stockbroker and i dally, i must beg off. however, saturday night stood as one of those nights -- had it gone well -- that would've paid for my rent in one fell swoop. we went to ratchada -- i had to compromise because although i knew my older suitor would of course pay, i didn't want to take advantage and if we played the "let's go dutch" game, i wanted to be able to pay for myself -- and we had a good dinner and i had a few glasses of plum wine while the older suitor had martinis on the rocks. interesting choice if i do say so myself. after ratchada, we went to a caberet performance of lynne locher singing a set titled "love and the moon": and while i wanted to name this post something after one of those songs, i did not remember the name of the operatic schumann piece that broke my heart. i'll find it eventually. it made me want to see "evening" however. but i felt that the older suitor got too drunk and i'm not sure whether it was nerves or just pure awkwardness, but i felt myself wondering what on earth does the older suitor think about this evening because i was so turned off to the entire situation to be honest. the date was PERFECT but the chemistry was not there. and if it don't fit, don't force it. but i must say i found myself unusually proud of myself for getting out there. i haven't called or written since, but i will because i do need an activity partner. and with the taste in restaurants, it could be quite fun. especially if it's free. but i can't imagine that keeping up given the car i got into for the short jaunt back to my place. i mean, it wasn't the stockbrokers sleek black bmw, that's for sure. or the doctor's older sleek black bmw. or even the dj's sports car. i mean, it gave me issues about my own car because i thought: oh, this is how people think of me when they get in my car. but we went out on saturday night although we had plans to orignally go out on friday because unbeknownst to me, by taking this new job i had forfeited my right TO EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT FOR THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE. not just the occassional friday night, but every single night. on my feet. forever. back at the job, i did encounter at least four people i'd love to fuck, but just like stanford said in one earlier episode of sex and the city, sometimes you know they don't play for your team when you want them too much. i mean, it'd be a fantasy come true, but clearly, it's not going to happen. one works on my crew training the other new hire. reminds me of the exsomeone, but with a rough edge. smoking. another is this somewhat effervescent character who i can't read and don't really work close with but who makes eye contact regularly which is one of my earliest corollaries. and then on friday, i worked with someone who had been displaced from owning three subway franchises due to economic circumstances and i literally fell head over heels. i mean, this is like cookie-cutter my type from the asshole-ic nature to the varsity athelete build. can i get a piece of that? finally one of the supervisors fits that same bill and that's it.
what else? it's high times for the marriage equality fight: there's two defeats/half-victories in the tri-state area: although both new jersey and new york voted down the marriage equality language, it's critical that it made it onto the floor. i don't think people appreciate how much that means. california and maine have already set the precedent of legislature approved marriage equality, so it's major that two more states have set down that road. now, marriage equality advocates can set an agenda, make deals -- legislators horse trade all the time -- and use campaign donations to influence the other bills. just keep it coming. also, with the courts wading into this issue in both california and massachusetts with a trajectory toward the supreme court, there's pressure from two of the four arms of government. i know obama and the congress must wait until after the midterms to tackle doma, but i hope they do in 2011. what else? i'm pretty sure i'm FINALLY getting my ysl loafers -- which, for the record, HAVE NEVER GONE ON SALE IN SIX YEARS -- for my birthday. i've re-decorated my apartment since i got a flat screen. and i'm off my diet for now.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Tuesday, January 12
Your love life -- funny? Oh, no -- lately it's been hilarious. Share some war stories with your pals. It'll do you good to laugh at some recent events. Being able to roll with the punches gets you ready for positive change.
( first, the result in the new jersey came as no surprise given the popularity of 'jersey shore', and yes, in my new role working at a factory of sorts, i feel like chloe sevigny in 'boys don't cry' because as much as the world has changed, that cut to something that still persists....Collapse )
aka "megacunt for mexico city." now. one might wonder what has taken me so long to update my journal considering i've upended my entire life in the past three weeks and have literally started the year off with a fresh start without so much as a resolution. somehow i've started the new year with a new me, a new wardrobe, a new outlook, a new job, and maybe, just maybe, a new beau. where should i even begin? the last couple of weeks of december sped by with monotony with not so much as a night out or a bit of bad romance. my exsomeone and i no longer sleep together which is a change of pace, but it might be for the best considering what happened in mexico city. my sister came home for christmas break and i've been spending a lot of time with her and she's been all depressed because she's overweight and in a dysfunctional relationship and we argue over the differences that we keep having and i told her that we're just one big fight away from not speaking because i tend to have those fights with everyone i actually care about after a certain amount of time. i made it through my class at eckerd college which says something and i attended a christmas party at the house of one of my pier one coworkers where i got a bit tipsy on red wine and perhaps too chatty with the closeted christian who got me my new job. all the next week my coworker at pier one told me that she commiserated with her friend at the party and they decided that we'd make a cute couple and that made me have all of those writerly fantasies about a happily ever after that would never happen given the closetedness of said closted christian. on christmas, i got surprised in a number of ways -- and not just with my flat screen and digicam -- but when the exsomeone and i actually broke the tradition of sorts we've established of fucking. now, it's probably all for the best since i was so tired i could've died by the time i got over there since my sister and i went to to see "sherlock holmes" that night, but i'm not going to lie: it would've been nice. on the day after christmas, my sister and i went shopping all day and i found myself immersed in "take an additional" sales that made me wind up with too many bags considering my financial situation. that night, i met someone from online mainly because i haven't been on a date in forever and just wanted to remember what it felt like and although said date falls out of my age range, i entertained it mainly because said date did not proposition me on the spot as tends to happens in these online situations. we met at my corner starbucks and talked for an hour and a half and had a lot in common despite our ages and given that we share a love for fine dining, great travel, and high culture, i agreed to see him again once i got back from mexico city. it's good to be called handsome again. and then, i jetted off to mexico city. let me just say, they must have a festival every night because each night i was there, there was endless traffic in the reforma -- their times square basically -- whenever we tried to navigate. of course, just as i predicted, because we were on different planes, it took forever for us to link up and i wound up just leaving after two hours of searching for rob and alex. it took yet another hour to get to the hotel because of some street festival and when i got to the hotel, i went to the bar and had two martinis sucios before the arrived behind me. we decided to go out locally that night and raced over to the w hotel where we had tapas and martinis and enjoyed each other's company. after the w hotel, we wound up at papi where we were wildly out of place -- i mean, i'm wearing valentino -- but stumbled upon an american staying at the w hotel -- yes, ironic since we didn't see this tourist AT the w hotel -- and collectively decided that we all found this american quite attractive. since alex flitted about in the happy throes of a fulfilling relationship, that left said stranger to either rob or i. i left the bar after an hour or so to source favors for the nights to come and when i returned the bar had closed. we invited the stranger back to the room and hung out until four in the morning or so. on tuesday, we resolved to go to the anthropology musuem but wound up walking there by taking a detour through their version of central park. while not wildly out of place -- just wearing a blue blazer this time and not valentino -- the poverty of that city became aparent when we went for diet cokes and things and only had $500 and $1000 peso bills when things cost like $65 pesos at 7 eleven. at the museum, we sat at the cafe for an hour or so as the dining public stared and stared at us and then saw the exhibits which were so impressive that we deemed this our most enriching trip of all time. after the museum, we went over to the hotel habita to get our table for the new years party, but ran into our american stranger in the street which made the american stranger feel like its kismet that we met. after we parted company, we went to the hotel which fulfilled our expectations of fabulosity and then went shopping on their version of madison avenue -- avenida presidente masaryk -- where we learned that american apperel in mexico city IS EVEN MORE foolishly expensive than it is in the united states. seriously. as we headed back, we marveled at what of mexico city denizen must shop at that store considering one tee shirt costs more than entire day including museum admission, lunch, etc. we went shopping for essentials before we got back -- chilean wine, absolut, etc -- and got in the jacuzzi afterward. that night, we ate at 12:30 and resolved to go to bed early -- although the american stranger met us there -- because we were venturing to the pyramids in the morning. now, the american stranger revealed to us the sexploits from the nights before -- apparently, the american stranger came to mexico city to carry on a torrid affair, but when that didn't work out, went on the prowl and then propositioned a taxicab driver after leaving our hotel room -- and although we kept saying "no judgement" we knew that meant we were heaping more and more judgement with each story told. not only that, the american stranger also sat in a six year relationship with someone in the closet. now. on wednesday, we went to the pyramids -- an uncomfortable metro ride (music at every stop, literally), a traffic-esque moment at the bus stop ("just ask someone where we should get the bus"), and an hour (and a half?) bus ride -- and found ourselves marveling at the history of these people and busied ourselves imagining what must the upper classes have been like in those citadels and pyramids. my legs almost fell off after climbing the smallest of the pyramids and they fell all the way off after climbing the pyramid of the sun -- some three times higher -- and then took a number of lunatic pictures on the way down. after the pyramids, we went to la gruta, this fantastical restaurant -- think the cavernous restauraurant at "it's a small world" at disney world" -- where they had a live band playing and the best food i had in mexico the entire time. after getting the requisite souveneirs -- i got a glass mask made from lapis of teotihuacan -- we went on a bus ride back to the city where this beautiful guitarist serenaded us the entire way back home. that night, we could not make it out to a bar to save our lives: while i wanted to hit martini night at blackout, they did not have food and both rob and alex needed food so we walked around zona rosa forever in indecision and finally settled on a cafe and then went back to blackout where we got THE WORST MARTINIS OF OUR LIVES and then left to go back to the hotel room because we were still sober despite it being past midnight. while waiting for our check at blackout, i saw mickey boardman of paper magazine and made a fool of myself. in the hotel room, we demolished three quarters of the absolut bottle while i got high and then headed back out to lipstick. i had a great time there and we met this jovial native from el paso who we sort of attached to. after lipstick i had ran out of everything keeping me going and asked for it accordingly but no one had it so i went back to the room and went to sleep. on new year's eve, i spent much of the morning in the bed, but we eventually went shopping -- first lunching at vo -- then to zara (which cost as much as it did in the states) and the other little shops in the zona rosa. we headed back to the hotel for dessert and bloody marys and then went to the room to nap although that never happened. we resolved to have dinner in the hotel because the streets were closed and finally decided to head to the party. well, easier said than done as there were no cars, no taxis, no nothing. we walked through the entirety of the reforma and caught a car at the st. regis. the party was appropriately fabulous and we had a great time as the beautiful people arrived -- including little j -- and the drunk got drunker -- one woman fell thrice -- and eventually we wound up dancing under the full moon as the addams family got projected against the side of a nearby building. we saw the fireworks breaking in the distance and we enjoyed sitting on the tip top of the world in that moment. we then headed down to living -- which was as much as a fiasco as trying to get to the party in the first place -- and we had hours and hours and hours and hours of fun. eventually the night devolved into outright drunkenness with too much money changing hands, this crazy girl biting people's faces and growling at random men, and me bribing my way into VIP while rob got angry and violent although we don't know why and we eventually got home around six in the morning. on friday, i slept until half past six in the evening the next day. we watched "the ugly truth" a movie so horrible we watched it as if it were a riveting drama and ironic only in its title and got room service and packed and napped before leaving the next morning.
for me, the trip highlighted -- both in the experience of witnessing alex's outright happiness and the internal dealings of my own -- just how differently we act when in relationships and with friends. the reason this came to the fore in my mind came because of the american stranger: never in all of my travels and my local exploits have i found someone who so closely reminds me of the exsomeone in personality and even -- remotely -- in looks. while it was funny to watch rob lose interest after quick first night rejection, i just wished i had more time to see what may have happened given my wiles. i mean, it's the w hotel at the end of the day. well, seeing as my vote is for san francisco for next year and the american stranger lives in san jose, it should be interesting. or maybe that's just the writer in me.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Monday, December 28
You thought that you and this person were on the same channel, but now you're hearing nothing but static. Relax -- this state is just temporary. Trying to force things won't help. Just be patient and wait it out.
back in reality, i had my first day at work on monday and the person running my orientation was the closeted christian and i found myself almost sporting a half-boner over the amount of fantasy i had because of the statements had from that christmas party. i was a "no call no show" at pier one today because i didn't copy schedule which may spell something very bad for my future. also, my coffee date called. rob and i resolved to discuss the violent drunk issues. and the p.r. girl is coming to town this weekend!
finally, with respect to sherlock holmes, it's so funny to watch as the supposed heir to the rights of that story has twisted herself in knots over the idea of sherlock holmes getting presented as gay. it's so funny to watch not only as i get re-insterested in robert downey jr. AGAIN. but also how different the reactions are from the james bond suggestion and the sherlock holmes suggestion.
Here is your Daily Single's Horoscope for Wednesday, January 6
You may be thinking about what's owed to you for a past romantic imbalance, but is this really productive? Perhaps it's time to cut your losses, forget about the old and wholeheartedly embrace the new.
( and am i the only one who finds robert downey jr.'s picture on esquire very suggestive? and i'm pretty sure i'm the only man in the world who thinks about getting a new pair of ysl's when looking at this picture. addendum: galliano knows what i'm talking about.Collapse )
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Tuesday, November 24:
Your energy's up and you're so in touch with the here and now, it feels electric. Take a new idea around the block, and try a brand-new approach to romance -- a direct one.
these days i have to measure my life by the things i've achieved and the things so close to me that i can taste them yet never have them. at my primary job of the moment, i've begun to fixate on someone who represents everything near-blue-collar and all-american one can find in a stereotype and i've attached to this person so much because not only does the all american sit right in my eyeline -- i work in a call center environment so it's not like i have much to look at besides the computer screen, my neighboring cubicles, and those in my eye line. over the months that i've worked there, i've found myself doing my typical work crush sort of things like creating crazy fantasy scenarios -- you know, the "what if we met in a bar?" or "what if we happened to be leaving at the same time?" -- but nothing will ever happen since i'm pretty sure that we'll never even meet eyes and despite the fact that i'm sure it'd be magical in the bedroom -- just like it is in these work fantasies, i mean those near skin tight polos and khakis do a number when your cooped up for eight hours staring in one direction -- i'm sure it'll never ever happen. ever. that's my predicament these days. i don't know if it's my age or my lack of self-confidence, but i've somehow boxed myself into a mental position where the things i want in life sit on this unattainable ledge while the things that rock me into complacency sit just within arm's length. for every single thing i want these things, i have to fight. and i have to fight hard. it all came when i had to make the conclusion that it's more important for me to live my life by my own rules than to have a job that has benefits. seriously, it came down to the wire with my new job and finally i got the resolution i prayed for which is the pushback of my start date so that my plans in mexico city would not negatively interact with any antiquated attendance policy. unfortunately, that spells for me not only a month more working in my hellhole call center where i get "quality coaching" because i'm a minute and a half late clocking in or get harsh e-mails when i don't say "i'm sorry" fast enough even though i don't mean it, think it's appropriate, or even necessary. and i get sent these things by someone who has the same qualifications and training that i do. they just have seniority. in the meantime, i've also run into the selfsame issues with the exsomeone that i tend to run into after two or so years. after amazingly no-strings-attached interludes, there's a nothingness reason that stops the flow of good sex. i suppose it's for the best since i do believe sometimes it hampers me from meeting someone like the all american, but in the end, i don't believe that's true. as i've lost weight and as i look at all of those others in my station who have met someone, i'm convinced there's something i'm doing wrong. seriously. yes, i can meet people like the breckenridge tower dalliance at a bar. yes, i can meet the nurse on a website. but where are the people like me who want to just settle down? i suppose that's what made thanksgiving so painful this year: my sister brought home her significant other -- a boyfriend even more morbidly obese than my father -- and though dinner boiled down into typical family stone awkwardness, my sister felt that her boyfriend and i bonded over sushi the next night when i went out -- i started out at marchand's where a couple of new-yorkers-by-way-of-jupiter-island ideals sat next to me and engaged me in conversation only to leave it there. then, i went to the only bar in town to try to scope out the scene by myself, but, of course, because i live in a small town, and it's the only bar in town, i ran into friends within minutes and danced my booty off -- and when i met up with my sister and her boyfriend at hiro's i found myself so drunk that i actually paid for all of our sushi and drinks although i remember none of it.
and then, this week, new york happened. and my all american dream found itself dashed by the will of the new york senate. this is what pisses me off so much about that legislative decision. the executive branch keeps deferring the issue to the states and the judicial branch keeps pushing these decisions onto the legislative and the electorate. so when the marriage equality groups in new york play by the rules and get the democratic party in new york a majority for the first time in years and years and years. they give hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of dollars to do so. they elect a democratic governor. the entire delegation to the united states senate provides them cover not to mention the republican mayor of the city of new york. and STILL they vote it down?! it's NEW YORK. a decision in that state remains precedental and chilling for a number of reasons. what sort of fiscal and economic conservatives would vote against a bill that would bring MILLIONS of dollars into that state and into the city of new york. seriously. honestly, log cabin? hardly. and i'm just as frustrated with the democrats. they lost by a greater degree than a party line vote would've suggested! this. is. war. they have lost massachusetts. ground has held in vermont, connecticut, and new hampshire. the most touchy fire fight could occur in iowa if this economy doesn't get back on track. however, losing california hurt. it hurt really bad. and followed up by a odd vote in maine, it's disheartening. however, new york cut to the quick. just when i feel like obama has started to move the needle on national issues -- with hate crimes passing, enda just needs a vote, don't ask don't tell's repeal slated for next year's defense authorization bill, and doma perhaps after obama's re-election -- so it's time for the states and the courts to set this issue up for a national victory. but now, we're set back because the democrats in the state of new york are running scared. we need the activists of the party to turn up the heat. we need a soldier.
ironically, it's at this time that obama has decided to escalate in afghanistan and i believe there's an important lesson there: he's dividing and conquering at home and surging abroad. it's not just healthcare and the environment and education and immigration, but he's going to have the world behind us when we do afghanistan this time. looks like the world has felt the mood to suit up and go to war and we all need to gird ourselves accordingly. now's the time to stand up for what we believe because if we don't, life will pass us by. it's too easy in times like these to float. it takes a soldier to fight against the tide and press forward.
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Friday, December 4:
You have a level of intensity and honesty that few can match. Just keep in mind that a potential cutie might feel overwhelmed if you hit them with all of that on your first meeting. Be judicious about what you share.
( now, for the militarism sweeping fashion, what's got me feeling militant in new york, and my old new york fighter, hillary clinton, helping barack obama move to the center. addendum: and welcome back, thimister.Collapse )
this week has filled itself with the small awkward moments that make for the type of stress i do not enjoy at all. first, it started on thursday when i learned that my new job has an extremely rigid attendance policy whereby every worker taken on this time of year must not only prepare to work through the federal holidays of thanksgiving, christmas, and new year's day, but miss an entire week because the warehouse must shut down for maintenance. this not only puts mexico city in danger by virtue of not having enough money to swing the trip, but merely going on the trip may put my entire employment picture into disarray. second, for some wierd lapse of reasoning and tact, i somehow reminded my exsomeone of the existence and public nature of my livejournal which lead to a -- what i can only imagine -- thorough reading and the drawing of a conclusion that i'm slightly afraid to unpack: from what i can ascertain it has something to do with the patterns in my life with respect to my choices of significant -- and not so significant -- others in my life. third, because i'm just a masochist in the end, i embarked on spending both weekend nights out this weekend with my high school friend: on friday night, we went to queenshead which stood as this ferosh new establishment on central that stands as the perfect wine-and-beer night out bar for a great date or a night out with the girls, but not great bar with high school friend bar: no liquor; then we went to bella brava which did stand as the perfect venue for the martini i had craved for months, but it stood empty and that's that since my high school friend decided to wear a lacoste track jacket and we all know how i feel about that: i mean, when we arrived at the only bar in town with my mojo officially ginned and ready, i felt over dressed, but saw the p.r. girl's old neighbors -- she moved, they didn't, and i know them from pier one imports -- and i found myself slobbering over both of them as they remained not only the most nattily dressed two there -- society had decided, of course, to attend the kim zolciak event in tampa mostly -- and the two with the most evocative bodies which inspired me to keep on my diet and that's that, but then on saturday, i spent all day cleaning my back room since i have a housekeeping inspection from the landlord eventually, but then i donned my atkins-plus-banana-plus-citizens-plus-ysl finest and went to the party of the closeted christian who got me my new position: the party stood as one of those near frat party endeavors that i used to attend at age nineteen with beer and loud top 40 and the ostracization that being too well dressed brings: my pier 1 coworker and my high school friend came in time and i have never felt so pushed to the side as it's clear that my high school friend and i did not get included in the bulk of the party as everyone else had: i felt like changing into abercrombie and fitch and switching over to natural light, but alas, the closeted christian looked decent enough and i found myself thrown off balance that the world has changed so much that there actually stood people there in designer jeans more timely than my own. we finally left and went to the only bar in town where within five minutes some person i had never seen started making eyes with me, but since i didn't want just up and leave five minutes in, i made conversation, then danced, then lusted over yet another pier one dream customer and then after it became clear that i wouldn't score with anyone else -- a conclusion to which i arrived between madonna's "celebration" (which i love without question since she's madonna and because she's wearing balmain) and lady gaga's "bad romance" which i hate, but have to love because she's the new madonna -- that i drank my second drink -- this after a mere bottle of wine -- and signaled to interested party that we should go and just like that we were. fast forward to me waking up in the breckenridge tower of the tradewinds resort wearing nothing but a thin film of sweat and satisfaction. what more? on monday, i decided to press my new job to see if i could manage to get those days off so that i could at least have a good deck of cards to work with and on tuesday i received a resounding NO voicemail so now i'm stuck because i've put in my two weeks at my current job and it's the holidays and i have no money. i don't know how i'll push through this situation, but i'm confident it'll all work out if i try. the feeling at the bottom of my belly somehow reminded me of this situation with iran lately: it's like no one wants to say, "it doesn't matter if they have nuclear capabilities as long as we have them surrounded on all sides with men on the ground, drones in the air, and ships in the water," but it's like we don't even want to go there and it's little old iran that's just pushing forward despite the pressure almost intoning, "if you're not willing to go all the way, i'm going to get what i want." and funny enough, that's just how i feel. right. also, how about the senate already bringing a bill to the floor or at least getting it scored? if obama gets this done before the state of the union, the democrats will sweep again. everything conservative in me though says it'd be an uncannily smart political move to bring up a balanced budget constitutional amendment once it's passed. it'd make the tax increases almost necessary and provide him with an untouchable legacy which he kind of already has. and as i review my pre-orders on amazon.com, it struck me that i'm now addicted -- to the point of buying on dvd and watching in moments of boredom -- to as many shows on television as there are days of the week: desperate housewives, brothers & sisters, gossip girl, mad men, true blood, glee, and modern family: proof positive that television is back considering i'm leaving off all of the shows i watch religiously on hulu.com and cwtv.com. oh, and by the way, i finally found my champagne glasses for entertaining....
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Sunday, November 15:
Here comes a little luck in the love department, just in the knick of time for some flirtatious fun. Help that good fortune along by giving yourself plenty of opportunities for chance encounters with intriguing people.
( now, more on those who would play with fire, except, their fire is enriched uranium and other bolivian marching powders....Collapse )
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Sunday, October 4:
Laundry, schmaundry -- don't waste the super stuff the stars are sending your way on routine. Errands will wait; the fun you could be having doing new things and impressing new people won't.
leave it to me to neglect an entire month of the year with respect to this journal and only find inspiration to write when spending almost an hour with the exsomeone strolling down memory lane. what has changed since my last post? i've gotten a new job to start at the end of this month, i've had some great nights out with friends and family, and i've started going to school again. politically? while i admire the politics of this administration in some respects -- finally, a hate crimes law; finally, bills moving on workplace discrimination; finally, serious talk about repealing 'don't ask, don't tell'; and maybe, just maybe, movement on doma either from the courts or the congress -- i still must say that their missteps -- the cabinet picks (although, getting judd gregg out early would make sense in retrospect), the idiocy of not stepping in the georgia special election, and not moving forward on a number of issues that could resolved pretty easily with the hefty majorities in both houses -- have put the entire agenda at risk. just think if the democrats had a sixty two seat majority in the senate or even a sixty one seat majority with one more new england republican to play ball. watching the house debate over the healthcare bill with that resonating and dramatic final vote -- where they captured one republican vote after all with joseph cao -- represented everything that makes this country great. does anyone remember how the house passed bills under tom delay? it involved trickery, bribery on the floor, and all of the shenanigans that we have too quickly forgotten. the republicans did not lose because of their ideas only, they lost because of their tactics. further, now that there's a republican in the house willing to stand up for healthcare -- and one in louisiana to provide cover to the senator from that selfsame state -- obama can continue to stand on the idea that he represents a new kind of politics. also, although i felt i lived in a time warp because of the two republican victories on last tuesday -- one in virginia where the silly primary voters voted against the OBVIOUS fighter terry mccaulliffe who could've beaten any republican with the right packaging and the other in new jersey where, no one seems to say, THERE WAS A THIRD PARTY CANDIDATE UPSETTING THE RANKS! -- would not have happened except for special circumstances. in new york, we saw the truth of the matter -- people with good sense choosing democrats. and then, the disappointment in maine. but how can you fight church money and church trucks? seriously, they can donate millions of dollars to make sure two men don't marry when twenty five thousand children die each day of hunger and preventable disease. i won't even go there. closer to home, my candidate, steve kornell, won his city council race and that really bouyed me although i haven't had the time to reflect on the importance of it.
what else? my car has come close to repossession, my apartment eviction, and every other utility and bill delinquent. in this time, i've decided to take on classes at eckerd college. i went out more during the month of october than i have since i lost my job -- a random night to the only bar in town one night where i saw the stock broker and died over how hot the stock broker has become which, of course, lead me to a full-on mistake online later feeling jilted; a night at hiro's and push with my sister early on, where i taught her how to get into bars with a fake, and hobnob with this community's african american professionals; a halloween party with my high school friend where i once again resolved to never go out with him again and looked like a fool in my costume wildly off theme -- and i've somehow acquired more STUFF -- dvd sets, books, magazines, shirts, pants, etc -- than i can afford. honestly, i don't know what's wrong with me. it's like i've gotten so unhappy that i just can't resist the quick rush of spending money even if its on late night delivery. which, i've started atkins again, so i've lost some weight.
also, with the prospect of a new job comes the prospect of good benefits the ability to continue my addiction with exclusive eyewear. i plan to make my glasses balance out the skinniness of my ties -- of which i'm ardently stalking two band of outsiders ties to add to my collection: one in black and one in green although i still have not a single shirt to wear with any -- i want the tom ford glasses featured in the ads except in brown and the oliver peoples like the ones i have in clear, just black. and what else? of course, there's been fashion week which stood as one of the best in years -- the whiffs of desperation crippled many houses -- but had stand outs like the chanel collection which did the let's-dress-up-and-play-poor thing better than almost anyone.
but of all the cultural influences currently running wild in this little mind of mine, the season finale of mad men -- and the episodes leading up to it -- have truly stirred more emotions in me than even my old favorite of brothers and sisters. it all started with "wee small hours" with the departure of sal, but it just kept building with these half steps, non-events, and off-screen action that made me hope just hope that sal comes back. it's the "far from heaven" principle. it's not just that his character needs to be there, but what he represents needs to be there, too, because of all of the progress made in the sixties.
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Thursday, November 5:
Your busy work schedule is getting in the way of your social life, and that's never a good thing. Reassess your daily and weekly to-do lists. Cross out any tasks that don't need to be tackled anytime soon. Be realistic in your deadlines. Reward yourself regularly.
( let's recap the month with a little ricky martin to boot.Collapse )
http://www.advocate.com/Arts_and_Entertainment/Entertainment_News/Ricky_Martin_No_Shirt_and_a_Baby/
Ricky Martin, No Shirt and a Baby By Advocate.com Editor
Since joining Twitter about three months ago, Ricky Martin has made it a routine to regularly post photos of himself hanging out with his kids – usually at the beach, almost always wearing nothing more than a swimsuit.
The oft rumored gay singer – he’s never denied it… he simply says that part of his life is not up for discussion – became a father in August, 2008 with the help of a surrogate mother.
Check out photos of Martin, who is in the studio recording his first album of new material in five years, with his twin boys, Matteo and Valentino… and another sexy pic of just Ricky thrown in for good measure.
Do Your Homework
It's time to excel!
You may feel pulled in two different directions when retrograde Mercury in practical Virgo connects with the ongoing Saturn-Uranus opposition with a conjunction to rule-maker Saturn on September 22, and an opposition to independent Uranus on September 23. And, in between, we mark the Fall Equinox on September 22 with the Sun's entrance into peaceful Libra.
anyone who has read this journal over the past few months could attest to the fact that my life has filled itself of late with a world of ironies since i lost my job: it stands to reason that i wouldn't have the ability to shake off these ironies after just one week in the working world and i haven't. the comic who writes my life has situated me in a position where i actually have to get up and go to work everyday however find myself subject to even more financial pressures as i no longer have the "i don't have a job" crutch to justify the continual deficit i experience with respect to my day-to-day expenses and income. in addition, i've started almost every paragraph with respect to my new job off with the following sentence: "i work with lowlifes and degenerates." in the orientation class, i once again had the overwhelming feeling that i belonged more with the management class and not the entry-level numb-nuts. now, i don't know if it's just because i have to prove myself or because my resume doesn't sing, but i feel wholly overqualified for this position and absolutely out of my element with people who i wouldn't associate with in a bar and who i left high school to avoid. there's literally someone with gang-like tattoos in the same class. on the second day, someone got fired for bringing a switchblade to work. with that said, if i worked in "cubicle city" before, i now work in "cubicle nation" and while i feel wholly undervalued in my current position, there's limitless social possibilities as the workforce's an average of twenty years younger than my old job and i know for a face many of them go to the only bar in town -- a phrase which has become so untrue since i first coined it that it's quite remarkable -- and i don't know if i'll be able to handle working at a place where my social life lays open like a wind-blown tabloid. also, i'm quite corpulent these days and while i'm totally into that look -- and let me just say, in the vein, that my exsomeone and i flirted with the possibility of what actually happened this past sunday -- it's not one that has resurged artistically -- i don't care what the press may want to make of lara stone -- so i need to diet. unfortunately, this means that besides my economic condition hampering my style, my looks have made me into this insecure guy who doesn't really feel comfortable being back on the prowl. speaking of the prowl, last thursday, i got an unexpected call from the p.r. girl asking me to come out and although i had just come from work at pier one, i turned around, change clothes, did a shot, and went to the new bar "flamingo" which stood as one of those venues that though not busy on a thursday night -- that's the only bar in town's best night -- that i know will hold many a crazy memory in the months to come -- but it turned out a wierd homecoming night because i learned that the p.r. girl had been in new jersey for a couple of months and had decided to move back to pursue more education. for two years. yes, this made for quite the emotional night and although i only had two drinks and a glass of wine, we somehow wound up in walmart in the wee hours of the morning following every whim of munch-able we could afford and then landed at the p.r. girl's house with her bartender roommie -- who ironically, i developed a crush on when they first moved down here when i encountered them altogether at the tradewinds resort that the flamingo has come to replace -- and cooked and talked and cried until day break when i went home to pass out for my last weekday before actually working. well, on saturday, i had to work, and on sunday, i did not, so i went over to my parent's for dinner and race over to the exsomeone's but we didn't wind up doing anything and the phone rang and i thought i was going to go crazy because i didn't understand why i came over only for nothing to happen and went home to watch "mad men" but then the exsomeone came over to borrow season three of "brothers and sisters" and although i needed to go to bed early to prepare for my first day at work and i didn't want to have to catch the encore episode of "mad men," the exsomeone and i broke out into some of the most intense in-the-kitchen-on-the-floor-eyes-roll-in-the-back-of-my-head sex we've had since we've started sleeping together again. and i don't have the words to describe the feeling i get from actually being wanted and actually experiencing that level of connection with someone. even if it is just for the moment. but it brings to the fore the larger issue in my life which is my loneliness: i'm currently entertaining crushes on my chipotle cashier and one of my peers in orientation. if you saw either, you'd understand what a sad state i'm in. and it's funny. my dream looks and acts somewhere between the star of the new ketel one commercials and the devil-wears prada boss on the new melrose place but i'm attracted to a classmate who knows me from pier one imports and the chipotle cashier who always flirts and makes eye contact and who i bonded with over the fact that we're both so broke. dreamboat du jour. that's about all going on in my life. that and the fact that i can't get my sleep schedule in check after this week. i'm nearly addicted to simply sleep and diet moutain dew. without one, i get the desired effect of the other. this morning, i got up at half past three o' clock. and it's not the first time this week. yes, i feel asleep at like ten o' clock, but it's like i can't sleep through the night without a sleeping pill and i can't stay awake the day. yeah, and i have to work this morning at nine o'clock.
in other news, of course, i have to miss milan and paris fashion weeks on account of work, but i did get in enough shows to see that it looks like michael kors, narciso rodriguez, donna karan, francisco costa, and miuccia prada colluded together to shove this faux-futuristic moment on us with the greatest hits from each others' collections. michael kors did calvin klein, narcisco rodriguez and francisco costa (for calvin klein) did donna karan, and donna karan did herself to perfection. and then, miuccia prada did the collection michael kors wanted to do but couldn't execute -- i do believe those men were stepping on the back of their shoes because they didn't fit? -- and did it with more soul than any collection i've seen so far. it takes a true designer to imbue something as staid and out-of-season as sharp grey suiting and make it super-timely and transportive. and yes, i plan to completely co-opt this look with my own grey suiting and the clear oversized oliver peoples' specs i've acquired. also, i love the idea that there's something cheap and obvious about her rendition of transparency -- a true subversive statement about wealth in our current economic morass. and a statement about some people so nakedly hungry for power and position as to put on a show so obvious that it's apparent to everyone but themselves what they're doing.
( and yes, i'm talking about my governor and soon-to-be senator....Collapse )
http://www.latimes.com/features/image/la-et-milan26-2009sep26,0,3891938.story
the winds of change have started to blow over my life. today, i received my acceptance letter from eckerd college and had a dream about one of the design star contestants and it stood so rich that i wrote for two hours afterwards basking in the glow that that dream provided. even as i'm entering a life-changing time in my life, we've witnessed the pyschotic frenzy our world has become: on the occassion of this post, our politics continues to reel from one crazed exclamation from one man who embodies everything wrong wiht our body politick: the absolute lack in this country of the ability to critically think. in what country do we live where half of the population thinks the president's words so toxic that they make a fuss about their children hearing anything he says at their schools, but then go even further as to trample the solemnity of the chamber of the house of representatives and disrespect the office of the president by making an infantile outburst during a nationally televised address! further, what sort of bipartisanship do we have where democrats and republicans agree to do nothing when a congressman steps out of bounds and does not receive censure or sanction! i'd rather the congressman get up in leave, mumble, moan, or boo than to call the president a liar before the entire world. imagine if someone would have called george bush a liar during one of his speeches where he claimed iraq had weapons of mass descruction? we'd hear calls for removal from office.
on monday afternoon, after i wrote the post catching up on my life, i went over to the exsomeone's during my lunch break from pier one and while we attemtped to have a quickie interlude, things did not follow through to their natural conclusion because not only did i have to keep watching the clock, but the exsomeone kept talking. i'm sorry, but increasingly, i need real, palpable, coital silence. it's one of the reasons we're not completely sexually compatible. the exsomeone likes to talk, i don't. i like to kiss, the exsomeone doesn't. ironically, we didn't see each other after my shift had ended and we hadn't spoken all week after that. it's like, when i want to talk, we don't, when i want silence, we talk. besides that, i saw the stockbroker's facebook and apparently i'm not the only one who's gained weight. i'm going to dinner with my high school friend because i'm literally so broke that i'm starving. it's always darkest. and i'm sorry, there's a couple of points about this healthcare debate that have made me yell at the television lately: when republicans say that this is a partisan bill, it's crazy because when you tell your entire caucus not to vote for this bill no matter what, why would people sit down with you and work out language on a bill you're GUARANTEED not to vote for because your party wants to gamble that solid opposition might actually kill this bill and/or make it so untenable that the party will win seats in the midterm. ditto on amendments, why would they accept kill-the-bill amendments when you guys don't plan to vote on the bill NO MATTER WHAT?! also, regarding "employers dropping their employees forcing them onto the government option"? right now, employers have the right to drop health care coverage putting their employees in an even worse off vote than the matrix the democrats talk about. sigh. this is why i must retreat into the warm desert winds of the fashion i'm enjoying. as much as i don't like what's going on, i'm proud to live in a country where the president pays respect for those who died on 9/11, the supreme court hears arguments about corporate interference in our politics, the house and senate continue to debate heatlhcare, new york fashion week has gotten under way, the mtv video music awards approach, "true blood" shows its season finale, "mad men" starts to get good, "gossip girl" comes back, "desperate housewives" and "brothers & sisters" prepare for a comeback, and ellen becomes even more mainstream and popular.
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Monday, September 14:
Reality may feel bleak, but love could be right around the corner. It all depends on your outlook. If you're convinced romance has passed you by, then it probably will. Give yourself a chance by believing in a happy ending.
( i wish we'd all begin to understand the beauty in the quiet unspoken things....Collapse )
| Date: | 2009-09-07 02:58 |
| Subject: | to be real. |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  awake when i shouldn't be... |
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Wednesday, September 2:
What do you want to be when you grow up? Lately, you've been wondering about what career you'd really like to pursue. Instead of wishing for that dream job, make it happen. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it, but it's up to you to take that first step.
it's time for me to revisit my rant about the educational system in the united states. i've found myself finally backed into the corner where i'll have to resume my studies because of the lack of career opportunity in this current economy. while i do believe one day we'll emerge from this economic morass, i do believe that we'll have a glut of youngsters with four years of undergraduate education with absolutely no critical thinking skills and the silly idea that they have more going on between their ears than those who have worked for years and years and years. graduate education remains the only thing of worth anymore and it's not worth much. however, i'm scared to death of coming out of this recession without the ability to get hired into anything of worth for the rest of my life. what's next? seriously.
on friday, i had one very interesting night out that touched on so many of my confusions and mental wanderings about this nation and my community. the topic of the president's back-to-school speech came up and while i had too many spirits in me to understand the points of debate clearly, it angered me nonetheless that we live in a country where so many full grown college-educated adults find themselves completely incapable of simple critical thought. why on earth would a parent want a child NOT to hear from the president? and how does that not sound treasonous?! we live in a representative democracy. this means that the majority rules and the minority has basic rights. where on earth do we get the idea that the words of the president don't deserve at least our ear? if not our consideration as the man elected by the majority of the people in the majority of the states. and it got me thinking about succession. it's been a hard time really. when i worked in sales, we had to constantly update spreadsheets with money we had "in the pipeline" because if any clients stopped spending, we needed to have an idea about the money that's on its way. and i'm deathly afraid for our country because while i now see why obama wanted to have the bills passed by both houses by august so that we actually had something besides the misleads from the opposition to talk about. and it suddenly makes sense why he didn't want to pollute his agenda with minor battles for any one constituency since it'll take all he's got to get something through this congress this year. i mean, the defense appropriation bill hasn't even made it to his desk and no one argues we don't need that. but as i've dabbled in local politics this summer, it makes me understand how important having people in the pipeline as we see that even one senator's passing has put the entire bill in jeopardy.
also, as i watch both florida politics with the sudden departure of mel martinez, and the controversy over the governor of south carolina, it strikes me that unless you have someone ready to step in at a moment's notice, things will fall through the cracks. what intrigues me about south carolina the most comes in the fact of the clear duplicity that exists even without the cloud of gay rumors which clearly aren't just rumors. at best, their governor had an affair with a woman in argentina and used state funds in an inappropriate manner. at worst, several of their top republicans in the state have engaged in the highest forms of hypocrisy. the sad part for the republican party? at a time when the gay community writ large finds itself questioning the promises of the obama presidency, they need an openly gay very vocally fiscal conservative from a state like south carolina to rally that vote. their outreach in the african american community has fell on deaf ears and their opposition to the sotomayor nomination has crippled their efforts to gain back the latino vote in 2010.
and that which is in darkness will be brought into the light. i always say it. and while so many times in my life have i head my religious peers talk about that "confusion" as if it were some far of nebulous thing they don't understand, honestiy and dishonesty remain concepts so proximate that even children understand. and this friday, oh this friday. now, i committed to have a little fun this weekend because i had a little bit of money and it's a holiday weekend and despite having a dearth of friends to enjoy it with, there's enough going on downtown -- not to mention about six new restaurant openings -- that i felt i could at least make a go of it one night. so. one of my employees at pier 1 asked me to accompany her and her closeted friend to first fridays and i haven't been in months so i agreed and boy did i have blast. first, i'm having a small issue where i'm oddly nostalgic for my freshman year in college where i dressed in abercrombie and fitch head to toe and circled around in oddly homosocial circles like the community church group crowd and the fraternity crowd. well, in that vein, i suppose i went out again. since they weren't coming until around eight o' clock, i had lots of time to kill. i had went to work early that day -- i had a managers' meeting the night before and went shopping after that -- and then i went to an appointment at eckerd college and after that i came back and downed a bottle of champagne as i waited for them to get downtown. after that bottle, clearly i forgot to put in my contacts and didn't feel like getting dressed in anything but a banana republic polo, ruehl cargo shorts, and j. crew flip flops. i told you: nostalgic. and i wore glasses. out. socially. NEVER DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN! i met them and immediately the closeted fellow began feeding me with drink tickets and after several glasses of cheap wine and a few gulps of grey goose, we went to "a taste of wine" which stands as my favorite wine bar in st. petersburg and i felt so awkward because i got SO drunk and made such a scene because i did not know what to make of the people i partied with. they were all from pasadena community church and i just could not tell what the deal was. not only had i already convinced myself of the closeted nature of my coworker's friend who bought me the drinks -- and later the food and drink at a taste of wine -- but the other friend who dressed better than me -- not hard -- and went to church less than i do -- which is hard -- and i kept wondering, "are they together?" because they kept talking to each other and they stayed to themselves but HOW ON EARTH DO YOU ASK THAT?! secondarily, i invited everyone back to my ridiculously messy apartment to see how i decorated. utter mistake. but wonderful night however with highlights of me dancing in the street when the live band sang cheryl lynn's "to be real."
besides that, i got hired on at a call center so that's that so new year's is out of danger. i probably start classes again in october. jen and i are talking again. that's good. i've eaten so much take out because i've felt rich lately that my mother made comment today. i'm actually envious that my sister is doing parrot bay shots right now. like i said, nostaligic. what else? i need to meet someone because i'm having like hardcore emotional dreams about my exsomeone and real time fantasies all the time. in my drunkenness not only did i text the stockbroker, but i went over to my threesome partner's house. supercraziness. what else? i'm addicted to aleve, the leaves fragrance oils from bath and body works, repeat episodes of "defying gravity" on hulu.com, and blogs about mad men. last week, i went to the venue and had a blast with the girls which made me again nostalgic although my chicago friend alex made me feel like such a country bumpkin for going to a club named "the venue" since it's kind of super unoriginal compared to what must be the fantastic clubs in chicago he frequents. what else? i need the new pair of tom ford glasses and a gym membership. oh yeah, and i literally can't wait for fashion week to start. alright, that's it seeing as i have to be in the store on my feet in less than seven hours.
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Friday, September 4:
Go on -- treat yourself! You're certainly worth it, and the stars say that the care you lavish on yourself now has fabulous effects. You don't have to be extravagant about it, just thoughtful.
( 'i am one of those girls,' said peggy olson from tonight's episode of 'mad men' titled 'the arrangements'Collapse )
i've lately become intrigued with the idea of "moving forward" as i've found myself in the morass of not doing anything of worth of late since i lost my job. the frustrating nature of the stop and starts of the job search have lead me to approach returning to school. i've avoided it so long because the nature of education in america at this point has absolutely nothing to do with education and everything to do with certification. except there's nothing it certifies. if one gets a degree in any of the liberal arts or business generally or anything else, one does not step away having learned something new about the world. one only steps away from a piece of paper that helps companies weed out people based on what they perceive as intelligence even though people who can't string along sentences into one coherent thought get churned out by the thousands by our so-called educational system. with this said, i suppose i should squeeze out my undergraduate degree and hopefully my master's degree so that i can at least move forward with these resentments and not just waste away in my own nest harboring something that i can do nothing about.
in this era of my discontent, i've found myself marveling at the way that writers -- and those who have the ability to effect change more largely in their fields -- have the ability to lead their audiences to places they didn't even know they wanted to go. the job of advertising as i have learned it through my former career remains to create desire. it's not to provide an answer, it's to ask a question. one of the great tricks of fiction remains transporting the reader to an unexpected place that they could not have anticipated on page one. while i've already expounded on the genius strokes on "true blood" where they have taken a basic vampire construct and given us a modern treatment of the greek myth of dionysus and the maenads. the genius of them not only creating drama and suspense without breaking our disbelief -- they so heartily trained us in the opening episodes to expect the unexpected -- but creating intrigue as we watch one fictional construct fell out the depths and power of another. similarly, in mad men, i've found myself so proud -- politically as well, i will admit -- that a mainstream show with a dedicated niche audience and so much buzz chose to make its debut in the third season with a story line so controversial that it woke up the social conservative machine once again. it's funny that in a show about the hidden-in-plain-sight excesses -- a show that has touched on everything from adultery, theft, drug abuse, and abortion -- only the prospect of a same-sex encounter raise the ire of these folks. also, just like in the sopranos, i kept thinking, "they're keeping the wrong people away." it's like if they can't handle this, we don't want them to see the rest of it. it's not keeping your audience small, it's keeping your audience intelligent and worldly.
meanwhile, in real life, we got news this week about the lutheran church accepting non-celibate gay clergy and couldn't help but think this follows in the leitmotif of pushing people into things they may or may not find themselves ready for. my entire grade school education took place at a lutheran school. it's some of the best time i can recall in my life. i often wonder what would've happened had i stayed at grace lutheran school the last three years and continued in private education through high school. one of the things i do know remains that my sexual development happened much more rapidly in that environment than it ever did in public school. that is, until college. but it's a great question that i'm not sure i've answered in my mind about this issue. and that's pretty bad considering. who knows the mind of God in the end? i've listened to a lot of so-called christian talk radio this weekend and i'm just as confused as before. i've always argued that God is a just God. he's fair. why would He create such a double standard? why would he want one set of clergy that can serve in happiness and fulfillment and another that has to hide in deception and frustration? is it idolatry to want to have a sexual relationship in one's life? does not rejecting one's sexuality mean eternal damnation even if one has come to rely on Christ as Savior? with an issue as complex as sexuality, do we even have a theological vocabulary to deal with it in a contemporary way?
finally, in my life, i have about two more months before i hit absolute dire straits. i'm going to apply at a call center because that's all that i can do at this point. it's beginning to impact my trip to mexico city as i need to clearly have a passport, a round trip ticket to chicago, a wardrobe, and money to actually spend there. and my list -- when i lived in columbus, i used to shop at jacobson's where a wise woman who worked in designer apparel once told me, "for people like us on a budget, you have to make a list every season and just get those things" -- is getting so long that it's almost unmanageable: it starts with a replacement for my david yurman bracelet, four or five oxford shirts, and the ysl loafers i've wanted for years; it goes onto include the spring 2010 jil sander shirt and maybe a pair of d & g animal print loafers and a few top man suits; besides that, i want miracle icons jewelry, a john hardy bracelet, and tom ford (for men, extreme, and grey vetiver); finally, for my house, which may happen first anyway, two impact full end tables, my long markor bookshelf from ikea, the tribal server, a samsung color view television set, two lamps for my bedroom area, and a really impactful painting on the wall. yeah, i know, i have a problem. this and i'm madly anticipating new york fashion week when i can afford nothing there.
what else? right, my exsomeone haven't really seen that much of each other until today. yeah. old habits and all. my sister and i have hung out a lot over the past two weeks since she left for college yesterday. there's been nothing but foolish drama at pier one but i'm resigned to it. i met someone who i met four or five years ago online. that was that. i've stopped my diet for a bit. that's it.
( now, the mad men controversy and the lutheran decision....Collapse )
http://www.nebrwesleyan.edu/depts/history/phr.html
| Date: | 2009-08-11 05:10 |
| Subject: | inescapable ironies |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  unable to sleep b4 dawn |
i applied for food stamps the selfsame day that i received my custom david yurman bracelet in the mail. i got my first temporary assigment from the employment agency at a local university. i've almost completely put together the nightlife agenda for mexico city at a point when i can't even afford to go to happy hour. i've almost completely decorated my apartment at a time when i have no one coming over, no money coming in, and at a time when i might not have the money to live here much longer. finally, my exsomeone and i have had the best sex of our entire times together and i'm not able to climax.
also, i've recently begun the atkins diet again in preparation for my new year's trip to mexico city, but it's the cravings for my former life that torture me most. it's longing to blow a hundred bucks on a great night out. it's a longing to blow a check on a fantastic piece of jewelry. it's a whim-trip to miami. it's a pair of ysl loafers. or a new collection of pants for fall. or new tiny collared shirts for my skinny band of outsiders ties. it's the purchasing of art because of an impulse. it's restaurant sushi on a tuesday night because i feel like it. it's ceviche on a sunday because i want to avoid a crowd. it's political fundraisers and vip receptions at the film festival. i miss it all. but most, i miss the surety of a promised paycheck.
so what have i been doing? watching plenty of "color splash," "househunters international," and "design star" on hgtv. i've become a hulu.com vegetable over "lipstick jungle" reruns and the series finale of "kings." my entire week looks forward episodes of "true blood" and gets sustained by reality shoes on bravo. it's complete escapism at its most banal. besides television, i have taken up a new lover. the catch: married with two children in new jersey; the very definition of going absolutely nowhere, but i need that as i have NO MONEY to allow anything to go anywhere. i mean, how does one do a romantic date when one's idea of romance involves the very luxuries one can no longer afford. what else? on the same night i met my new lover, i went to a professional mixers event with -- get this -- my sister (dressed in a business suit to fake it) and i had quite a good time having flirtinis -- as horrible as they were -- at aquaknox as the sun set over tampa bay. it felt good to be dressed up and to have come from meeting my own headhunter of sorts and being part of the professional world again. i also applied to become a factory worker because money is money and i can't turn discriminate anymore. in other news, i've remembered the name of an ex -- messerly -- and yes, i had forgotten or mis-remembered or whatever and because i have limitless hours on facebook, i finally found it by researching where this ex- worked which -- should that business still operate -- would stand as a direct competitor to the only place i work these days. what else? my sister goes back in a couple of weeks. my exsomeone goes back to work next week (and my exsomeone came over to my place for the first time in three months -- i've been going over there -- and i have never had better sex). and i've had the most stressful span of days -- ever -- at the store where we assistant managers have been fighting non-stop since thursday in the most passive aggressive way possible, but it got resolved by the s tore manager stepping in and putting me on top telling me that everyone from the vice presidential level on down have spoken about how great i am at selling and while this buoyed me quite a bit, it also made me feel crazy at the prospect of not having a relatively well-paying job that utilizes that skill set. i've bailed on the steve kornell campaign because my schedule has become unmanageable although it hasn't. i just keep getting poorer.
speaking of that david yurman bracelet, why is it too small and i will be giiving it to my sister for christmas but if and only if i get a job where i can buy myself the next size up which would cost as much as my ysl loafers. in other news, "true blood" has become so good that i cannot wait for mad men. in season one of "true blood," i love how the writers introduced us to a world where vampires represented the other in society and the supernatural romped around with what we knew with the same sort of curiosity as most foreign cultures offer up in spades. what's so novel about a shapeshifters, really? but we learn in season two, which rode as slowly and carefully along as the best second acts could, that the true danger in the world comes not from vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, telepaths, but from the unknown. and i love the fact that they've roped in the ideas of greek mythology in a way that makes me miss the way anne rice roped in ancient egyptian mythology in her "interview with the vampire" series. i don't know why, but for some reason this touched such a deep nerve in my life at the moment of fear and uncertainty. the scariest aspect of life remain the absolute unknown and the effects they have on the people around us in ways we cannot control.
and that brings me to "mad men": there's no greater example of a niche show than mad men and yet it continues to surprise us not only with the way the plot twists and turns into all directions unexpected, but that a show can float almost exclusively on the power of their characters. also, during a time of such turmoil and social upset -- we may have contentious debates about entirely constructed issues like health care, but we didn't have assassinations, full-on riots, threats of nuclear annihilation, and top-to-bottom societal change -- it's interesting to see how the events of the day will influence characters formed so strongly.
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Tuesday, August 11:
No matter how hard you try or how much you scheme, your little plans won't fall into place. The end result? Frustration, frustration and more frustration. It's time to find an alternative way out. When the same old, same old fails to yield results, blaze a new path.
( now, with a show that has racked up as many emmy nods, it's ironic that the show's creator almost found himself like me, out of a job, but it goes to show you that even a company as surefooted and invaluable as lionsgate do not find themselves safe in this economy.Collapse )
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/09/arts/television/09kapl.html
i've often thought i've missed my era since the value of a renaissance man does not stand as enough to keep myself employed or even sociable in the city where i call home. and although i choose not to relish on that point, i feel most comfortable speaking about politics as i've immersed myself in the local variety since my recent employment came to an end. while i mostly used my volunteerism as a way to keep myself involved in the community and keep what sales' skills i have left up to snuff, but i've found that in my identity rich area, it's actually played a part in moving policy forward in a way that has me very self-satisfied and educated about the way this stuff works. the city council candidate i'm campaigning for -- steve kornell for district five -- finds himself running against a former-republican african-american woman who's married to a state house representative who also used to be republican. her husband existed in my mind only as friends with our governor -- also a st. petersburg native -- and an outspoken advocate of the current ban on gay adoption. now, as the "family values" conservative that i am, i tend to believe that the cornerstone issue still remains marriage equality, but seeing as our state has one of the few adoption bans in this country, this frequently comes up as an issue. well, with the victory of kevin beckner on the other side of the bay, and the candidacy of steve kornell, we've seen a sea-change in the rouson household. it's just interesting to see how a little race in a little city has national implications in the marriage equality fight. if steve kornell didn't have such an ardent base with very clear issues, the rousons would have the ability to just discount that entire voting block as they do the black social conservative thing. now, that's not happening. even if steve kornell does not win, the policy debate has moved forward. even the governor has softened his position.
and identity politics has come front and center into our national dialogue again with this henry louis gates, jr. controversy. as someone who has repeatedly gotten pulled over on the driving while black tact, i'm completely sympathetic to the harvard professor. we still have a race problem in this country. the "-isms" of the past have not waned even a little. it's in this vein, that sometimes i feel that things like hate crimes legislation and the employment non-discrimination find themselves slightly more important because it's very difficult to start a family and adopt kids if you have to worry about getting killed if you walk out your front door or fired from your job if you make it there. and for once, i'm finally getting why this president's own domestic policy agenda finds itself so important to the movement of issues which i value: if he's seen as a failure or unable to move foward on his agenday, then it makes his less palatable initiatives completely dead on arrival. so while i'm not interested in this healthcare debate at all, it's too, too interesting to watch how it may mark a failure if he doesn't get it passed this year. so many people need his momentum to ascend to office and stay there. oddly, i'm moderately confused why the senate democrats can't agree to have something by the august recess when they have a filibuster proof majority and they can put the most ardent critics on the conference.
now, in my life, first, i haven't found a job. i've gained weight. my best drinking buddy got a d.u.i. i've begun e-mailing the d.j. and the exsomeone and i have begun sleeping together regularly again. also, i'm two end tables, two table lamps, and a bookshelf away from completion on decorating my apartment (in fact i want two blue-and-white medallion lamps from pier one imports, the markor long bookshelf from ikea, and the wood nesting tables in desa navy from pottery barn). with respect to jewelry, i've found a low cost alternative to the two tiffany rings, two david yurman bracelets, two john hardy braclets, and two kieselstein cord necklaces combination. i think i'm going to step back and do my david yurman cuff, the john hardy chain bracelet, but match them with a leather bracelet and bead bracelet from miracle icons, and just one necklace from kieselstein cord. with respect to establishing my new clothing look, i've amassed quite a collection of skinny ties only to find i don't have shirts with skinny collars and that most shirts with skinny collars would not fit me in my less-than-skinny state. i mean, the band of outsiders extra large measures thirty eight inches in the chest according to what i could find. but once i get that, i'll just need one more pair of rock and republics, and maybe some current/elliots, and then a mass white oxfords (i'm leaning toward topman), and my ysl leopard loafters as my "it shoes." also, this week, i plan to seek out temp work as i'm running out of severance money.
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Wednesday, July 22:
Meet some new people already. Now's a great time to join a special interest club, a political organization or a charitable cause. You'll meet interesting, kindred spirits, and who knows? Maybe you'll make a love connection.
( now, the death of one of my favorite -- and inspirational -- authors, the importance of the adoption issue, and perhaps some movement on the hate crimes issue....Collapse )
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2009/07/31/over_beers_a_taste_of_whats_to_come?mode=PF
| Date: | 2009-07-02 04:13 |
| Subject: | we are the world. |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  w/an eating disorder |
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Monday, June 29:
Stay in balance -- just because you're single doesn't mean you're less than whole. Lavish some of your caring and compassion on yourself, and treat yourself with the sensitivity you show toward others.
what a strange, strange week where i find myself filling myself up with the narratives of every image and storyline served up by the media because i have so little of a story line myself. first of all, i've become so enraptured with my two summer shows that my weeks literally fly by in rich anticipation of watching "kings" on saturday night and "true blood" on sunday night. besides my shows, i've found myself senselessly watching the coverage of the recent passing of michael jackson and its ability to erase out of the news almost every other substantial news story. penultimately, the past two weeks witnessed the menswear shows in milan and paris and i found myself occupying my daytime hours in online forums discussing such nonsense as whether or not the givenchy menswear presentation by tisci found itself relevant to the fashion of the contemporary man. finally, we've almost witnessed the complete dismantling of the social conservative wing of the republican party as we know it. and since i find that most interesting, i'll start there: on "kings," this past sunday it discussed the way people in power grapple with their secrets and how they choose the people who they can trust with those secrets: prince jack determined he couldn't share his secret love with anyone even the object thereof and as a result, not only did he lose that love to suicide, but his secret almost got out to the entire kingdom and he had to finally come to terms with who he really is; princess michelle and her lover decided to only confide their love to each other and of course, this while seemingly perfect, also caused tension when it came out not because they had done anything wrong, but because they did not trust the ones who love them the most with their secrets; finally, the king himself decided to share his secret with someone outside of his circle, outside of his family, outside of his colleagues, and it backfired because he came to find out that the man he trusted with his secret did not seem to trust him enough to share his. what better corollary could we have for the heads of the national republican senatorial committee and the republican governors association? "for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops" (Luke 12:2-3). while the ensign affair passed under my nose as just another republican scandal highlighting the hypocrisies of the social conservative movement, the sanford affair, in my mind, showed not only that there's something calculated in exposing this hypocrisy but that there's something of a movement in the way these affairs receive treatment by their actors and by the press. while we have grown accustomed to the wife standing by the side of the man caught in an affair, the sanford wife stood apart. and while we're normally used to hearing a quick resignation and/or an "error in judgement" mea culpa, the most interesting development of this scandal comes in sanford bearing his heart to the world saying that he'd not only fallen out of love with his wife, but that he's fallen in love with his "soul mate." now, while i know this may never lead to the sort of discovery i'd like, it would thrill me if some more critically thinking republicans and sympathizers might finally understand that that impulse remains exactly the type of thing that happens with gay men and women every day. and i don't know if he will do this, but one wonders if he'll finally stop living a lie and go be with the person he truly loves. his soul mate. it ties in so perfectly with my favorite scene from this week's "true blood" where the dumb hick hoyt develops feelings for the young vampire girl who has moved into his town. in an unlikely poignant scene, she hides her fangs in shame and he tells her that she has no reason to hide because that's why he likes her. that moment represents the height of controversial love in any relationship. when you realize your difference is what your object appreciates about you. and while i find this all to syrupy for words, it brings me to the jubilation that in the midst of all of this turmoil in the republican party, the democrats have seized sixty votes in the senate which means they now have no reason not to completely push forward their agenda seeing as that's stood as the reason they've put forward on so many of my issues. while i generally only have one, it's interesting to watch as none of the four obama promises in that vein find themselves accomplished as of yet.
with respect to those issues, last week, i did almost nothing with regard to my career nor my love life, but i did, for some reason, feel a reason to go out and celebrate. on thursday night, i went out with my high school friend and my seat warmer to the only bar in town and i had a bunch of fun, but i went home and went online and thought i'd met someone who pushed all the buttons i referenced above and made me feel all cute and special only to leave me -- literally -- waiting by the side of the road in the rain. seriously. what is my life? also, the hot latin who i tried to hook up with weeks earlier also reached out to me. i deferred thinking i had met a soul mate. isn't that a barrel of laughs? on friday, i went to the comedy show with my high school friend where he consumed fourteen glasses of wine and proceeded to make a fool of himself and i in front of my old coworkers. i literally ran out of the venue in shame. i went out afterward and had quite a bit of fun but met no one. that sucked. on saturday, i walked in the parade with the human rights campaign and that held a bunch of fun and i should have hung out with someone besides my high school friend, but i couldn't because there are issues, so then i decided to just stay in after than and pretended to be sick. sunday, monday, and tuesday passed without incident and here we are. i must make a go at actually meeting someone again tomorrow, but as for right now, i'm going to start a kristen scott thomas marathon and go back to debating the relative merits of the givenchy collection. i mean, michael jackson is dead. he represented the last semblences of an actual globalized culture. everyone knew the moonwalk. everyone saw his big video premeires. everyone knew his every eccentricity. not just here, but worldwide. we loved him anyway. as he dies, so does the idea that the world will some how congeal into this one-world-culture. we're only now becoming aware of how we've split ourselves into niches contained in niches ever more exclusive circles. his death signifies that. we can't even agree what he means or what we should concentrate on. i choose to focus not on the moonwalking in my socks in the living room or the debates i had about his scream video or how i sung "butterflies" in the shower with the first love i'd ever had or how i'd do the shimmy dance to "P.Y.T." getting ready for a great night now, i choose to focus on givenchy because the other memories are just too hard.
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Wednesday, July 1:
If there were a road sign for the state of your heart right now, it'd be 'Caution: Curves Ahead' or maybe 'Limited Visibility.' Expect some emotional ups and downs, and possibly a little fog.
( now, the disarray of the social conservative movement in the republican party as displayed by the dalliances of their leadership, the new supermajority of the democrats in the senate and president obama's hand in it, and, oh yes, givenchy under riccardo tisci....Collapse )
May 16th, 2009
Runway To Sidewalk - Michael Jackson In Givenchy
I don’t normally blog on Saturday’s, but I wanted to catch up on the Cannes events before they started to pile up.
Whilst browsing photos I came across Michael Jackson wearing clothes from womenswear AGAIN.
You may remember the first time he was papped wearing a Balmain Fall 2009 top a few weeks ago, well this time he is wearing a gold studded top, and jacket from the Givenchy Fall 2007 collection.
The scary thing is, the look totally works for him. Who knew cross-dressing Michael could look so chic?
http://www.redcarpet-fashionawards.com/2009/05/16/runway-to-sidewalk-michael-jackson-in-givenchy/
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mikeijames
in work's computer lab
chipper
single
grateful
tired by needing to stay up
in work's computer lab
trying to stay up
nostalgic
discontent
desperate
poor